I’m Back

by Marinka on March 5, 2010

I’ve been away from blogland a lot this week, and I’ve missed it.
I was doing other things, drug trafficking, if you must know, but I feel uncomfortable talking about it on my blog because people are so judgmental.
“Ooh, drugs are bad!” “Just say No!” It’s almost enough to make me give up trafficking.

But now that I’ve had a mini break from blogging, I had a chance to reflect on something that’s been bothering me. This whole vibe pulsing through parts of the mommy blog community is that we have to protect our children. Which is true, who can argue with that, but then I realize that we have to protect our children from ourselves, from blogging honestly about their less-than-cute moments.

One site in particular claims that mothers who write honestly about their children, about the every day child-rearing experience in less than glowing terms are somehow betraying their children and robbing them of their childhood, because, and stay with me here, they are violating their children’s privacy and causing potential emotional distress for these kids because one day, when they’re old enough to Google, or whatever the 3.0 version of that will be, they will type in their names and the words “WHY WON’T THIS FUCKING PAIN IN THE ASS GO TO SLEEP SO THAT I CAN HAVE A GLASS OF CAB AND WATCH RHONY?!” will pop up.

This is what people are worried about. And they are on a crusade to bring these mommy bloggers to justice. It’s enough to make me root for the lions.

Because if there’s one thing that I love about blogging, it’s the cash. I mean, the community. But after that, it’s honestly. The admission that although we love our children and cherish them, we need to get away from them every once in a while because they are relentless, and demanding and all-consuming and although the demands that they place upon it’s perfect normal, there’s a Yellow Wallpaper quality to it, too, and everyone needs a break.

It hurts me to see women attacked for admitting that their children exasperate them. For laughing at their children and the inanity of day-in, day-out with of parenthood.

Thank goodness that I have drug trafficking to cheer me up.

One year ago ...

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{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }

hokgardner
Twitter:
March 5, 2010 at 8:16 pm

Amen and hallelujah!

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Bianca March 5, 2010 at 8:21 pm

I don’t have kids yet, but when I do, you better believe I will write about them just like I write about my mother, my jobs and anyone/else that pisses me off. Sometimes the truth hurts, but that’s not my problem.

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Leslie March 5, 2010 at 8:22 pm

The non-blogging mommies appreciate the mommy bloggers for your humor and honesty, helps keep it all in check for us too. (your uggs post was right on the money for me!)

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Mr Lady March 5, 2010 at 8:22 pm

I straddle this fence.

I am all about sharing my feelings on being a parent with the internet, and someday my kids, and I don’t feel like it’s exploitation but the day my then 9 year old asked me, “Mom, if my friends google my name, will they find your blog?” was the day I thanked god I decided to make up names for them.

Because I share my story, but not theirs. Their stories are theirs alone to share. Finding that line is really hard for me sometimes.

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Marinka March 5, 2010 at 8:33 pm

I don’t use my children’s real names either (I know, shocker! My son isn’t really Young Ladrinka!) but I distinguish between internet creepiness/safety and feeling the need to be Polyanna “motherhood is wonderful all the time, and sure it would be nice to have a cocktail with my friends, but I’d miss my babies too much.”

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Lilith March 6, 2010 at 5:57 pm

What??! Next thing you’ll tell hour husband’s name isn’t really husbandrinka? I feel betrayed!

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thecheckoutgirl
Twitter:
March 5, 2010 at 8:23 pm

Okay, don’t judge me, but did you see The Office last night? The writing was so right on about giving birth/parenting and I have to give it to them for properly conveying the “holy fuck I have no idea what I am doing pleasepleaseplease rethink giving me a baby” thing. Which we ALL have. Like religion, none of us will know who is right until it’s all over so I think it’s time we started doing more supporting and less judging.

Also, some mommybloggers are mean girls. There, I said it.

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Marinka March 5, 2010 at 8:24 pm

Great. Thanks for spoiling The Office for me. I was saving it for the weekend, the one bright spot in this drudgery of housework, which I don’t do, but don’t think that I don’t experience tremendous guilt about it, or would, if I had human feelings.

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frogmama March 5, 2010 at 8:32 pm

The whole uptight mommy blogging community can kiss my ass. Everyone needs to relax.

