Friendship

by Marinka on November 24, 2008

Many of you know about my friend John. We met at work, but I also love him. As a matter of fact, I think that if I were single, and he were heterosexual, and earned more money, and had a better personality, I would marry him. The marriage would really be helped along if he were the last man on earth. And if there were a law making it absolutely mandatory for everyone to marry. And if Proposition 8 were federal law, so I couldn’t marry another woman. Or an animal. But only if he asked really nicely because I don’t want to seem too eager or anything.
A few weeks ago, John and I had a mini argument, I don’t even remember about what and I threatened him with Blog Death.
“I can kill you off on my blog, get lots of posting material out of it and people would probably even send me money for your funeral,” I blurted out. What? It was the first thing that came to mind, don’t tell me that you haven’t thought the same thing.
“Oh, please,” he said. “I have my own cult following on your blog.” He may have mentioned that I was nothing without him, that he made me and could destroy me and uttered something mildly anti-semitic as well, I don’t know. I’m not the type to dwell on the negative.
But it did give me an idea about how I could exploit John.
I decided that I would put up a poll to see who people wanted to ask questions of more–Husbandrinka or John. In no time at all, John was leading by a sizable margin. Insane.

“John is getting more votes that Husbandrinka on my blog,” I told Husbandrinka.

“Who is ‘Husbandrinka’? Is that me?” Husbandrinka asked. It’s almost like he wants me to think that he doesn’t give a shit.
So John won.
“Great,” John said, when I told him on the phone over the weekend. I detected sarcasm.
“You know, you could be more loving and supportive of my blog,” I accused him.
“Listen, if I were any more loving, you’d be pregnant and if I were any more supportive, you wouldn’t need a bra.”
He just comes up with this stuff. No wonder I transcribe his every word.
So, if you’ve been saving up questions for John, please let me hear them. I will do my best to get him to answer them, with only the slightest editing from me. A little tweaking here and taking in there, if you will.

Post your questions in comments or email me MarinkaNYC@Gmail.com
And remember, an opportunity like this does not come every day!  You’re welcome.

One year ago ...

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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

Kylie w Warszawie November 25, 2008 at 2:27 am

My husband has specifically asked me to stop calling him Owl in my blog. It’s like we’re married to total opposites.

I’ll have to come up with a good question for John…I’ll get back to you.

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Vodka Mom November 25, 2008 at 4:46 am

omg I am laughing my ass off right now. (and you know that’s no small feat.) I LOVED the list at the beginning! (ha ha ha) jesus, I love a good laugh in the morning..)

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Vodka Mom November 25, 2008 at 4:47 am

wait, was I supposed to ask john something? Who’s the ugliest celebrity he would sleep with?

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Tracey November 25, 2008 at 5:28 am

Ok, well, I have been awake all freaking night worrying about every random thing from life insurance in case my husband dies and leaves me wallowing in debt to how to brew a better cup of coffee.

So. My question, Sir John, is what can YOU, as the blogging celebrity you will become because of Marinka’s fabulous blog, do about these problems? Hmm? What? I AM TIRED, John. I need answers!

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Kristine November 25, 2008 at 7:14 am

John, what are you going to actually DO to fix the economy? I want specifics.

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Rachel November 25, 2008 at 7:25 am

Hmmm… I’m not very familiar with John, but I wonder if there is a woman (besides Marinka, of course) that could convert him to heterosexuality.

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Andy November 25, 2008 at 7:46 am

I want to know if John sits around thinking of these one-liners all day. And if he would marry you…

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Comedy Goddess November 25, 2008 at 7:53 am

John, did you ever imagine that you would be someones straight man?

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cog November 25, 2008 at 8:22 am

If you kill off a gay blog character, is it a hate crime?

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Heather November 25, 2008 at 9:14 am

Why do gay men have such great style and straight men don’t?

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Heather, Queen of Shake Shake November 25, 2008 at 9:19 am

John: Can you prove, from a quantum mechanical viewpoint, that you are actually a real person and not a figment of Marinka’s imagination? Because I’m starting to wonder.

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Heinous November 25, 2008 at 9:27 am

John, how do you find us as a cult following? More or less Manson-esque?

I keep my Marinka shrines under 3 stories tall if that helps you gauge your response.

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Anonymous November 25, 2008 at 9:41 am

What did John think of you when you two first met?

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Z November 25, 2008 at 11:31 am

Questions. Hmmm… None. I’m intimidated by the ones already posed! Sheesh! What creativity! 🙂

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Kimberly November 25, 2008 at 12:12 pm

John, if you could get away with the perfect crime, what would it be?

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Maura November 25, 2008 at 1:04 pm

The only thing I want to ask John is to call me if he moves to SF, because although I cannot out-fabulous the one and only Marinka, I’d have a hell of a good time trying, with him here!

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jon November 25, 2008 at 1:05 pm

my question for John is which celeb should come out of the closet next?

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Roadchick November 25, 2008 at 1:22 pm

You know, when I voted for John, I didn’t know that meant I had to come up with a question.

Is it too late to retract my vote?

Yes, I’m that lazy.

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heartatpreschool November 25, 2008 at 1:40 pm

Here’s my question for Johnrinka…

Ok. I don’t have one. I just wanted to call him Johnrinka.

Maybe my question is, do you have to be related to, or legally bound to Marinka, in order to get the rinka in your name?

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Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy November 25, 2008 at 7:05 pm

I have no idea who John is because I just started reading this blog, but I’ll ask him a question anyway…

Does he have a blog where I can ask questions about Marinka?

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Frogs in my formula November 25, 2008 at 7:25 pm

Dear John, Why is Husbandrinka too cool for school??? I love the sexy banter b/t you and your gay man friend. Priceless.

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PsychMamma November 25, 2008 at 8:20 pm

I’d like to know: if he had an invisibility cloak what would be the first thing he would do?

P.S. Shout out to Kylie who has me thinking about invisibility cloaks. I think she’s at Berkley right now trying to acquire one……

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Anonymous November 26, 2008 at 4:18 am

John- the Blogger’s council would like to know how many sweaters you own?

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Kirsten / Mama Ginger Tree November 26, 2008 at 9:44 pm

Dear John,
When can we expect to see the pilot of Preggo and Queer? Who would you pick to play Queer and who would you pick to play Preggo?

-Kirsten

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Charmaine January 20, 2009 at 5:38 pm

John,

Do you have any straight friends that will go out with me?

What do you do for a living?

Is Tom Cruise gay?

Reply

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