I’ve been teaching my daughter about internet safety. So far, it’s not going well. Mostly because I want to impart that everyone online is an insane pervert (except you, of course, although you should probably get your hand out of your pants) but I don’t want to scare her. So you can see what I’m dealing with here.
I’ve told her to never, ever give her real name, address, phone number or gender online, so if you’re seeing an 80 year old man online who voted for American Idol Kris 36 times because he is supercute and really wants an Apple laptop, that’s probably my daughter. I told her to never ever make plans to meet anyone she met online. And then I went out to have drinks with someone I met online. Of course, I was reluctant to tell her that.
“Where are you going?”
“To have drinks.”
“With who?”
“A friend.”
“What’s her name?”
“Mommy’s Martini.”
“Your what?”
“Oh no, I’m meeting Mommy’s Martini.”
“That’s her name?”
“Yes. Well, that’s her blog name.”
“Have you ever met her before?”
“Only online! Bye! Hopefully I’ll come back non-dismembered! Love you!”
So, the other day, my daughter was registering an online account with a popular website. I hovered.
“You’re not using your real name, right?” I asked.
“Nope!” she reassured me. “I’m Tiffani.”
“That’s…pretti,” I told her, “and not your real age, either, right?”
“Of course not!” she told me, “I registered as 18!”
Er…
Yes, I am available to consult on online safety for your family. I’m pretty sure that I can make a living doing it.
By the way, Mommy’s Martini is lovely and totally didn’t try to dismember me.