It’s Ok to Be Shallow On Halloween, Right?

by Marinka on November 5, 2009

So a few years ago some people decided to spin Christmas with the whole “Jesus is the reason for the season” thing.  I think it’s because they were late with their Christmas shopping  and wanted to deflect a little.   Which is totally fine, except for us Jews, who prefer the Estee Lauder gift set aspect.

But I’m glad that we still have Halloween.  Where we can all enjoy mass consumption of candy without any pretense of spirituality or thinking of others and WWJD.

Because I’m fairly certain that it would be at odds with what my family would do.

Last Sunday, the morning after some intense Trick or Treating,  I came across Fairly Odd Mother’s blog post with the wonderful suggestion of what to do with all the leftover Halloween candy.  Basically, you have your kid gorge on a few pieces and then send the rest to our soldiers overseas who are fighting for our freedom, or destroying the world as we know it, all depending on your worldview.

I thought it was a great idea, especially because it got the candy out of the house and confined the size of my ass to the tri-state area.

So I decided that I was going to present it at breakfast as a  fun idea, and therefore give my children the choice to do the right thing.  As opposed to jamming it down their throats.  Which between you and me is a real time saver.  Anyway.

“Dear children,” I said.  “I have a fun idea!”  Now my children are not morons and they know that “fun” is momspeak for “opposite of fun”, so they looked appropriately apprehensive.

“What say you each pick five pieces of candy and we will send the rest of your loot to soldiers who are fighting in the war and who sadly do not get a lot of mail. Or candy.”

I caught my daughter’s eye and I could see a glimmer there. She’s a do-gooder, just like me.  In her crafts class last year, she knit hats for poor people. In Africa.  Why not kill a few birds with the same charitable stone?

My son was having none of this bullshit.

“So what?” he said. “I don’t get any mail, either.”

“Yes,” I conceded.  “But to be fair, you’re also not fighting in a war.”

“Yeah, but the soldiers didn’t send me anything.”

“Like what? What do you want soldiers to send you?”

“Like a GUN.”

“Oh.   They’re not allowed to send guns.  But it would be nice to send them candy.”

“I don’t know,” Husbandrinka weighed in.  “It sounds like a scam to me.”

“What kind of scam? To get candy scam?”

“They have all sorts of scams these days,” he told me.

Later, I called John.

“I don’t like this one bit,” he said.

“What’s not to like, soldiers getting candy?”

“We pay taxes, the government should provide them with sweets. Besides, do we want them jacked up on sugar in the war zone?”

“Isn’t that good?  They need energy.”
John wasn’t convinced.

I called Mama.

“Wonderful idea, get the candy out of house. You gain weight.  Everyone in America fat.  No candy, no need.”

“So we’ll send it to soldiers.”

“But do it in real.  Not Colonel Marinka and Sergeant Husbandrinka.”

“We’ll keep some pieces, naturally.”

“I see nothing naturally about it.”

So there you have it.  Our family is at a standstill.  Thank goodness we still have candy to keep our energy up.

One year ago ...

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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Maureen@IslandRoar November 5, 2009 at 9:40 am

Let’s see…get a bunch of 19 and 20 year olds, send them into a war zone, with BIG mo-fo guns. And then send them a bunch of stale, melted discarded Halloween candy? Works for me. Except, oops, I already ate any extras. Guess I’m not very patriotic when it comes to chocolate.
.-= Maureen@IslandRoar´s last blog ..Spin Cycle: Parental Confessions =-.


Marinka November 5, 2009 at 8:23 pm

There are many ways to be patriotic. Candy is just the most delicious.


Andrea's Sweet Life
November 5, 2009 at 9:50 am

Excellent idea. We’ve only got the crappy “party mix” candy left, anyway, so why not send it to the troops?


Marinka November 5, 2009 at 8:24 pm

That’s the spirit!


Elise November 5, 2009 at 10:55 am

We turned our candy over. Let Ladrinka keep 20 pieces? And then take him to Godiva as a reward.
.-= Elise´s last blog ..One Year Later! =-.