The Yellow Wallpaper is a fabulous story; its author actually lived close to Mulletville. Not that I ride other people’s laurels.

P.S. What is this “one site in particular”?

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PrincessJenn March 5, 2010 at 8:38 pm

I’ve already come to terms with the fact that my daughter will need a therapy fund, not a college fund. I’m surprisingly OK with that.

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Marinka March 5, 2010 at 8:44 pm

Well, you know what they say! “An unexamined life is not worth living!” Goodness, I hope it wasn’t Moussolini who said that!

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Stimey
Twitter:
March 5, 2010 at 8:57 pm

You know what? YES. Because if all we do here on our “mommyblogs” is tell people how perfect we are and how perfect our children are, I think that will just make everyone looking for truth feel bad about themselves.

I think that when my kids read what I’ve written that they will be grateful to have not only an honest record of themselves and their little lives, but a real picture of their mother as a whole person. And I think that is so important.

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SoccerMOM March 5, 2010 at 9:16 pm

I must not be a uptight mom, cause I don’t have a problem sharing what a pain in the ass my kids can be sometimes. I don’t care what other ppl think, cause I already know I’m doing a good job at raising them. It’s called trail and error.

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Keyona
Twitter:
March 5, 2010 at 9:19 pm

My child can get on my damn nerves and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I do my daughters real first name but feel safe that nothing will come out of it. Only about 5 people read the shit anywayz.

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Kirsten March 5, 2010 at 9:19 pm

Hooray for drug trafficking! Also? I love this post.

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Lisa Rae @ smacksy March 5, 2010 at 9:39 pm

Yes and yes and I am positive that God loves you extra for referencing Yellow Wallpaper.

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Issa
Twitter:
March 5, 2010 at 10:57 pm

I’m with Mr. Lady. I am careful what I say about my kids. However, I also don’t pretend it’s all bubble blowing and crap all day.

I called you the funniest blogger in my post today. I’m expecting that payment we talked about. 😉 Truly though, this is why. Because you crack me up.

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ladyday March 5, 2010 at 10:58 pm

Pffft! My kids don’t need to Google shit. I’ve been taking a Just Me Alone Without my Kids (or husband) week-long vacation to NYC since my girls were 8 & 11. They know that all good Mommies need a break. And they will someday go into Motherhood aware and not all starry eyed and clueless. They know I love them and won’t be in therapy because of that other little nugget of truth. They might end up there for other things, but it won’t be because of that.

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ladyday March 5, 2010 at 10:58 pm

P.S. kudos on the Yellow Wallpaper ref.

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Gretchen March 6, 2010 at 1:26 am

Good for you for keeping your priorities straight re: drug trafficking. I’ve been blogging so much lately that the prostitution ring I run is really suffering.

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Marinka March 6, 2010 at 7:16 am

Good call picking a “victimless crime”!

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traci March 6, 2010 at 7:51 am

Just what I was looking for on a Saturday morning-a good lynch mob to join. Careful, Marinka, I think you are toeing the line of controversy. You know it pisses mommy bloggers off when one of their own is a drug trafficker.

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Pamela Asher March 6, 2010 at 8:18 am

Oh this fucking these mommies, “Oh I might be hurting my babies down the road.” Get your selves into reality for gods sake, I had 4 youngest it now 37, so I never had a chance to blog, but we all bitched in our own way and would loved to have walked out and gone for drink anytime, so get honest and cut the crap; thank god for the Marinka’s of the net. Love you girl

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Sophie March 6, 2010 at 8:35 am

Hey, your kids are going to blame you for their lives, whatever you do. And anyway, mommyblogs are only interesting if real mommy hardships are told in them, preferably hardships that make *me* look like a better mommy in my own eyes.

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lisa March 6, 2010 at 8:50 am

I plan on having all my kid posts bound into a child rearing manual. So, they won’t have to hassel with the Google thing. It’ll make a great Bar Mitzvah gift.

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Slow Panic
Twitter:
March 6, 2010 at 12:26 pm

My kids are already fully aware of the fact that I need them to go to sleep so I can have a drink and watch Project Runway/Chopped/generic detective show. So there to them — google 3.0 away all they want when they grow up.

