As You Probably Know, I Have Model-Good Looks

by Marinka on December 29, 2008

It’s amazing the kind of shit that you can slip into a conversation if you preface it with “as you probably know”. Because everyone is secretly a know-it-all and wants to nod maniacally and agree “of course I knew that already! duh!” Really, try it sometime.

Husbandrinka tried it on me the other day with a “as you probably know, I’m a perfectionist.” It’s a good thing that looking stupid has never bothered me, so I chocked on whatever I was drinking and then said “YOU? A PERFECTIONIST” and then laughed until I developed laugh lines of a woman twice my age. As you probably know, I have the skin of a newborn. (The FBI is investigating).

(By the way, when I told John this story, his response was “how can he be a perfectionist, he married you, didn’t he?” I’m not sure that I will forgive him. But as you probably know, I have a big heart.)

So husbandrinka and I had a standard fight about whether or not he was a perfectionist and then we compromised on that he is a perfectionist at work and he doesn’t like to burden his family with his perfectionism, so that’s why I’ve never seen this side of him. I may be paraphrasing here a bit, but as I often tell him, if he wants to tell his side, get your own blog.

So a few days later, he is working from home and suddenly I hear “FUCKING SHIT!” (part of the reason that I hear this is because I am sitting right next to him) and I ask what’s wrong, because as you may know, I am a caring soul and love to help people and he’s fuming because the documents he needs are at the office. Because I love to strike when the iron’s hot, I ask him if that is part of his perfectionism–having the wrong documents. So, I figure that I have a slam-fucking-dunk, and that he will bow to my wisdom, say touche and offer me some champagne to celebrate my verbal victory, but instead he says, “this is why I don’t like to talk to you–you take things out of context.”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T LIKE TO TALK TO ME?”
“Nothing.”
“YOU HATE ME.”
“No.”
“That “no” didn’t sound convincing.”
“I don’t hate you.”
It’s a good thing, that as you know, I don’t like to dwell on things.

One year ago ...

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{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }

JLC December 29, 2008 at 11:31 pm

One of these days, you should come up with a witty comeback for John.
See how he likes it. =D

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Anna Lefler December 29, 2008 at 11:55 pm

I often have to explain to my husband (loudly, in restaurants and/or emergency rooms) that I am the ONLY evidence of his perfectionism.

[Side note: what the hell is that bump I just idly found on my arm? It kind of hurts and now – ew! – is it BLEEDING?! Must sign off now…woozy and likely to lose consciousness very soon…

Last request: Please meet with psychicdrinka after my passing and send me a message as to whether my comment was first.]

~ A.

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heartatpreschool December 30, 2008 at 1:07 am

As you probably know, I have the ability to intuitively judge people’s motivations, so you can completely trust that I know what I’m talking about when I tell you that Husbandrinka was using a defensive tactic to avert the attention from the fact that you were indeed victorious in that verbal bout.

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Braja December 30, 2008 at 1:54 am

As you probably know, I’ve perfected the male/female r/ship thing, and one conclusion I came to long ago was to allow my husband to dwell blissfully in his own little pile of ignorance and to never comment on it. It makes for a perfectly peaceful life which, as you probably know, I’m living to the fullest.
And yes, you are model-gorgeous, aren’t you? I *did* know that….

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SCREAMING FOR CHOCOLATE December 30, 2008 at 3:16 am

As you probably know….men are very fragile creatures when it comes to the ego. Criticism goes over like a lead balloon no matter what kind it is. Trust me on this…I have experience with it every day….

Coco

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KLS December 30, 2008 at 4:33 am

Thanks for the morning laigh! I like to strike when the iron’s hot, too.

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Beth December 30, 2008 at 5:54 am

As you know, I think you are hilarious! I love the idea of selective perfectionism.

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Madge December 30, 2008 at 6:23 am

as you know, i heart your blog.

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Andy December 30, 2008 at 7:26 am

I always says I know what people are talking about, even when I don’t. As you know, that makes me a douche bag.

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Debo Hobo December 30, 2008 at 7:32 am

As you know I truly enjoy how you tell it like if is no holds bared.

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Pacing the Panic Room December 30, 2008 at 7:49 am

Again, with the hilarious dialogue. I think this is quickly turning into my favorite blog to read. it’s definitely the only blog I read that I wish was a sitcom I could watch every night.

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Heather, Queen of Shake Shake December 30, 2008 at 8:10 am

Heartatpreschool is so right. I dusted off my psychology degree and it concurred.

As you probably know, he has trouble recognizing the superiority of your mind.

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peajaye December 30, 2008 at 8:37 am

…but husbandrinka wasn’t at work; he was at home. So the perfectionist umbrella policy really didn’t cover him, did it?

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WA December 30, 2008 at 8:43 am

Wait, wait, wait–you have NEWBORN SKIN? Did you buy it from the scientists at the Clinique counter? You have to tell me. Because, as you probably know, I’m desperate.

