Does It Seem Like I’ve Been on Vacation

by Marinka on September 1, 2010

forever?

Because it does to me, and I’m a little worried about my introduction to society next week.

But there are things that are certainly helping it along.

Like yesterday, in the middle of the day, just as I’d posted my concerns about our cat Nicki being a failure as a mouser, a MOUSE RAN ACROSS THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR, in broad daylight! and Nicki just sat there, sleeping.

My daughter and I did the customary “Eek! A mouse!” shriek and climbed onto the sofa so that the mouse wouldn’t attack us, and Young Ladrinka, summoned by our screams, ran into the room, demanding to be told what was going on. We told him that the mouse ran under the sofa (of course we had no idea where the mouse ran, but under the sofa seemed mousesish) and Young Ladrinka grabbed Nicki and started to try to shove her under the couch, so that she could do what God intended cats to do.

Unfortunately, Nicki wasn’t interested, so Young Ladrinka came up with an idea of getting a piece of cheese and sticking it under the sofa so that Nicki would pursue it (or that the mouse could have brunch) and I had to be the big bad meanie and say that NO CHEESE UNDER THE SOFA.

And then, as Nicki popped an Ambien so that she could resume her so-rudely interrupted catnap, I did the only thing I could think to do and called mama to complain, once again, that Nicki was a complete failure in the mousing department.

Oh, you should have heard mama defending Nicki. She was like Nicki’s personal Dream Team.

First, she suggested that Nicki wasn’t really sleeping when the mouse ran right under her stupid pink nose, but was rather “pretending to sleep” as part of a cat-and-mouse game. I had several problems with this, starting with the fact that Nicki is no Meryl Streep and ending with the fact that Nicki was snoring while the mouse was running around.

Then, mama suggested that Nicki injured the mouse during the night and the mouse was therefore disoriented and was out in the middle of the day because..I guess he was looking to get medical attention or something. I don’t know. I had to cruelly reject that theory too, because the mouth seemed in the height of health and was practically carrying a yoga mat with him.

Finally, mama told me that she thinks that Nicki had this mega one-on, one-off strategy, whereby she’d chase the mouse one night and then take the day off, thereby giving the mouse a false sense of security, only to pounce on the mouse and destroy him in the next 48 to 72 hours. A Shock and Awe, if you will.

I don’t know. I think Nicki may be some kind of pacifist vegetarian.

The other problem that I’m having, and I apologize that I can only write about in the vaguest terms, is that we are having a sort of a dispute with some other parties, who for once are not related to us, and when we talked at dinner about the best way to handle it, Young Ladrinka came up with “let’s kill them!” And although it was obviously a joke, boys will be boys, you know, Husbandrinka could not stop himself from saying, “this is America, son, and we resolve disputes in the court of law.” I swear, he talks like that. And so I said, “yes, but don’t forget that you’re Italian American, honey, so, wink, wink, let’s keep Young Ladrinka’s plan in our back pocket!” and he got super offended because he doesn’t think it’s funny to make mafia Italian-American jokes.

So I won’t.

One year ago ...

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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Dana
Twitter:
September 1, 2010 at 9:43 pm

Goddam mice. One just ran through here too. And, as I said the other day, our dog is as savage as little Nicki. The mice might as well take over the joint.

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Annje September 1, 2010 at 10:11 pm

I think you should have a little talk with Nicki, and let her know that she is free to eat only what she can catch–no more cat food. Would that be too harsh for a city cat? And husbandrinka should definitely embrace his mafioso heritage 😉

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Nadine September 1, 2010 at 10:34 pm

Perhaps you should have some fresh horse-burgers for dinner (no I do not eat horses, nor would I advocate for such a practice except in such a dire situation as you are presenting, as they are a family favorite) because then you could have the horse head to leave on the problematic non-family doorstep, so they could get the message — and, you could argue that throwing out the horse’s head would be wasteful; Young Ladrinka could embrace that portion of his heritage; and, perhaps the problematic non-family parties would get the message! As a bonus, seeing the horse being be-headed (and eaten) may scare the wits out of Nicki and she’d head under the couch and find that blooming mouse.

