He’s Going to Make Some Woman Very Happy One Day

by Marinka on October 3, 2010

I spent the weekend in lovely West Virginia, attending a college friend’s wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony, and it made me think a lot about marriage and commitment and how lucky I am to have friends who have found love and wanted me to be part of their day. It was a second marriage for both bride and groom so the wedding didn’t have many of the elements that make weddings eye-rolly for me, like pouffy dresses and Corinthians 13:4-7 but was filled with humor and readings that had meaning to the couple, and so much champagne and wine that I am proclaiming all alcohol to be devil’s water and swearing it off until at least Tuesday.

Because on Tuesday Papa and I are going to see Time Stands Still, a play with my skin-double Laura Linney. I was offered the tickets in exchange for a write-up about the show, and when I emailed Papa asking if he’d accompany me and do a joint review with me, he emailed back with an absolutely, and we’ll get loaded before and after. So there’s that review to look forward to. Siskel and Eibert never did that for you, I bet.

Anyway. I came back to NYC on Sunday night, exhausted and drained but spiritually pleased, and I was so happy to see the children and then my daughter goes into the bathroom to brush her teeth and lets out a blood curdling scream. And if she weren’t at that age at which everything is HIGH DRAMA, I’d be alarmed. And then she comes out of the bathroom holding this and seething that someone’s going to pay.

Toothbrush. Oreos sold separately.

She marches up to Young Ladrinka, who’s in the middle of watching a Pokemon evolve on his DSi (don’t ask) and starts yelling at him, and asking him why her toothbrush is brown. And he explains that it’s because he had cookies for dessert and that’s what happens when you brush Oreod teeth. With your sister’s toothbrush. So of course she’s fuming that he used her toothbrush, because now she can’t use it, but fortunately I have many new unused and unOreod toothbrushes to calm her with. Except I’m worried that my 9 year old son doesn’t have the very important life skill of recognizing his own toothbrush in the sea of other toothbrushes. I don’t want to raise a toothbrushist who claims that all toothbrushes look alike, you know.

So after my daughter storms off to brush and floss, I sit him down and tell him that I think he should devote a few minutes daily to a toothbrush familiarization routine. Which would be just spending some time with his toothbrush so that he recognizes its colors and other identifying features. And then he tells me that he knew that it wasn’t his toothbrush, but that his toothbrush was in his backpack (they slept over at mama’s and papa’s house while I was at the wedding) and he was too lazy to retrieve it.

So, let’s recap: we have theft (using his sister’s property); sloth (too lazy to get the toothbrush) and deception (lying to his sister about not knowing whose toothbrush it was). Three in one shot.

Fantastic.

One year ago ...

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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Irish Gumbo October 3, 2010 at 10:07 pm

Trifecta!

Reply

suburbancorrespondent
Twitter:
October 3, 2010 at 10:22 pm

Anyone else grossed out here?

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anna see October 3, 2010 at 11:22 pm

Well played, Ladrinka, well played.

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Awesome dude October 4, 2010 at 7:43 am

The boy has all the markings of a very manly man…I love the fact that he is too lazy to make excuses.

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
October 3, 2010 at 11:33 pm

I’m starting to think that personal hygiene is not at the top of Ladrinka’s list. But heck, at least he did brush his teeth. I’m grossed out and keep in mind, I’ve had lice in my hair within the last month so it’s not that easy to gross me out.

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Yuliya
Twitter:
October 4, 2010 at 12:09 am

Shampooing hair AND brushing teeth? Such expectations!
Poor Ladrinka straining under the yoke of capitalist, cleanliness-obsessed oppression, I will start a foundation for him.

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Amy @ The Bitchin' Wives Club
Twitter:
October 4, 2010 at 5:48 am

Watching Pokemon evolve is a way more important life skill than recognizing whether or not a toothbrush is yours or not yours. Pshhh.

Anyway, I am more disgusted that he didn’t rinse out the oreo dregs than anything else… BOYS. (Young Ladrinka and my Destructo sound like they would hit it off perfectly, btw.)

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Whitney
Twitter:
October 4, 2010 at 8:39 am

Ahh… the life of being the big sister! I know it well!

And, no worries, Young Ladrinka will find a good woman who will whip him into shape. Only took my baby brother 27 years!

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CSY October 4, 2010 at 9:37 am

Don’t worry about Young Ladrinka…he’s being the little brother and making his st=isters life miserable! It’ll only get worse before it gets better (meaning it’ll be like this until she goes to college).

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dusty earth mother October 4, 2010 at 9:42 am

I love that not only did he Oreo his sister’s toothbrush, he is so self-confident that he didn’t even bother to wash off the evidence. This is definitely someone who does not need to wash his hair with shampoo.

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cat fur to make kitten britches October 4, 2010 at 9:53 am

Isn’t it interesting, the difference in standards between girls and boys? As in, girls have them, boys don’t. (I have one of each, so I know whereof I speak!)

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Kimberly October 4, 2010 at 10:34 am

You left out ‘grossness’. Knowingly using someone elses toothbrush us like knowingly wearing someones underwear after they’ve worn them. There us an ick factor. I won’t even use my husbands toothbrush.

Awesome Dude’s comment is very prophetic though.

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GrandeMocha
Twitter:
October 5, 2010 at 10:52 pm

I won’t use my husbands toothbrush either. Yuck! And I’ve been kissing him for 20 years.

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traci October 4, 2010 at 11:30 am

Dear Ladrinka-

Your next video, can it please be an explanation of how and why Pokemons evolve. My children can’t seem to explain said phenomenon.

Thank you,

Clueless In New Jersey

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Vicki
Twitter:
October 4, 2010 at 12:33 pm

Looks like a normal Soviet toothbush to me.

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Peajaye
Twitter:
October 4, 2010 at 4:28 pm

And by “He’s Going to Make Some Woman Very Happy One Day,” do you mean his dentist, therapist or probation officer?

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Jonathan October 4, 2010 at 7:00 pm

One rule I remember learning as a kid is not to lie when you are faced with unrefutable proof. It’s easier and less debasing to throw yourself on the mercy of the court and everything blows over faster. I am sure he is figuring that out too.
And before AND after? I love Papa more each day.

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annie October 4, 2010 at 11:28 pm

A word of advice….make sure he eats oreos everyday. That way you’ll know who’s toothbrush he’s used. I can’t help but think he’s done it before and just not left evidence.

I don’t think the laziness is a new thing based on the whole no shampoo thing. Just because his toothbrush is there, doesn’t necessarily mean that’s the one he chooses to use right?

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Meg D October 5, 2010 at 5:22 pm

Hahaha! Excellent husband material.

At least you won’t have to worry about them reading 1 Corinthians 13 at his wedding. I am all about love but that passage is like nails on a chalkboard to me!

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Sophie@Fabrications October 7, 2010 at 6:59 am

Did anybody mention gluttony yet? You know, the whole Oreo thing… I’m too lazy to read everybody who commented before me.

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