Inevitable

by Marinka on March 11, 2013

I knew that it was inevitable, but I didn’t think it would happen in a room full of people.

Yesterday afternoon I attended my first rehearsal for Listen to Your Mother and to start we had to go around the room and introduce ourselves. Whenever I hear anything along the lines of “let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves” I want to leave the room instead because the pressure to sum myself up in a few sentences is too great. But I’m an adult now and I know that introductions are what normal people do, so I don’t leave the room, nor do I start thinking about what I’m going to say when it’s my turn. Instead I listen to what people are saying about themselves and I laugh and sometimes not laugh because they have interesting, compelling stories and I feel lucky to share whatever space they let me with them and trust that when it’s my turn, somehow I’ll be able to wing it.

And I do. I say my name, that I am a humor writer and that my blog is Motherhood in NYC, which is ironic because my children do not want me to blog about them, so I’m facing a dilemma.

This isn’t new, of course, my daughter has asked me, told me, cease and desisted me not to write about her anymore. My son followed suit, and although he’s younger, and I feel more proprietary about his stories, I want to respect his wishes too. What’s new, what surprised me, is that it just came out, that I said it out loud and that my blog world didn’t stop spinning.

I still have this space and I can’t imagine giving it up anytime soon.

I have many stories to tell– it’s almost spring, so I’m once again trying to get healthy and lose weight (I even joined a private Facebook weight loss challenge group where I have to photograph myself on the scale every week, OMG); I suspect I’m drinking too much, I’m getting closer to 50 than 40, I’m reading more than ever and am convinced that every modern American novel describes a woman as “beautiful” somewhere within its pages. But I’m struggling a little to find a way to make it work. And I am mourning the stories that I can no longer tell.

I hope I find a way. Because yes, I consider myself a humor blogger, but there’s a tiny piece of me that answers to “mom blogger” as well. And I’m not sure what to do with that piece now.

One year ago ...

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{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }

Tasha
Twitter:
March 11, 2013 at 8:15 am

I was getting along just fine blogging about my children until some idiot family member said, “I read that hilarious story about when you pooped your pants on your Mom’s blog!” Way to kill my blogging career, idiot. Don’t people know NOT to discuss the embarrassing details shared among parents? My boys are still young but I’m finding myself already needing to scale back! Oh well. Enjoy it while it lasts, I guess!

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The mama bird diaries
Twitter:
March 11, 2013 at 10:02 am

I know I will face this soon and my blog isn’t anonymous. Why do your kids care if you don’t use their names and it’s anonymous? I guess they still want privacy?

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tracy@sellabitmum March 11, 2013 at 10:10 am

My 10 year old ‘lets’ me blog about her – but she has full editing authority before I publish. My 8 year old is too busy chasing unicorns to even know that I have a blog. My 3 year old will hopefully provide blog fodder for years to come. Now I’m wondering if it’s too late to have another baby at 44 as OMG what will I blog about.

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Wendi
Twitter:
March 11, 2013 at 10:14 am

Why do you think I rely on cats and Manilow?

But I’ll read anything you write.

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Brian
Twitter:
March 11, 2013 at 10:39 am

I am struggling with this issue a lot. My oldest daughter is old enough to google herself, which is worrisome, but not nearly as worrisome as the fact that her schoolmates are old enough to google her. Things I wrote about her as a parent blogging to other parents could be really unpleasant in the hands of a bunch of middle schoolers. And middle schoolers don’t exactly need help being unpleasant.

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Jennifer March 11, 2013 at 11:54 am

I am coming out of lurkdom to tell you how much I respect and admire your desire to honor and protect your kids privacy. I also have teenagers and some of the mom bloggers make me cringe with some of their stories of their kids. Yes, they are funny, and yes the kids are too young to give consent so they are the mom’s stories as well. But as much as we try to teach our children to respect those around us and what goes on the web for the world to see, I think some mom’s don’t honor that same respect with their kids. You are funny. And I enjoy the stories about the kids because I can so relate. But I have faith that you will start to discover humor in life that is not just about the kids. They lob us the easy laughs. Now you have to find yourself a little more and find humor elsewhere. You can do it. And I will be here reading!

