OMG, honey, something terrible happened. The freezer made this deafening sound, it was very apocalyptic, and then, are you sitting down and surrounded by loved ones who are not whores? And then it stopped working?
What do you mean it stopped working?
Yes, you’re in shock. Words no longer make sense. World doesn’t spin. What I mean by “stopped working” is that the freezer is broken. It is set on 36 degrees (probably of separation) and I can’t move it to 0, which is when I believe normal things freeze.
Yes, oh. And by oh, I assume you mean OMFG, WHY?!? WHY?!? I don’t know why these things happen. Everything was fine, it was a normal day. I was making dinner and talking to a friend who was over for book group, and then the noises started. I tried to ignore it like a normal person, but OMG. It got worse. A lot worse. And not the kind of it has to get worse before it gets better type of worse. Just worse and worse and now it’s totally broken and I am involuntarily defrosting chicken breasts and am also losing the will to live. How can something like this happen? I don’t think I can go on. WHAT THE FUCK?! WHY DO FREEZERS BREAK?
Calm down, we’ll just get someone to fix it.
That’s your solution to everything, isn’t it? To “fix it”. And I’m tired of your “calm down” sexism. Why should I calm down when LIFE WITHOUT MY FREEZER IS NO LIFE AT ALL?!
I think we can all agree that I won that one in straight sets. Whatever the hell that means. (Also, good thing I wasn’t playing Serena.)
On a slightly different topic, here’s a video I made of Young Ladrinka that makes me laugh every time I watch it. It originally appeared on this post, but I can’t resist re-posting it here.
And if you’re wondering why he is so cooperative in the video, it’s because he knows how important my blogging career is to me and also I bribed him with a Madden 13 Xbox game.