Marinka November 5, 2009 at 8:24 pm

How did the turning over go? Any post-traumatic stress symptoms? Godiva. Ha!


Renee November 5, 2009 at 10:56 am

I think it is a great idea. Too bad I didn’t know about it before I confiscated adn scarfed down all of my two year old’s candy.


Marinka November 5, 2009 at 8:25 pm

It’s all gone already? Girl, you’re good!


MKMom November 5, 2009 at 12:23 pm


“So I decided that I was going to present it at breakfast as a fun idea, and therefore give my children the choice to do the right thing. As opposed to jamming it down their throats. Which between you and me is a real time saver. Anyway.”

…had me in hysterics! I have a four year old and I’m so over the “give them choices” school of parenting. I’ve determined that ruling by fear and intimidation is the only way to go.


Marinka November 5, 2009 at 8:26 pm

Lol, indeed.
I’m telling you, it’s not long before all the parenting experts are knocking on our door, begging for our wisdom.


Birdie November 5, 2009 at 12:49 pm

We decided to give our excess candy to homeless people. Better to have them buzzed on sugar than sleeping on the street. And we gave them the good stuff too, Mounds and Almond Joys and Snickers. But they look disappointed when given a handful of candy rather than money.


Marinka November 5, 2009 at 8:27 pm

That is kind of you. I can see how they would prefer money. Or shelter. See, once you start this giving stuff, it just leads to more problems.


November 5, 2009 at 1:18 pm

i love this idea! but you know what would be even more fun? wait until the december holidays. get your son the latest wii console with the hottest games and get your daughter the latest iPhone…
THEN tell them they have to send their new gadgets overseas to the troops who could really use them.
and make sure to take lots of pictures of their surprised, happy faces!


Marinka November 5, 2009 at 8:28 pm

I don’t think our troops play the Wii, do they?! Because Young Ladrinka may enlist.


November 5, 2009 at 4:15 pm

On my blog I suggested you take them to a battered women’s shelter and give the candy to those kids. Unless you have the name of a soldier, I promise you the troops will never see the candy.
.-= Suzy´s last blog ..How Many People Can I Offend With This Post? =-.


November 5, 2009 at 4:15 pm

And your kids can see what other children have to live through.


Marinka November 5, 2009 at 8:29 pm

That would be totally fun for them!
Seriously, that’s a great idea, too. And if I were able to separate my children from their candy, I’d be all over it. I mean the idea, not the candy.


November 5, 2009 at 5:55 pm

“We pay taxes, the government should provide them with sweets.” made me snort! I love John.
.-= amy2boys´s last blog ..Stuff That Won’t Be On My Christmas List =-.


anna see November 5, 2009 at 6:00 pm

Great idea! But I think I’m too selfish for it.

I love the way you write.
.-= anna see´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday– Worst Mini Golf Outing Ever =-.


Aunt Becky
November 5, 2009 at 7:21 pm

Dude. Brilliance. I’ll send your kids my candy.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Bring Out Your Pink Patent Leather Swine! =-.


November 5, 2009 at 8:39 pm

Yeah. We soldiers need no more candy. We are already overweight and our asses are spread way further than the tri-state area. Thanks though.
.-= Keyona´s last blog ..Trust, There’s MORE Than Enough Of Me To Go Around =-.


Kari November 6, 2009 at 1:44 am

A friend of mine suggested offering my kids a toy in exchange for their candy. So I did. They said no.
.-= Kari´s last blog ..Reasons Halloween is my favorite time of the year =-.


Jennifer H November 10, 2009 at 9:19 pm

Or we’ll have to change the name of the holiday to Shalloween. (BTW, Christmas is in the running for that title…also, the Arbor Day people are getting a little greedy, too. Probably not enough candy.)

P.S. Yes, I know this comment doesn’t make a Reese’s Pieces’ worth of sense.


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