Marinka: Honey, come here, I want to talk to you.
13 year old daughter: No, thanks.
M: It’s not a choice.
13 yo: WHAT?
M: You know what’s really sucks?
13 yo: I thought I wasn’t allowed to use that word.
M: You’re not, but I can.
13 yo: That’s not fair.
M: It is fair. You’re a child and you can’t use that word, but I’m an adult, so I can. It’s the good thing about being an adult.
13 yo: I thought the good thing about being a grown up was voting.
M: Ok, yes, but now we’re talking about what sucks, not about what’s good. And what sucks is being pregnant.
13 yo: Didn’t you say that it was a really beautiful time in your life or something like that?
M: I did, but I was lying. Because I wanted you to have good self-esteem. And now that that’s done, I can be honest. It was totally gross.
13 yo:Â Ok, whatever.
M:Â Look at my stomach-
13: I get it, mom, it was gross.
M: That’s not- just look at my stomach, and my thighs. Before I got pregnant, I had the body of a supermodel.
13 yo: Where?
M: Where what?
13 yo: Where did you have this model’s body?
M: Oh, you’re a comedienne, aren’t you?
13 yo: …
M: So the point is, getting pregnant is a terrible, terrible thing. Don’t even think about it.
13 yo:Â I wasn’t.
M: But you should remember that being pregnant is the worst thing that could happen to a woman and do everything you can to avoid it.
13: Ok.
M: Great. I’m glad we talked.
13 yo: What if I want to have kids someday?
M: Then you can adopt, like the celebrities.
13 yo: Adopt?
M: Sure. But only after you meet someone you love and are in a committed relationship.
13 yo:Â Ok.
I’m really glad that I had this talk with my teen. Although now I’m worried that I’ve glamorized adoption and that my daughter will adopt while she’s in high school.
_________________________
I’m at Babble Kids today with a brand new post called I gave you life, don’t give me these! about Mother’s Day gifts that I. Do. Not. Want.
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Just about the best sex talk ever. Can’t wait to copy this verbatim with my daughter… in a few years 🙂
I’m convinced, so she certainly should be. I wonder if she’ll start a new trend? Adoption in high school. They’ll have adoption pacts.
Twitter: moveitsister
May 1, 2012 at 11:25 am
Another tip to discourage a daughter from getting pregnant — find a trampoline you both can jump on. Don’t wear a pantyliner.
BTW — still trying to scratch my eyes out after viewing the crochet vagina purse on Babble. Thanks.
CW: you made me laugh out loud. ALSO: wait till your bladder’s full before you sneeze.
Show them what happens.
This is awesome. I think I’ll use it with my boys.
Found you via Suburban Correspondent.
I may have had several similar conversations with my mother, which is probably why when I got pregnant, on purpose, at the age of 30, I freaked out just a little bit.
Also, when I was a kid, I wanted to adopt six kids, but not get married. So glad I changed my mind about that.
I’m sort of glad I only boys… 😉
*have* boys. 🙂
Twitter: bungalow_56
May 1, 2012 at 2:54 pm
Thank God I read this. My sixteen year old needs to adopt too.
Twitter: Mamabirddiaries
May 1, 2012 at 9:49 pm
My daughter was grossed out by my stomach today! I didn’t see the upside until I read this.
So the lesson here is : take pictures of yourself after the birth, not the glowing mother holding a baby kind of pictures, but pictures of your ravished nether regions, stomach and leaking breasts and keep them for when your daughter turns 13?
I may have mentioned before I have a 30 year old and a 17 year old.
…which means I gave birth the year my oldest was 13.
Her Form Teacher said to me that year, “You will never have a problem with teen pregnancy. She is totally grossed out by the whole process.”
I may have overshared…I may also never have grandchildren.
OMG, yes.
Why didn’t I think of this.
Using my stomach as Scared Pregnantless.
Even works with boys: ::lifting up my shirt:: “Do you want your now beautiful girlfriend to look like this? Because, I, too, was once a nowbeautifulgirlfriend.
Brilliant.
Seriously, the stomach showage is brilliance. I think I’m also going to play my “I vomited in the kitchen sink on the breakfast dishes” card.
I like the approach. Especially scaring her with your belly. Almost as good as mine, about make-up, which I wrote about for Motherlode on Monday.
What if she does like Angelina and gets pregnant while adopting?
Twitter: NorthWestMommy
May 2, 2012 at 12:36 pm
I like it. I think I will adopt a similar technic. Show my son before and after pics of me and tell him this is what will happen to his girlfriend. Better yet, before and after of my car. Or daddy’s wallet…
Twitter: TheSuniverse
May 2, 2012 at 2:07 pm
Kudos. I was on a 16 & Pregnant binge one day and watched several several episodes, continually calling the girl and her friend into the room to point out how awful pregnancy is. Because I’m a giver.
Twitter: marta28
May 2, 2012 at 10:53 pm
Next the birth video and she’ll never have sex.
Twitter: grandemocha
May 3, 2012 at 8:11 pm
Marta28 is right. I saw the videos in my childbirth class. I actually asked the teacher if there was a third option for getting the baby out. She did not think I was funny.