Boobs

by Marinka on June 29, 2008

Mama calls me and hurls an accusation, “So, you’re sitting on a gold mine and you haven’t said one word to me,” she says. “I had to find out from the children.”

The children. Our personal Greek chorus.

It turns out that earlier this week, as Mama was getting the kids ready to go to the Y for swimming, she picked up a bottle of shampoo and my daughter nearly fainted, claiming that she wasn’t allowed to use it. We bought the lavender shampoo a few weeks before, and as I was paying for it, something was buzzing in my mind. No, not the voices telling me how to save France, but that sense that I should not be buying it. So, a few google searches later, I had my aha! moment, although I’m pretty certain that mine was different from Oprah’s. Lavender has been tied to breast growth in prepubescent boys! Lavender simulates estrogen! Lavender is bad! Children must be kept at least thirty feet away from lavender!

I told Marinkella that she can’t have the shampoo. And when she wanted to know why, I told her that it makes people grow boobs. Yes, I know that that’s not the ideal explanation, especially since the study seems to be confined to boys, and I have no idea whether the shampoo has lavender oil or bits of lavender stuck inside the bottle, but that’s all I had. So, I took the shampoo from her, replaced it with a grapefruit one and called it a day.

But when Mama tried to take it, Marinkella flipped. She said that she wasn’t allowed to use it, and upon questioning told Mama that it would lead to huge boob growth. Mama left it behind, but so far she has shared this story with everyone who has ears. Can marketing to the D cup wannabes be far behind?

One year ago ...

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