by Marinka on September 13, 2010

I try. I try to write honest posts that accurately reflect what’s going on in my life.

But I also try to shield you, to protect you from the harsher facts. Because you have your own problems and I assume that you don’t need to take on the weight of mine. It’s a delicate balance, but I do it for you. Except I have to unburden myself now.

Because on Saturday I woke up and realized that our internet service wasn’t working. This was a fine how do you do welcome to the weekend. I took a deep breath, rebooted the computer and then sighed. It did not work. Also, I don’t know what the difference between taking a deep breath and sighing is and why doctors don’t say “please sigh” when they’re listening to your chest with a stethoscope.

I had to call Time Warner Cable, my internet service provider. (I mean they provide internet service to others, too, I don’t mean to imply that they’re my personal internet provider.)

I’ll fast-forward through the parts where they tried to “diagnose” the problem and broke the news to me that I didn’t have internet access. Although I assumed that the National Guard would descend and whisk me to safety, Time Warner told me that they’d schedule an appointment for someone to come to look at my problem. Hopefully someone who knows how to fix it.

“I’d like that appointment today,” I said, explaining that I ran an internet-based business from home and could not be off-line for a second longer, implying heavily that my internet-based-business was instrumental in ensuring the safety of minority homosexual underage orphans with Basset Hound eyes.

Unfortunately, my internet server provider facilitator told me that instead of today, the repair person would come nine days.

“That is unacceptable,” I protested. Personally I don’t understand what the point of having a Constitution if things like this are allowed to happen. I really don’t think that this is what our Founding Father Al Gore had in mind.

The Time Warner apologist apologized, and explained that this was a particularly busy time for them, what with school starting and everything. I have no idea what that means or why my fake internet based business from home should have to suffer because school is starting.

“How’s 11 to 2?” she asked, confirming the a-week-from-Monday appointment.

The problem was that 11 to 2 is in the middle of the day and I don’t actually work from home (although that’s totally not my fault). The other problem remained that I would not have internet for a very long time.

I’m not happy about any of this. You’d think that Time Warner would put me up in a Wi Fi’d hotel while this issue was straightened out, but they haven’t said anything. Maybe they’re going to surprise me with it.

Please, if you’re reading this online, don’t take your internet for granted. Give it a hug. Because you never know when that connection will be interrupted.

(Oh, if you’re wondering how I’m able to post, it’s because Husbandrinka, tired of my moaning and gnashing of teeth went out to get an air card for me to use. This is why we don’t kill him in his sleep, by the way.)

One year ago ...

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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

September 13, 2010 at 7:16 am

Oh I have been there. You are handling it well. I did the exorcist dance (you know…head spinning, spewing green shit). I get a little unwound with no internet. It is like being cut off from the world. I too had to get an air card. Thank goodness for 30 day trials. Mine was out for two whole weeks. How uncivilized.


Maria @ Mom et al
September 13, 2010 at 8:43 am

Nine days???? That almost makes me forgive Comcast for their high level of suckage. Almost. FIOS rules!


September 13, 2010 at 9:03 am

Fios, Verizon Fios. I love them.


traci September 13, 2010 at 9:04 am

Diamonds are no longer the way to a womans heart. This I know, my friend.


the mama bird diaries
September 13, 2010 at 9:20 am

So you have an air card. So you have access to the internet. So how are you suffering?


Marinka September 13, 2010 at 9:39 am

First of all, I spent an entire day without internet. So, suffering. Second of all, the air card is on loan. And when the rightful owner realizes that it’s missing, er..I mean, needs it, it will be “called home”. So I have to live with that Sword of Damocles hanging over my head.
Third of all, I have to deal with insensitive comments mocking my internet loss. I hope you never have to go through what I did.


Susan @ DreamSakes September 13, 2010 at 9:23 am

I’ve had to camp out at Panera before for soup, bagels and wifi. I gained a couple pounds, but it was worth it. Hang in there! We’re all pulling for you.


TwoBusy September 13, 2010 at 9:24 am

Not killing him in his sleep was a calculated risk. Glad to see it paid off for you.


annie September 13, 2010 at 12:09 pm

Well thank the powers that be for Husbandrinka and his contraband air card access!! And by powers that be I don’t mean soap writers. Geez!


christy September 13, 2010 at 1:08 pm

One of my favorite things about your posts is that I can actually HEAR you reading them in my head – they’re so authentic to your own voice. As usual, you left me in hysterics. Gracias.


September 13, 2010 at 1:11 pm

We get internet “free” as part of our rent. Which is nice. Until it goes out and you realize that you can not call the internet company and yell at them about your lack of service because you are not technically on the bill.