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Peajaye
Twitter:
March 11, 2013 at 12:19 pm

At the risk of sounding like a Birkenstock-wearing feminist, I’m wondering if this “omerta” that children impose upon their mothers is responsible for some of the suppression of women’s voices throughout the ages. I mean, yes, I understand why kids want their privacy and not have their embarrassing moments broadcasted to the world, but at the same time, these stories also belong to their mothers as well, no? Haven’t the mothers sacrificed enough in the service of their children and families, they now have to keep quiet about it as well? I know it’s a high wire that all “mommy-bloggers” – and really all mothers – walk, but I don’t know – something about this saddens me. Maybe mothers can start insisting their kids stop all their public whining about how their mothers ruined their lives? IDK.

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suburbancorrespondent
Twitter:
March 11, 2013 at 1:19 pm

I think it all lies in the slant of the story – is it really about the kid, or about the mother’s experience of the kid? I might write about what my teens are doing, but not in a “Aren’t they special?” sort of way. It’s more about me and my reactions to where I/they are in life. I don’t publish it unless I can picture my teen reading it and laughing.

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suburbancorrespondent
Twitter:
March 11, 2013 at 1:27 pm

Actually, I don’t know. Don’t listen to me. I’m thinking I HAVE made fun of my oldest teen daughter, but more in a “Gah, aren’t we parents just gobsmacked by this teen thing” way. So really, I’m making fun of myself. It’s a very fine line, though.

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deb March 11, 2013 at 2:19 pm

i’m with peajaye and suburban correspondent – blogging finally really gave a big voice to moms. If kids object, that’s something to be worked out in the family, but I don’t like the backlash against blogging moms by other women- it feels like silencing. I craved the kind of community that exists for mothers on line now. I didn’t have anything like that when i was a young mother. If our stories are tied to someone else, then we can’t tell them? ALL stories are tied to someone else. And yes, it’s all about the tone. I wonder if your kids would approve your blogging about them if they got to read the posts first? Then they’d feel they have some autonomy in it. Or maybe let them write responses? I too have teens (15 and 12). When I write about them, I just make sure it’s something i could imagine their friends reading without horrifying them. In fact, I’m also reading at LTYM (in DC) this year. My piece is about my son, but it’s not. It’s about me. When I discussed it with him, he just said, “cool.”

Don’t stop writing about your kids privately! Once they’re not teens anymore, they’ll think your writing is hilarious (as long as you’re not sharing anything too personal, which I never think you do). By then you’ll have a whole book of unpublished writing, ripe for the presses! (and they’ll have a cool journal of events they’ll hvae long forgotten).

and i’ll keep coming back, kids or no!

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manycoloured March 11, 2013 at 3:22 pm

You’re still my favourite blogger ever so don’t you stop!

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Neil
Twitter:
March 11, 2013 at 8:47 pm

F*ck the kids. You paid for their school and piano lessons. They can give you a few blog posts. O

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Jen Anderson
Twitter:
March 11, 2013 at 10:56 pm

Respecting kids’ privacy is such a fucking drag. My blog isn’t anonymous, and when we tried to adopt a kid from the foster system, I was legally required to protect her privacy. To the extent that I wasn’t supposed to discuss her background with my extended family. Talk about having to suffer in silence–I couldn’t avoid telling my own mom about the kid’s tantrums and rages, but had held back the background info, so she didn’t know where it was coming from, so of course my mom thought I was crazy to keep this lunatic kid.

As for the blog, I had to walk a fine line. I did blog about how we went clothes shopping and she thought that any pants that weren’t skin tight on her ankles were too big (god help me). But the announcement that she’d moved out was the first indication any of our real life friends got that anything was wrong.

But going into it, I adopted a policy that if something happened to all of us, like we all went to the zoo, then tough shit kid, I went to the zoo and can write about it.

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Charlotte March 11, 2013 at 11:35 pm

Is it just me, or is the answer obvious? Have some more kids!

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christy March 12, 2013 at 6:29 am

You know I love your humor posts, but I think I love your memoir stories just as much, if not more. You’ll find your place again, I’m sure. You HAVE to! You write one of my favorite blogs! xo

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Abby March 12, 2013 at 9:37 am

The good news for you is that you could blog about taking out the trash and it’d still be delightful. You might feel a bit unmoored, but the rest of us know your next great post is right at your fingertips.

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annie March 12, 2013 at 9:43 am

I’ll be here regardless of what you write! Unless I move to Indiana….do they have the internet in Indiana?

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Ann
Twitter:
March 12, 2013 at 9:47 am

Right there with you.

