From the monthly archives:

July 2008

Adapted

July 18, 2008

My daughter tells her brother that he is adopted, just to fuck with him. Of course, he’s at the age when the possibility that anyone but we (preferably Pokemon) are his biological parents is more thrilling than alarming, so her strategy backfires. But when he asks me if it’s true, I say “no” a little […]

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Roar

July 17, 2008

Last Saturday, I decided to make Roast Pork Loin. I do not cook often, or well, so when I commit to it, it’s a production where I am secluded in the kitchen and my family has to tiptoe around me because The Artist Is Working and one wrong move can set me off, and I […]

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Mommy Drinks Because of Kid TV

July 16, 2008

My kids and 10 and 7 now, which means that I have a decade of kids’ television under my belt. You’d think they would make some kind of ribbon for that, or a belt. A tiara, maybe. Believe me, I am definitely one of those parents who used the TV as a babysitter. In the […]

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House Rules and Proposed Amendments

July 15, 2008

At our household, we have some rules, because we are Excellent Parents. Enforcement is another issue, however, and over the years, our kids have made some modifications, or amendments. Here they are. You will probably want to take notes. And then paste those notes over whatever it is that Dr. Spock advises. Rule 1: Do […]

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Open Plea to Dav Pilkey

July 14, 2008

Dav Pilkey, as those of you who have sons over the age of 6 undoubtedly know, is the author of the “Captain Underpants” series. Which is basically like “General Hospital” for prepubescent boys. Below is my letter to him. Hopefully, he will visit this blog and read it and take immediate action. Dear Dav: How […]

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Beep. Sigh.

July 14, 2008

You know the old joke–“Can you play the piano?” “I don’t know, I never tried.” Well, I sort of felt like that about driving. And conducting the orchestra. Haven’t we all conducted the orchestra along with the maestro by mentally waiving that wand or whatever they call it dramatically to the music? If the conductor […]

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Kids Are Noisy

July 13, 2008

Last weekend, the New York Times ran an article in its Real Estate section about how some people without children find it annoying that the children living above/below/next door to them in apartment buildings make so much noise. People without children don’t like child-noise and people with children feel sort of like the child-free should […]

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Public Service Announcement

July 12, 2008

If you are playing Monopoly and you land on that square where you have to pay either $200 or 10% of all your money, just put down the $200 and get on with the fucking game. Because, you know, the money is not real and no one cares anyway. And while you’re counting your money […]

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