Flying with the Goyim

by Marinka on December 17, 2009

I’ve been feeling very lock-n-loadish.

Mostly because for the first time in many years, I have to travel over Christmas.

It happened before, about 9 years ago, when my daughter was 2.

“Let’s go to North Carolina!” Husbandrinka said.  It made sense. His cousin lived there and his parents were in North Carolina.

“OK!” I agreed.  Because we were still pretty newlywed and I was giving this whole “agreeable”  load a try.

The second we arrived at the airport on Christmas Eve, I changed my mind.

“God, the Goyim are stupid,”  I told Husbandrinka as I surveyed the crowds. I’d never seen that many people voluntarily congregated in one spot.

“Goyim?”  He asked.    I was trying the phrase out after he told me that it was unfriendly to call Christians the Unchosen.

“I don’t see too many Jews here,” I pointed to the scene before us. All the Jews were home eating bagels, like normal people.

“Why don’t you come back at Passover,” Husbandrinka counseled. “And take a look at Palm Beach flights?”

“Mostly because I’m not insane,” I told him.  “But great idea!”

We landed in North Carolina a few million hours later.

“You know,” Husbandrinka told me, “my cousin  is sort of old-fashioned.”

“Old fashioned?” I asked, imagining some caroling on Christmas Eve.

“Yes.  Closed minded and bigoted,” he pinned a yellow Star of David to my lapel.

* * *

For reasons that are too complicated to go into here, including that the cousin is unalive, we have been spending Christmas in New York City ever since.

Which has been great, because I got to avoid the Goyim Christmas Airport experience.  Except this year, my mother- in-law decided that she was going to enjoy some back surgery and now she can’t travel.  So we’re flying to North Carolina to visit them.  At Christmas.  With Goyim.

One year ago ...

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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

CannedLaughter December 17, 2009 at 6:15 pm

For your own sake be sure to travel with fruitcake. I’m told you can pacify a goyim mob with fruitcake. Oh and egg nog. No, actually, it’s just egg nog. Whait, what were we talking about? ((slurrrp))

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Marinka December 17, 2009 at 11:13 pm

I thought that under the new FAA regulations, fruitcake was no longer allowed on planes. Or in the United States in general.

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Gray Matter Matters December 17, 2009 at 6:41 pm

Rookie mistake. Travel ON Christmas. The security lines will part for you like the Red Sea.

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Marinka December 17, 2009 at 11:14 pm

That’s a great idea! And take the flight back the same night, right? For more Red Sea parting miracles.

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Pop and Ice
Twitter:
December 17, 2009 at 10:10 pm

Mmmm……just bring cookies. Cookies solve all problems, fill in awkward gaps. Cookies……..

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Marinka December 17, 2009 at 11:15 pm

I will heed your wisdom. Cookies.

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Maureen@IslandRoar December 17, 2009 at 11:11 pm

Oh, no.
Hope you don’t need to break out the star again. Maybe valium would work better. At least for the airport. Of course, I don’t know your MIL; maybe it’d work there as well.

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Marinka December 17, 2009 at 11:16 pm

Unfortunately, my mother in law is lovely. Which really doesn’t help me with blog fodder, unfortunately.

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Elisa
Twitter:
December 18, 2009 at 12:25 am

Marinka, I am sure it will be fun. Provided you get drunk *beforehand* (because they don’t allow liquids past security, so you have to be smart and schedule this) and fall asleep on the plane, while your husband enjoys the company of his own kids and the Goyim.

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Lisa Rae @ smacksy December 18, 2009 at 12:49 am

“Unalive” is my new favorite adjective.
Happy Ho Ho.

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MommyTime
Twitter:
December 18, 2009 at 1:08 am

Think of it this way: if this were ten years ago, the flight would be far worse because everyone would be getting on the plane with two of those giant department store tote bags crammed with wrapped packages that they didn’t want to check in luggage, and you would be stuck trying to fit your completely reasonably sized carry on ANYWHERE on the plane, while the present-space-taker-uppers-and-hoarders just looked at you like YOU were the nutty one. At least now, with the FAA Draconian Regulations Regarding Luggage you can be pretty sure that you won’t be in present carry-on hell. Now all you need is a few shots of something warming, say Frangelico with a dash of cream, and you’ll be okay. Good luck.

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Coco
Twitter:
December 18, 2009 at 8:26 am

How nice that you have a lovely MIL. If she has a good sense of humor she should enjoy being the subject of a few postings. I feel for you having to deal with the airport. I can’t stand even going to the grocery store this time of year.

Merry Christmas & Happy Hanaku…damn. I don’t know how to spell that.

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six in the city December 18, 2009 at 8:38 am

Your first line practically made me fall of my chair because I was laughing so hard. I can totally relate!

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Wendi
Twitter:
December 18, 2009 at 9:30 am

Try this at the airport, “Goyim? Oh, boyim!”

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Stimey
Twitter:
December 18, 2009 at 12:43 pm

Enjoy!

I absolutely refuse to travel at Christmas. Refuse. Won’t do it. No one even bothers to ask.

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anna see December 18, 2009 at 9:36 pm

Yeah, have fun with that! We travel every single Christmas. Ugh.

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
December 18, 2009 at 10:39 pm

The key is to travel on Christmas Day. No people. No hassles.

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jessica December 20, 2009 at 2:51 am

smartest thing I ever did was cancel my trip to NYC this time. Is it b/c I’m Jewish? I don’t know. I don’t care.

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Heather (qtberryhead) December 20, 2009 at 1:30 pm

I can’t maintain the holiday spirit with loads of family. Christmas has been much better since we took up the tradition of refusing to leave our house.

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thecheckoutgirl
Twitter:
December 21, 2009 at 10:23 pm

“I was trying the phrase out after he told me that it was unfriendly to call Christians the Unchosen.” Yes. In so many ways, yes.

My holidays have improved greatly since putting an entire USofA between my family and I. Wordlessly, we have agreed on the mighty Mississip’ as the line of demarcation, and it works for us. Dr. Phil can shove it, I got this crap figured out.

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