Three days later……

Not a pretty picture.

yay for husbands who “borrow” air cards!


September 13, 2010 at 1:45 pm

Nine days seems a bit insane. Not what “our Founding Father Al Gore had in mind”, I am sure. LMAO.

11-2 is a nice time. I like that. I have Comcast. Last time i needed service they told me my window was between 10am and 7pm. Really. They told me that. Then again, they came out after two days too.


September 13, 2010 at 2:55 pm

You live in Manhattan, right? Are there no free hotspots near you? If not, you people need to stop wasting time marching for and against that mosque and start laying down some more internet cable. And what about TimeWarner hotspots? Honestly, I think you should look at your contract or call the TW apologist back and ask about the hotspot areas where you can use your TW password to sign on for free. (You have a laptop or a mini, right?) What I find most troubling about this is that I would think Husbandrinka would walk you through these other options, rather than to saddle you with an ultra-slow air card. And where is your gay? I mean, what self-respecting urban gay doesn’t know at least a 1/2 dozen ways to connect to the internet? I find this post extremely troubling, Marinka.


September 13, 2010 at 3:05 pm

OH NOES! you’re melting!


Heather, Queen of Shake Shake September 13, 2010 at 3:06 pm

Is Peajaye in the mafia? How do they know all that stuff about hotspots?!


Marinka September 13, 2010 at 3:08 pm

Heather, I must object. Just because Peajaye in an Italian-American, does not mean that he is in the mafia. And the fact that he is building a strip club near Ground Zero is just a coincidence.


September 13, 2010 at 3:07 pm

.. and in case that comment made NO sense to you, I was implying that you are like a wicked witch, but more awesome, and that having no internet was, like, your kryptonite or something. I’m getting my children’s stories confused. 🙂


September 13, 2010 at 3:28 pm

Don’t get me wrong I’m sure that Husbandrinka is fabulous and all, but this is where a traditional Russian husband would come in handy.

Because he would either be (as immigrant tradition dictates) 1) a doctor who would mend your poor internetless heart 2) a lawyer who would argue with Time Warner for you or 3) best case scenario, a computer programmer who would have already hacked into your neighbor’s network for you.

PS Solution is obvious, yes? Hack into your neighbor’s internet…or their home to use their internet!


Becky September 13, 2010 at 5:01 pm

My stepson downloaded a new update for the xbox 360 last weekend. Supposedly he did it during the unlimited bandwith time frame in the middle of the night. Apparently he missed the unlimited limited window and burned up all our bandwith for 24 hours. I woke up at 5:30 to no internet. All. Freakin. Day. Long.
So while he was upstairs in his bedroom happily playing his newly downloaded updated game, I was downstairs fuming and plotting how to kill the poor boy without pissing off his father.
The reason he’s still alive? He told me I am the Best Stepmom in the world.

suck up.


September 13, 2010 at 5:34 pm

We were recently without Internet for a few days and they were dark, dark days. My lovely husband shared his mifi card with me, but it just wasn’t the same. No, I don’t know why not, it just wasn’t.

I feel your pain and hope that you have identified some coping techniques. In my experience, wine and spa treatments are a great starting point.

Wishing you sanity until Monday.


A Mom on Spin September 13, 2010 at 6:47 pm

I am deeply sorry for your loss, Marinka.

Maybe you could post it on Aunt Becky’s new blog? That way we could band together, you know. . . create a support group. . .that kind of thing. . .


September 13, 2010 at 10:03 pm

We lost power in my neighborhood last week for the night…people did not know what to do with themselves…including me, so I went fishing while everyone else screamed at Con Edison.


Lisa Rae @ smacksy September 13, 2010 at 10:22 pm


High five.


September 14, 2010 at 12:40 am

Two years living in India with intermittent internet. Just shoot me. And no sh*t, I used the exact same line with the not-so-customer service people … I needed the internet for my business in the States. Oddly enough nobody gave a cr*p that the girl with the funny accent needed help. Or internet – my only connection to the world.


September 14, 2010 at 8:46 am

I now feel so unbelievably burdened by your problems that I can hardly hold up my own. Thankyouverymuch. And yet, I have to. That Tinkerbell costume isn’t going to make itself, you know.


dusty earth mother September 14, 2010 at 9:07 am

Nine days. I believe we in the religious world call that “eternity”. I am sending you love and good vibes over your air card. And I will now be thinking about minority homosexual underage orphans with Basset Hound eyes the rest of the day.


Baby Pickel
September 14, 2010 at 9:38 am

Air card…wooooo! 😀


Nadine September 14, 2010 at 11:53 pm

Yuliya isn’t your neighbor is she? If so, watch your aircard (and perhaps Nikki too, you never know)


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