From the category archives:

The Economy

The Other Gift Buying Guide

by Marinka on December 14, 2013

I’ve been doing most of my holiday shopping online this year and although Amazon The Other Gift Buying Guide is my all-time favorite go-to source for all things giftable, I thought it would be fun to expand my horizons a bit to see how the other 1% lives.  (Btw, the above link to Amazon is an affiliate link, which means if you click on it and make any purchase on Amazon, I will get a percentage of the purchase price. It’s a really tiny percentage, so I recommend you buy a yacht or two. Hey, summer’s coming!)

But not until we get through the winter. And we know it’s winter because last weekend, my son made this snowball and it’s been in our freezer ever since. We take it out on special occasions, like to put on our tree for that festive snowball in the Christmas tree feeling.

photo 23 225x300 The Other Gift Buying Guide

Actually I only staged it on the Christmas tree because when I first photographed it in a bowl, I became concerned that the DEA would think that I’m making crack cocaine at home. I’m pretty sure that people who make crack cocaine don’t put it on their tree, so I have a solid alibi.

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Anyway.

Here are some ideas for holiday gifts.

For the person who loves black ostrich feathers, even though Jesus and Santa were both white:

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A black ostrich feather. This is for that friend that’s always saying things like “Now where did I put my ostrich feather? I swear I had it somewhere and now I can’t find it! Maybe I’m confused and I never had one to begin with? Hmmm…an ostrich feather would be so great to have!”

And it’s only $75, which is less than, say, $76. And a lot of other numbers that are greater than 75.

For your favorite gynecologist/dismemberment expert, how about this pair of brass legs?

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At $185 (for both!) it’s just a smidge over what you’d pay for two ostrich feathers. Hurry before this deal runs away!

Have a Lady Macbeth-type/OCD person in your life? Well, don’t just sit there. FUCK WITH THEM.

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At a mere $85, this Drip Tease Mug Set will pay for itself in joy and merriment.

Want a fun gift for someone who needs a good cleanse?

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Read. The. Reviews.

Thinking of way to say Happy Holidays! to one of our men or women in uniform on your list?

How about this Michael Kors camouflage mink fur set!

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It’s like over $2000, which is expensive, but it’s mink and it’s camouflaged, so you’re saving a lot on having to get a costume for the mink come Halloween. This is called thinking ahead.

And check this out for more great gift ideas! Really. That link is my gift to you.

So here are some ideas to get you started! Let me know if you find any good deals, I’m always on the lookout. And obviously don’t forget to add that special cookie scent to your order so that the recipient knows you’re not a fucking animal.

Happy Shopping!

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Necessaries

by Marinka on October 10, 2012

Look, I’m on a budget, ok?

And the budget includes only essential items except for those rare times that I  have to go out to have caviar pizza with Kelcey, Karen and Stacy. Oh, I haven’t told you about that yet?

It’s sort of a long story about how one day I bought a Groupon-type deal for dinner at Pravda, Russian bar-restaurant downtown that I thought closed in the 1990s, and then became a maniac because I was worried that the Groupon-thing would expire and I’d be stuck with a piece of paper that was worthless, no offense to the tree that gave it life.  So we finally went to the dinner and Kelcey and I had pizza with salmon and caviar which was delicious.  And super authentic, because when I was growing up behind the Iron Curtain, everyone ate like that.  But we washed it down with prosecco and I had a Lenintini so I’m not going to complain.

But this post isn’t about that.

This post is about how I’ve been on a budget and how whenever the kids ask me for something, like breakfast, for example, I remind them, “we’re on a budget!”

And then they pout or something, but who cares, because problem solved! We’re on a budget is the answer!

But the other day, I was looking on Etsy, that site where people who are crafty get to show off, and I came upon this:

 

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As normal people, we’re thinking the same thing, right? MUST. HAVE.

And of course as soon as I saw it, I wanted it. Because what kind of animal (cats excluded) doesn’t want something like this with gourd season upon us?!

I reviewed our budget and unfortunately didn’t see an item for decorative cat hats. But I reasoned that with the cold weather coming, Nicki was going to need a hat, right?

So I got it.

And when my daughter saw it, she said “I thought we were on a budget” in a way that made it clear that she saw my purchase as a waste of money.

I tried to explain the concept of Must Haves but Young Ladrinka piped in with a “that’s a total waste of money” which made me feel like he thought that my purchase was a waste of money. Although it’s possible that I’m reading too much into it. I probably am.

I mean, how could someone look at something like this and not think that the hat is a wonderful investment?

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Banking

September 21, 2011

Yesterday I noticed that my bank opened up a new branch near where I live. Since I’m 88 years old, this was wonderful news. I immediately decided to take out some fresh cash from the cash machine. I put in my card, pressed “shitload” when it asked me for what amount I wanted in $20 […]

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Da Benjamins: A Financial Guide

March 1, 2011

Please welcome The Flying Chalupa, my very last guest poster! For now. She is hysterical and you’ll even learn something. Please check out her blog, and my favorite, How To Diaper a Pterodactyl. And make sure to follow her on Twitter! -Marinka I can’t find any Benjamins at the moment, but I gotta fistful of […]

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I Need You Like I’ve Never Needed You Before

January 22, 2011

…to help me choose a dress. Because I was recently contacted by Shabby Apple, which sells dresses online, and they offered to give me a dress in exchange for my writing about it. And I was all, Okay! See, the offer came at the exact moment that I realized that although my shopping moratorium had […]

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Pre-Weekend

July 30, 2010

I’ve had a a  busy week.  Sadly, the details aren’t interesting, except for the tragic part yesterday when I forgot to watch the premiere of Project Runway. And when I was invited to my local Gap store to be styled for BlogHer.  I can only assume that the good people at Gap did this because […]

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Taxi!

September 22, 2009

If there’s anything that I love more than problem-solving products, it’s expensive problem-solving products. I’m not one to complain, but for years now, I’ve been positively exhausted by having to stand on the corner of a busy NYC street, lifting up my arm and saying “TAXI!” when I want to hail a cab. Sure, sometimes […]

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Economic Crisis

September 14, 2009

Recently my 8 year old son did some back of the envelope calculations and let me know that he’s running dangerously low on cash. Which he desperately needs for a new Wii game. To make matters worse, he has absolutely no loose teeth, so he can’t even count on any Tooth Fairy funding. He has […]

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