D and E

by Marinka on June 5, 2015

The other evening I was having dinner with a friend and she mentioned that at our age, we have to do more than just exercise or just diet, in fact we have to do both.

There are many things that I hate about this, starting with that she said “at our age” even though she is several months older than I am, and ending with that I do not consider such statements to be appropriate dinner time conversation. Comments about “diet and exercise” or whatever the politically correct term for that is these days, are more appropriate for the deathbed, so that when someone starts blabbing about it, you get less sad about leaving your loved ones behind and possibly spending an eternity in Hell and start looking forward to a time when you don’t have to listen to shit about diet and exercise.

But then I started to think. Because despite the fact that I have a body of a twenty year old (in my freezer), I neither diet nor exercise. As a matter of fact, I’ve noticed that lately I’ve been eating as though I am in training for a food consumption contest, and although I don’t want to unfairly give you an “insider trading” type of indictable advantage, let’s just say that I wouldn’t bet against me if I were you. So, I continued to think, maybe it’s time to think about diet and exercise.

So I thought about diet and exercise and decided that it wasn’t for me. For one, I don’t really like diet and exercise and I read somewhere that the most important thing about diet and exercise is to like it, otherwise it’s dangerous. I may have read it in a Book of Things That Are Not True, but that’s not really the point. Then I thought that maybe I should let the Good Lord decide what my body will look like without interfering with His Divine Plan. Then I remembered that I am an atheist or maybe agnostic. Then I realized that I’ve never really been sure about the difference between atheism and agnosticism and I spent a few hours Googling it and then I wondered if there were children out there named Google and how that could be an adorable name when someone’s a baby but not so adorable when they grow up. Then I thought about my idea of how people should have different names for different stages in their lives. For example, I really like the name Gloria but I can’t imagine naming a baby that. So the baby would be named Molly, and then, at the appropriate time, at age twenty or something, the name would change to Gloria. It would be confusing at first, but shelter animals go through it all the time. Even our beloved cat Nicki was named Kendra when we got her.

Anyway, I was thinking all those things and getting hungry, which made me think about diet and exercise again.

And then some other things happened and I decided to get a personal trainer. And I had one session. I’ll tell you about it as soon as everything stops hurting. Maybe on my deathbed.

One year ago ...

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

suburbancorrespondent
Twitter:
June 5, 2015 at 7:42 am

In my freezer! That killed me.

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Mama bird diaries
Twitter:
June 6, 2015 at 8:28 am

People need to talk less about diet and exercise and more about chocolate croissantsand TV binge watching.

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Lisa Page Rosenberg June 6, 2015 at 9:14 am

I love you.

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christy June 6, 2015 at 2:26 pm

Tears. I’m in tears. You are just too funny!!

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alexandra June 6, 2015 at 2:58 pm

I love to read your posts the first time for enjoyment. Then I like to go back and pick out my favorite parts. The third time, and I’m still laughing as much as I did when I went through it the first time, I pick out my favorite line. It’s what I love to do. With this one, it’s ” Then I thought that maybe I should let the Good Lord decide what my body will look like without interfering with His Divine Plan.”

Killed me.

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dusty earth mother June 6, 2015 at 3:29 pm

In my freezer. Chortle chortle.

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Susan Weinstein June 6, 2015 at 4:10 pm

I swim laps maybe once a week for a half hour. But I am older than you and if I did not swim I could not walk.

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Olga
Twitter:
June 6, 2015 at 8:37 pm

I actually found you after googling Physique57 so you are like a fitness guru to me!

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Marinka June 6, 2015 at 8:45 pm

hahahahaha

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Liz @ ewmcguire June 8, 2015 at 4:01 pm

Don’t mind me…I’m just over here praying that you aren’t fucking up the Divine Plan by hiring a personal trainer.

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