Fear of Flying

by Marinka on December 23, 2009

On Wednesday afternoon, I am flying with my kids to see my in-laws. For reasons that I will not disclose until Blog Sweeps, Husbandrinka is not flying with us.

I am a nervous flyer under the best of circumstances (WTF are those, exactly?) so I’m especially nervous about this solo flight.  Who will comfort me when there’s turbulence? Who will adjust my oxygen mask? Who will I get to shove out of the way and scream “Women and children first, jackass!” in case the unthinkable happens.  The unthinkable, in this case, of course, being them running out of liquor on the plane.

My children sense my hesitation and strive to comfort me.

“Guess what’s white and falls out of the sky?” Young Ladrinka asks.

“Snow!” I say happily, thinking of NYC blanketed in the recent snowstorm.

“Nope!” he says.

“A feather?” I guess. “A bird, maybe?”

He shakes his head and I am out of guesses.

“A plane!” he tells me.  God, I hate homemade jokes.  Leave it to the professionals, kid.

“A PLANE?” I shriek.  “Why does a plane fall out of the sky?”

“I don’t mean, fall, I meant more like land , but if I said land, you’d know the answer right away.”

I hope he’s not a junior prophet or anything.

And then at dinner, I asked Husbandrinka.

“Do you think it’s safe to fly tomorrow?”
And instead of saying, “Super-safe!” he says, “it’s no safer or more dangerous than flying on any other day.”

Which is basically like saying “nice knowing you.”

So, good bye.

And for those of you who will say that the car ride to the airport is more dangerous than the flight itself–how exactly do you think I’m going to get to the airport?!

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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Sophie December 23, 2009 at 1:39 am

There, there. Not only is it super-safe to fly today, the car ride will be nice and relaxed, and guess what? they’re going to carry extra supplies of all your favorite liqour!

Have a good trip!

Reply

Scary Mommy
Twitter:
December 23, 2009 at 7:11 am

I am utterly terrified of flying. Once, when Lily was about 2 she kept repeating “we’re going to fallllllll!!” mid-flight. I convinced myself she was psychic and was practically hyperventilating. Not fun.

But, have a great trip– you’ll be FINE. xo

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Jeanne December 23, 2009 at 7:33 am

Maybe you’d better put whiskey in your little carry-on shampoo bottles….

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Maureen@IslandRoar December 23, 2009 at 8:37 am

Husbandrinka deserting you in your time of need??
There is no excuse for that.
I think you should get an extra gift for having to take the kids and fly alone.

Reply

rimarama
Twitter:
December 23, 2009 at 8:50 am

I have enjoyed reading your blog.

(Good luck.)

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anna see December 23, 2009 at 9:45 am

I hope to hear from you again in the future.

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always home and uncool
Twitter:
December 23, 2009 at 9:48 am

Go by horse-drawn sleigh. It’s seasonally correct and you never read about those this crashing these days.

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kiki
Twitter:
December 23, 2009 at 10:16 am

have a safe trip and a wonderful time with your in-laws. i hate flying. i hope husbandrinka is flying in the next few days to be with all of you, so you have him for the return flight home. take care.

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magpie December 23, 2009 at 10:20 am

Take the subway, honey.

Have a happy Christmas and all.

Reply

Managed Chaos
Twitter:
December 23, 2009 at 10:20 am

Safe (and sane) travels…can’t wait for Blog Sweeps…that story must be a doozey!

Reply

peajaye
Twitter:
December 23, 2009 at 11:20 am

so let me get this straight: husbandrinka gets YOU to haul the kids onto a plane to go visit HIS relatives? genius!

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Sprite's Keeper
Twitter:
December 23, 2009 at 12:03 pm

I don’t think it’s your time to go, Marinka. Now, the pilot? Not a clue. But you? You’re good. (Watch the flight attendants. If they’re calm, you’re okay. That got me through the flights to Chicago last July.)

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Maria from nj December 23, 2009 at 7:43 pm

Check the pilots for laptops with Facebook on them. A longer flight lands you in Florida!

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LZ
Twitter:
December 24, 2009 at 8:33 am

I hate to fly. So much so that we make the drive from Boston to South Carolina (to see my in-laws.) 16 hours, instead of a flight less than 2 hours.
You’ll be fine and so happy you didn’t have to drive!!! Happy Holidays!

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amy2boys
Twitter:
December 24, 2009 at 12:15 pm

You will be fine. They never run out of vodka at the holidays.

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Stefanie
Twitter:
December 24, 2009 at 6:00 pm

Blog sweeps made me laugh out loud.

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Kari December 25, 2009 at 2:15 am

I have ways of accidentally “missing” a flight – just let me know if you need any tips. Of course, by now – you are already there, so moot point. Plus, I think you already know my secret methods.

Reply

The Penny-Pinching Mama December 27, 2009 at 2:33 pm

I am so with you! I have a knack for making calm people panic right along with me. Must. Have. Another. Gin and Tonic.

Reply

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