I am happy to present a very special edition of I’m Right, You’re Wrong, where you get to weigh in on a poignant dispute between me and a loved one.
Scene: Sunday night at Marinka’s home, a scene of domestic bliss and tranquility.
Cast of characters: Marinka and Husbandrinka.
* * *
Husbandrinka: Woe is me, I am sick.
Marinka: What is wrong, please tell me. Forsooth.
Husbandrinka: You’re using “forsooth” wrong. And I appear to have a fever. For I am shivering.
Marinka: Pray, put on a sweater and take some Tylenol.
Husbandrinka: That is sage advice and I will follow it anon.
A few minutes later.
Marinka: Please tell me how you are feeling.
Husbandrinka: I am sick. And I am cold.
Marinka: Thou speaketh an untruth! For how can thou be cold when thou weareths a huge sweater?
Husbandrinka: My extremities are cold.
Marinka: Your what?
Husbandrinka: My extremities.
Marinka: Normal people do not say “extremities”. It sounds like you are writing your own autopsy report.
Husbandrinka: ::drifts off to sleep::
Scene: Lunch at Saks next day with dear friend Susan.
Marinka:…and then he said “my extremities are cold.” Can you believe it? How I live with that man, I’ll never know, ha ha!
Susan: What’s wrong with that?
Marinka: What’s wrong with what? Extremities? Normal people don’t say “extremities”.
Susan: We say it in my family.
Marinka: You do not say it in your family. Ok, on what occasion do you say “extremities” in your family?
Susan: Like when something’s cold. An extremity, for example.
Marinka: Just say “hands and feet”.
Susan: What about calves?
Marinka: CALVES ARE NOT EXTREMETIES. OMG, are you in a conspiracy with Husbandrinka to make me insane? Are you? JUST ADMIT IT, SUSAN! Extremeties. I’ve never heard of such a thing.
Which brings us to this week’s I’m Right, You’re Wrong.
Dilemma: Do normal people use the word “extremities” to refer to their hands and feet?
Disagreers: Husbandrinka and Susan, co-conspirators vs. Marinka
Position One: “Extremities” is normal word and quicker to say than “hands and feet”.
Position Two: Only people on medical/crime dramas and Farrah Fawcett movies should say “extremities”.
What do you think?