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Rhonda Sparks March 12, 2013 at 9:49 am

Has something happened that has made the kids feel invaded or uncomfortable or is this just their young minds feeling ’embarrassed’? Do they know you write anonymously? In the end, I can almost guarantee they will appreciate being able to read through their childhood memories via your blog … What a gift to give a child! But of course that perspective will only arrive with maturity, which goes back to my initial point … They aren’t old enough to get that this is all good for them! Problem solved.

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Alexandra March 12, 2013 at 9:58 am

You made me laugh at a time when I thought I’d never hear myself do that again.

For that, I will follow you anywhere.

I’m like that.

I will never forget someone who saved my life.

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Alexandra March 12, 2013 at 10:01 am

There’s also this reason: “But I’m an adult now and I know that introductions are what normal people do, so I don’t leave the room.”

I like people who are inside my brain.
xo

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Amanda March 12, 2013 at 10:05 am

Don’t the different aspects of us always shift, sometimes we are professionals, sometimes we are defined as spouses, other times we are klutzes…

I look forward to witnessing how you work through this. From what I’ve seen, your humor is not penned into any one area, your wit is in your take on humanity. And now I am singing Take ooooon meee, take on me.

You are going to be, already are, amazing.

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joeinvegas March 12, 2013 at 10:14 am

You’ll just have to write more about your mother.

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MommyTime
Twitter:
March 12, 2013 at 1:07 pm

I will read whatever you write no matter what it is. One of the things I find myself doing on my academic blog, when I feel like I MUST get other people’s perspectives on a particular incident involving a student, is focus the post instead on the issue as a teaching dilemma–with enough identifying information left out that even the student her/himself wouldn’t know the post about “about” her/him. You can probably do the same for some things: parenting dilemmas are yours. A “how would you navigate the rocky road of middle-school-sock-hop-gossip” post is obviously not going to be able just anyone’s kid, but might be general enough not to be embarrassing. But I agree that giving them some topic-refusal power is a good idea.

Also, I really am interested in what you have to say about the middle-school sock-hop, so could you get on that, please? Thanks.

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Loukia March 12, 2013 at 2:12 pm

You know, when I read your blog I never read it as a parenting or a mom blog… it’s just the funniest blog I read, and I love all your posts. Your stories, your lack of stories about your kids, your relationship with your other family members, anxieties, etc.
I too am no longer writing about my kids, really. Just very briefly… like, we had a great vacation! They play nicely together! I love my kids! Motherhood is tough! But as far as personal stories go? NO. I just cannot bring myself to do that. They’re so precious to me I just can’t write about them for the world to read. It’s too, too special to me. And trust me I have stories to tell. Just not on my blog anymore. You’re still a mother in NYC, even if you’re not writing stuff about your kids or being a mom, you know?
xoxo

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Nina March 13, 2013 at 12:10 am

It will be an entirely new era of writing subjects for many of us! Kind of exciting in a way, too.

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suburbancorrespondent
Twitter:
March 13, 2013 at 8:44 am

And spouses are still fair game, right?

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Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac
Twitter:
March 13, 2013 at 8:53 am

I hear ya. I wish I could go with Michael Lewis’ approach, which is something like… “If you don’t want me to write about the crazy things you do, don’t do them!”

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Mamaintheburbs March 14, 2013 at 3:03 am

I’ve been a silent reader for many years. Whatever way you decide to go with this blog I will certainly follow. Through the years you have made me smile and laugh when I thought the world was coming apart all around me. Thank you for your candid stories. We will always have them!

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Roshni March 15, 2013 at 12:36 am

Ha! The whole point of my starting my blog was to keep a journal about how funny, cute, insane and awesome my kids are!! And, it’s anonymous! So, they could not possibly have any problem with that, right?!!!! *gulp*

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Lady Jennie March 15, 2013 at 12:00 pm

You’re too complex for one or the other. You’re humor, but you’re also deep. You’re mom, but you’re also more than that. You’re American, but you’re also ESL .. (I’m teasing). It’s okay to not fit perfectly in one mold. It might be a little boring if you do.

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anymommy March 15, 2013 at 10:45 pm

Eeeeeee!! How did I miss the announcement that you are in LTYM NYC?! I’ve been under a rock in Portugal. That’s my defense. Congratulations. How exactly is that going to work with the whole anonymous thing 🙂 No friends at the show? Their loss.

Writing material will work itself out. You’ll find a balance. I can’t think of any writer that I respect for their thoughtfulness and balance more than you.

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