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kiki
Twitter:
September 2, 2010 at 12:20 am

i would nip this mouse thing in the bud. when there is one, there is sure to be others. at least that is what our exterminator told us. we had the elderly mouse aunt and uncle, the mother (that had her babies in my husband’s shorts drawer) and her husband. poison had taken care of him and the extended family members while my husband took care of mama and her babies with a frying pan out in the driveway still nestled inside a pair of his shorts. me? i stood screaming in the house in the midst of a nervous breakdown, and my hysterical fit lasted for at least 2 hours. it’s been 2 years since that day and i still can’t put clothes away in that drawer. i think it’s time for you to get another cat. i like ladrinka’s cheese idea, too. good luck.

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The Flying Chalupa
Twitter:
September 2, 2010 at 12:49 am

I don’t think Nicki is pacifist vegetarian so much as lazy-ass-I-got-me-some-food-in-a-bowl-and-I-ain’t-chasin-no-stinkin-mouse. But it’s funny how defensive mama is about the cat. I vote for putting Young Ladrinka’s plan into action and settle the rodent dispute by killing them all. Outside the courts of law. Preferably in a dumpster.

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Amy September 2, 2010 at 1:18 am

haha That last sentence (or two) got me good. It would, of course, be a WHOLE different story if YOU were the Italian-American and HE were making the joke. THEN it’d be funny, yes?? haha

Instead of just cheese under the couch, put a mousetrap with cheese under there and then once you catch the mouse have Young Ladrinka take care of it.

🙂
Amy

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traci September 2, 2010 at 7:31 am

My utmost concern is for Nicki’s inclination to prescription pills. I’d start counting out your quaaludes, Marinka.

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Awesome dude September 2, 2010 at 9:06 am

Sly is coming in 2 days…..the situation will be remedied….or may be glue traps will put this blogging issue to end.

I feel that you are ready to rejoin the neurotic society of ours.

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Sophie@Fabrications September 2, 2010 at 10:32 am

You mean there is wildlife in NYC outside the zoo? Man, you can sell tickets and make money!

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annie September 2, 2010 at 11:23 am

Honestly Marinka, you’re in NYC – you should be used to rats the size of Nikki. Or do you not hang out in the subway tunnels?

I’d advise against glue traps. The little buggers make a horrible racket trying to get loose. I still have nightmares!

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Jane September 2, 2010 at 11:28 am

Here in Colorado my cats Tim and Precious are know far and wide in the mouse community! In fact Precious came with the house. They warned me if I got rid of her I’d be sorry!

On top of keeping the house “clear” every night they both get 15 minutes in the chicken coop…..they each come out with a full mouth without fail.

If you would like to send Nicki to camp out here we’d be more than happy to have her!!! We’ll send her back a guaranteed Mouser!!

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Blognut
Twitter:
September 2, 2010 at 11:56 am

I think I love your cat. I want to be Nicki in my next life.

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magpie September 2, 2010 at 2:49 pm

“we resolve disputes in the court of law” = SUE THE BASTARDS

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Peajaye
Twitter:
September 2, 2010 at 3:26 pm

Oh sure, blame Ladrinka’s proclivities on the Italian-American side of the family. I mean, whoever heard of anything as ridiculous as the Russian mob?

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
September 2, 2010 at 11:38 pm

There is nothing worse than a mouse running across one’s home.

Except maybe a rat.

I’m sure Nicki would be all over a rat.

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dusty earth mother September 3, 2010 at 9:03 am

Thoroughly enjoyed the image of the mouse running by with a yoga mat. Let’s get together sometime and exchange mice woes. We have so many that we’re contemplating moving into a hotel and letting them have the place.

Glad you’re back!!!

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Vicki
Twitter:
September 3, 2010 at 9:39 am

If making fun of Italian-Americans is wrong, then me and my 10:00 weekly date with Jersey Shore don’t want to be right.

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CSY September 3, 2010 at 10:22 am

Just be grateful Niki didn’t do what an old cat of ours did…she beheaded a gopher, left the body on the door mat so when my mom went out to get her paper, there was the headless gopher. After Mom screamed for ever and a day, got rid of the body and walked into her room…guess what the cat had left on my mom’s pillow. If you guessed the gopher head – you’re right. I laughed till I peed myself, Mom didn’t think it was that funny and I had to get rid of the head, the pillow and almost the cat.

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