How To Make Your Husband Insane

So Husbandrinka, the kids and I are driving home after a lovely three day weekend at my parents’ dacha and because it has been 12 minutes since my last meal, I ask Husbandrinka what he thinks we should have for dinner.

And he says, “Well, we ate a lot all weekend, so why don’t we just go to Gray’s Papaya and get a couple of hot dogs?”

And I’m all, “If you want to gorge on hot dogs, just say so, don’t act like it’s some new diet food or something.”

And he says, “How long is this menopause going to last?”

And I say, “As long as you keep saying inane things, so I estimate approximately forever.”

And we drove in silence for the next three minutes, which I suspect he kind of enjoyed.

And then a Kinks song came on, which he loves. And I remembered my passive aggressive trick which I haven’t used in like ages. This is advanced shit, people, so don’t try it at home.

When someone is listening to the song that they love, sing along with the lyrics, but translate them into Spanish. For some strange reason, it makes people absolutely insane. And if you’re not that great in Spanish, try Spanglish. It’s fun and easy.

Like I did.

Here are the lyrics:

Come dancing,
Come on sister, have yourself a ball.
Don’t be afraid to come dancing,
It’s only natural.

This is what I sang:

Come-o bailando!
Hermana, tengo yourself un pellota!
No teine meiedo para bailando!
Solamente natural!

See? It totally keeps you on your feet by exercising your brain, so I’m pretty sure that it fights Alzheimer’s too!

After that the rest of the ride was spent in silence to the Nth power, interrupted only by my thanking Husbandrinka, profusely, for taking the scenic route, because I certainly didn’t want to get home early after being away for three days and kids being cooped up in the car forever only enhanced everyone’s mood.

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One year ago ...

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