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Nilsa December 30, 2008 at 8:54 am

As they say in the South, bless his heart, your husband doesn’t seem to have a sense of humor. =)

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Heather December 30, 2008 at 9:56 am

As you probably know you are always right when it comes to You and Husbandrinka

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Kirsten / Mama Ginger Tree December 30, 2008 at 10:42 am

I hope you and Husbandrinka never split up. I love you guys together.

I refuse to use “as you probably know” in my comment. I never go for the obvious joke. Your welcome.

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ShallowGal December 30, 2008 at 10:53 am

As you probably know, John is on very thin ice these days.

xoxo, SG

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Kate Coveny Hood December 30, 2008 at 11:54 am

I love “as you probably know.” There was an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond (sorry – but 50% of my anecdotes come from TV) where Raymond tells Deborah that it drives him crazy that she always says “just so you know…” Then she nails him with it later when he says, “I’ve decided that I’m sleeping on the couch tonight!” She responds with, “Oh really? Because I had already decided that. Just so you know…” I think “as you probably know” is now my new favorite.

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blognut December 30, 2008 at 11:58 am

As you probably know, you have left me laughing out loud again.

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Ann's Rants December 30, 2008 at 12:50 pm

The mating dance continues…(chest pound)…(nit pick)

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Domestic Goddess (In Training) December 30, 2008 at 1:23 pm

As you probably already know, that is the funniest thing I have ever read in my life!

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MommyTime December 30, 2008 at 2:42 pm

A thought for the day: true perfectionists generally don’t really KNOW they are perfectionists because they are so busy thinking about all the things that they haven’t gotten right yet that they would never describe themselves as perfect in any way…

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pinklea December 30, 2008 at 4:26 pm

Just discovered your blog and I think it’s hilarious! Thank you for making me laugh out loud more than once – but you probably already know this. I will keep visiting!

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Charmaine December 30, 2008 at 4:49 pm

I have found that this phrase is ever MORE effectively when you eliminate the word, “probably”.

I once said to a man I was dating, “As you know, I’ve been seeing other men and I’ve met one I would like to spend more time with so I can’t see you anymore.”

He replied, “I didn’t know that”.

Well, it doesn’t work EVERY time.

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anymommy December 30, 2008 at 5:08 pm

It was a slam dunk, he wormed his way out of it with diversionary tactics. Classic.

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Shelle-BlokThoughts December 30, 2008 at 5:26 pm

hahahahaha!

I totally would’ve said TOUCHE…that was brilliant on your part!

Husbands just don’t appreciate our wit with words! 🙂

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Tracey December 30, 2008 at 5:48 pm

Your brain, my dear, amazes me…

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Tooj December 30, 2008 at 6:40 pm

Your husband doesn’t like talking to you either? I don’t feel quite so alone anymore….all these other “in love” bloggers were starting to make me question my seriously rocky (apparently) relationship.

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Vodka Mom December 30, 2008 at 6:59 pm

I’ve often told tightwad that I’m the best thing that ever happened to him. Then I have to pick him up off the floor from his laughing and KICK HIS ASS.

just so you know.

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Heinous December 30, 2008 at 7:23 pm

He needs to work on the perfectionism. It seems to be…well…imperfect.

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Z December 31, 2008 at 6:50 am

bwahaha!

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Jos December 31, 2008 at 7:59 am

oh, you so won that round. wait, what am I saying? you won the whole thing. he tried to sneak in a jab there at the end, but anyone with eyes can see thru that ploy. you won. touche, indeed.
my new yrs resolution: follow Marinka's brilliant lead & choose to look stupid instead of an annoying know-it-all. champagne!

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Braja December 31, 2008 at 9:45 am

Happy 2009 Marinka my lovely….raise a glass for me pining away in this quiet little Indian village, longing for a NY bar for an hour or two…a

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Kimberly December 31, 2008 at 10:57 am

Yes, I can tell from that picture of the back of your head that you are one HOT model type!

I feel like I would recognize you in a crowded Starbucks next time I visit Manhattan 🙂

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the mama bird diaries December 31, 2008 at 11:56 am

if you live in manhattan, then you are obviously a model.

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Missives From Suburbia December 31, 2008 at 7:23 pm

As you probably know, I have never read your blog before and have no idea how I got here, but I will be back on the basis of this post alone. You made me snort (as you probably know).

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A New England Life January 1, 2009 at 6:39 am

Your sarcasm leaves gives me a snicker every time I stop by : )

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Temple January 1, 2009 at 5:03 pm

Women are always right, and as you probably know, it is our job to let them think they are 🙂

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Ruthie January 1, 2009 at 9:54 pm

OMG I have this conversation/argument with my husband ALL the time … and there’s no freaking way he gets away with the ‘only at work’ line! ROTFL! NO way! unless he’d like to lobotomize me first and try that line after the lobotomy …

and here I was thinking I was the only one, and he was the only one …

ruthie

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Pseudonymous High School Teacher January 2, 2009 at 9:18 am

The documentary on Fox has a whole section about how their documentation style for questionable material is prefaced with, “some people say.”

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