The Bluest Eye

by Marinka on March 5, 2009

So everyone is mildly hysterical because there is a fertility clinic in New York that is offering designer babies. If you are like me and are excited by the idea of your baby coming home with interlocking Chanel C’s or the Louis Vuitton fleur de lis on its ass, let me tell you that you’re in for a whole lot of disappointment because according to these morons, “designer” means the ability to choose eye and hair color. Eh, what do you want, we’re in a recession.

And yet that’s not what the outrage is all about, shockingly. Apparently, people are upset about the whole “master race” and “eugenics” thing. Because clearly that’s the great threat that is facing our country.

Am I alone in not being able to figure out why anyone gives a blue eyed devil fuck about this? I mean, the fertility clinic drector announced that within the next six months they’ll allow parents to be the choose their children’s eye and hair color. Where’s the outrage about the six month delay? Are they getting color swatches or what?

So, I decided to quiz Husbandrinka about this and asked if we could have chosen our children’s eye and hair color, what would he have chosen and he says, “dark”. Clearly, this is an attack on this blue eyed, dyed blonde. So, wanting to be open minded (which is so fucking overrated, by the way), I ask “why” and he says “because it’s genetically superior.” “Like what the hell is that supposed to mean?” I ask him and he says, “What part of genetically superior are you struggling with?” and I say, “But don’t you like my blue eyes?” and he says, “they’re fine, but genetically inferior.” So needless to say I am seething and say, “why do you get to decide what is genetically superior and inferior?!” and he says, “Yeah, I didn’t decide that, it’s just how it works.” Which totally implies that I don’t suffer from intellectual superiority.

So parents, rush out and get your blue eyed designer babies now! Because we’ve been genetically inferior long enough.

One year ago ...

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