Baby Talk

Marinka: I was thinking it might be nice to have another baby.

Husbandrinka: No.

M: Because you hate me?

H: Because I don’t want another baby.

M: Is it a hard no or a soft no?

H: No means no.

M: Your mouth is saying no, but your eyes are saying yes.

H: My eyes are closed. Because I’m trying to sleep.

M: I have x-ray vision.

H: Eyes don’t have bones.

M: Excuse me, Mr. Gray’s Anatomy.

H: …

M: The baby would be really cute.

H: I don’t care.

M: Baby hater. The pro-lifers will come after you.

H: You’re not pregnant.

M: I can fake a pregnancy.

H: You can carry your fake pregnancy to full term.

M: It’s called a hysterical pregnancy, fyi.

H: Then that’s perfect for you.

M: Can we get a puppy?

H: Yes. A fake one.

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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

Jana @ An Attitude Adjustment
Twitter:
August 18, 2010 at 12:24 pm

Remember, you always have to clean up a dog’s poop. A baby can eventually handle it herself. (The literal poop, I mean. The figurative stuff…who knows when she’ll handle that. 20? 30?)

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Issa
Twitter:
August 18, 2010 at 12:25 pm

Is an invisible puppy the same as the invisible cat that you now have?

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Miss Welcome August 18, 2010 at 12:29 pm

I am laughing! We regularly have this conversation! 🙂

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Miss Welcome August 18, 2010 at 12:30 pm

Oh – just to clarify, not your husband and I – mine! hee hee

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soccermom August 18, 2010 at 1:43 pm

Are you sure you really want another baby? I vote for the fake puppy. They are so much easier to take care of. LOL
Just think of how much f r e e time you will have , when your kids are away at college. and to start over now? just sayin.

* its not all about soccer.

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Sophie@Fabrications August 18, 2010 at 2:11 pm

Get a fake puppy and call it Sundance. You know that’s what you REALLY want.

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Helena
Twitter:
August 18, 2010 at 3:33 pm

It’s good to see where my marriage is heading. We have similar conversations already, and we have only been married for a year.

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Miss Britt
Twitter:
August 18, 2010 at 4:12 pm

I cannot wait until the next time my kids ask me for a puppy.

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Yuliya
Twitter:
August 18, 2010 at 4:50 pm

Oy, please feel free to take mine…kidding (sort of) how about a nice cat instead? I hear cats are very self sufficient.

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A Mom on Spin August 18, 2010 at 10:55 pm

Oh, a puppy would sooooooo be better than another kid! They stay cute longer and don’t need to go to college!!!!!

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Laurin
Twitter:
August 18, 2010 at 11:02 pm

My husband and I have this conversation once a week. If you come up with an argument that makes him give in, let me know!

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dusty earth mother August 19, 2010 at 12:22 am

I agree with Sophie. A fake puppy named Sundance would not only make you happy, but would make US happy, and isn’t that the most important thing, really?

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anymommy August 19, 2010 at 12:31 am

A fake puppy is what you want. Trust me.

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Olga
Twitter:
August 19, 2010 at 12:38 am

“Eyes don’t have bones”
Is Husbandrinka’s last name Google? )

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Jill
Twitter:
August 19, 2010 at 2:04 am

Today is YOUR lucky day! How about a perfectly good house-trained 5 year old girl? Semi-blonde with adorable curls that frame her sweet and sassy mouth. I’m offering her free of charge … to a good home. Though I warn you, there’s no return policy.

Better yet, I like you, so for your own sanity, I say get the dog. You’ll thank me later.

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Jane August 19, 2010 at 11:13 am

I can’t have kids so I have pets
I tried the same conversation for a goat
To be friends with the horse
The horse is lonely….
He put the pillow over his head
There was no hard NO…..I may still have a chance
Goat cheese anyone?

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Loukia August 19, 2010 at 11:58 am

I love babies, however, I know I can’t have another one because I can barely handle my two! I don’t KNOW how woman with 4 kids or 3 kids do it. It is HARD! Or maybe my children are just really really impossible to deal with sometimes? I’m not kidding when I say they are VERY DEMANDING and they are my boss and they never listen to me and they are always running in opposite directions and I want to cry. Also, think about all that money you are saving on diapers! Buy shoes instead! And go hug someone else’s baby! Luckily for me my sister just had a baby girl, so for me, it’s like my third child and BONUS! I don’t have to breastfeed or stay up till 3 a.m. or change a billion more diapers, I can just love, enjoy and hand back. 🙂

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tracey August 19, 2010 at 5:44 pm

Oh man. The baby dreams. Sigh… When will those stop? I don’t want another! But the damn dreams…

Poor husbandrinka. You should have just had your way with him while he was asleep. heh heh

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
August 19, 2010 at 11:26 pm

You and Scary Mommy both want another baby?! Why didn’t you just ask. I’ll send one over.

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phd in yogurtry August 20, 2010 at 2:18 am

At the end of your fake pregnancy, you can always get one of those baby simulators until he cries uncle.

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Peajaye
Twitter:
August 20, 2010 at 7:42 am

What about getting pregnant with your gay, John? If you did it now, you could surprise Husbandrinka for Father’s Day!

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Carolyn Online
Twitter:
August 20, 2010 at 8:30 am

Maybe you could just borrow a baby for a bit from some nice lady in the park.

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Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
Twitter:
August 20, 2010 at 11:45 pm

I have a friend who never wants children, much to the horror of her Italian mother. Whenever she talks about getting a dog, her mother screams, “But dogs are so much work! Just have a baby!” Parenting of the 60s, Betty Draper style.

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Rachel August 22, 2010 at 11:03 pm

Hilarious. I wrote about mistaking my dog for my toddler here.

http://lastamericanchildhood.blogspot.com/2010/07/odd-discovery.html

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mc inToronto
Twitter:
August 27, 2010 at 11:45 pm

That was funny! You guys should do lying down, stand up!

m

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