Same thing bugs me about bloggers who glorify there marriages/partners. Come ON! No relationship/person is that damn perfect.

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Old School/New School Mom
Twitter:
March 6, 2010 at 2:26 pm

What’s the point of writing if a person cannot express how they feel? Sugar coating one’s true feelings or censoring them leads to repression which leads unhappiness.

As mothers we experience an array of emotions with regard to our children. Not every day is a “good” one. But in order to remain emotionally stable, we must admit when we’ve had a terrible day. We can write about a tantrum, an uncomfortable exchange with our kids. We are human after all.

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Kate Coveny Hood
Twitter:
March 6, 2010 at 3:08 pm

I agree. Sometimes the backlash is a little too militant. I understand the point – not wanting to humiliate our children for our own gain. But honestly, my kids have no qualms about humiliating me at the mall, so quid pro quo I say! But seriously – even a point well made can be taken to an extreme and berating women for being honest about finding motherhood difficult is too much.

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anna see March 6, 2010 at 3:45 pm

picturing the smooch around the wall i’m making yellow wallpaper style…

great post! a absolutely agree!

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Aunt Becky
Twitter:
March 6, 2010 at 4:11 pm

Wow. And here I was, using my children for white slavery and people are mad that I sometimes TALK about my kids. Hm. Who knew? Guess I should unchain them now.

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Jeanie March 6, 2010 at 4:16 pm

How right you are! I had the audacity to write about parents who do absolutely nothing while their child beats the crap out of another innocent toddler and I caught quite a bit of flack over it from many mom’s I know. Actually, I lost quite a few mom friends over it. I am still reeling from the fact that none of them are bothered by another person’s child beating and bruising their kid. One day they will though. I fully believe in Karma.
Peace.

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Coco
Twitter:
March 6, 2010 at 7:30 pm

The actual quote is “An unexamined life is not worth living.” by Socrates I like that quote. Never heard it before. Thank you Marinka. Learn something new every day.

And you know what…. Embarassing your children, especially once they are teenagers, is one of the great joys in the life of parenting. It pays them back for all the times they have embarassed us.

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Stefanie
Twitter:
March 6, 2010 at 11:42 pm

And, as always, you are the funniest person on the Internet. No offense to my children who are all HILARIOUS. But I’ll save how perfect and awesome they are for a blog post where I use their real names. Then I’ll blog about what assholes they really are using just the comment sections of other people’s blogs. Genius plan I know. You’re welcome.

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Domestic Extraordinaire March 7, 2010 at 6:51 pm

I am glad that drug trafficking isn’t so awesome that you would just give up Blogging because you found a new hobby, sort of like what I did when I learned to knit. I was all screw this cross stitch crap, knitting is da bomb!

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Mary @ Holy Mackerel
Twitter:
March 8, 2010 at 2:26 pm

You are SO right. I know of which site you speak, and it boggles my mind.

It is often through sites like yours (and so many many other wonderful ones) where moms out there who feel they are the only ones, and feel so alone, can discover that they aren’t all alone, and that life does get better, etc. etc. Thank god for our blogs!

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Crys March 8, 2010 at 4:04 pm

Bravo! Drug trafficking, huh…I’ve been making my daughter go clean other people’s houses and make her give me all the money. What? I love the fact that my children have read the posts about themselves, and then argue with me about what did and didn’t happen. I told my children a LONG time ago “My one moment of true happiness comes when I embarrass the holy crap out of you in the middle of a store, in front of your friends, on your college application video and even in your wedding video. My embarrassing you is my JOB…the president will take away my parent seal if I DON’T embarrass you”…so my blog – anyone who doesn’t like that I use my kids first names and that I tell REALLY horrifyingly embarrassing stories about them…those people? They can SUCK IT!

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Helena
Twitter:
March 8, 2010 at 9:50 pm

I love the honesty of blogging. Hearing only the good about people doesn’t give a clear picture. My husband is amazing. But he’s also irritating. And kind. And insensitive. And so much more. If I only told one side, it would be a cheap and shallow image I portrayed.

I like hearing it all, the good and the bad and the frustrating and the heart-melting. Because that’s what life is about.

Reply

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