A Parable

My parents have an unconventional sense of humor, so I spend a lot of time worrying that they will say something inappropriate in mixed company, where mixed company means someone who is not mama, papa or me.

Like over the weekend, my in-laws and my parents and my kids and Husbandrinka and I gathered at the dacha.  One evening, the kids were playing a board game with Husbandrinka (called Curses.  It’s from the sixth ring of hell, do not buy it. I’ll write about it soonish, but really, I’m not kidding. Save yourself.) and I was talking to mama. “Well, I’m going to go read on the couch.” mama told me.  I became alarmed because the kids were there and there were being loud with the game and I was worried that she’d be disturbed.  “What do I care if there’re there?” she asked. “I’m not going to assume a gynecological pose.”  Funny, right?  But she’s my MAMA and she’s like in her sixties and not everyone is used to that type of humor.

So, when papa at lunch said, “I have a very funny joke to tell,” I almost chocked on my potato salad.
“Maybe later?” I suggested weakly.
But papa didn’t want to wait.
“There was once a bird who was flying around in the winter, and he got very cold and he fainted and was frozen on the ground.  And then a cow walked by and shat on him.  And the shit warmed him up and he was happy.  And he was sitting in the shit, thinking I’m so happy and warm and he started to sing in happiness, and then a cat walked by, heard the bird singing, pulled him out of the shit and ate him.”

“Oh, my, “ my mother-in-law checked her pearls.
“Yeah, that’s a good story,” my father-in-law added.
“There are many morals in this story,” papa explained.
“Maybe we should contemplate them in silence,” I suggested.
“No silence,” papa said.  “First moral–if someone shits on you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are your enemy.  Second–if someone pulls you out of shit, doesn’t mean that they’re your friend. And third–”
“It sucks to be a bird,” Young Ladrinka piped in.
“No, and three, if you’re safe and happy, don‘t start singing.”

Which seems like excellent advice.  Although personally I think cats are a lot more finicky than to eat shit-covered birds.

One year ago ...

• Country Mouse - 2011