Just once I’d like to be married to someone who gets me.
Husbandrinka and I went to a party in DC over the weekend and we were staying with my college friend Kristin and her husband and daughter and in preparation for our staying with them, Huabandrinka sent me many emails and in each one he spelled Kristin’s name with an “eâ€.
At first I didn’t say anything because I figured how many times is he going to write her name, but apparently the answer was a A LOT because after the fifth email of KRISTEN this and KRISTEN that, the vein in my forehead was throbbing as loudly as Marisa Tomei’s biological clock was ticking in My Cousin Vinny. But unlike Marisa, I suspected that there’d be no Oscar in my future for putting up with it.
“You know, Kristin’s name is spelled with an I,†I told him.
“Yes, of course I know,†he said. And then looked at me as though I were the weirdo in the conversation.
“Then why have you been spelling it with an E?â€
“Because that’s how Kristen is spelled.â€
“No.â€
“KRISTEN.â€
“No, with an i—oh, I see. With two I’s.â€
“I didn’t know that. Usually Kristen is spelled with an e.â€
“I wish you’d remember that her name is spelled with an i. I’m under a lot of pressure this holiday season and I can’t deal with your spelling her name with an E.â€
He looked at me as though I were something less than reasonable . And then, probably to spite me, never wrote her name again.
“Hey, you know what?†I decided to add some fun to our relationship. “When you see Kristin, can you do me a favor and not mention the trip she and I took to Sedona last month?â€
See, my plan was that he would say “why not?†a perfectly reasonable question, since I talked about my long weekend with my girlfriends so much and I’d say, “no reason†and be all mysterious and he’d suspect that instead of going with my girlfriends to Sedona I’d really gone some place else with a secret lover.
And then he’d accuse me and just as he was about to dismember me in a jealous rage, I’d say, “haha, just kidding! I really was with Kristin! Go ahead, ask her!†and we’d all have a fun laugh and he’d feel bad for not trusting me.
But instead of saying “why not?†like a normal person, when I asked Husbandrinka not to mention Sedona to Kristin, he said “ok.â€
OK?
Why would he be ok with something so suspicious?!
Answer: To deny me happiness.
There is no other explanation.
________________________
Thank you very much to Babble (pronounced BabbEL, to rhyme with NOBEL) for including me in their list of The Top 100 Mom Blogs of 2011. I’m number 96! I’m honored and humbled (and yet very braggy) to be included among such amazing writers. I’m glad that not everyone is out to deny me happiness and joy!
One year ago ...
- Phone Fun - 2013
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: mommyshorts
December 19, 2011 at 1:14 am
You should get married to Babble. I bet they would be totally suspicious if you told them not to mention your Sedona trip. Plus, I’m sure they have spell-checkers.
Ahh, that’s just plain MEAN!
Bloody men.
God, husbands can be so insensitive sometimes.
Twitter: Peajaye
December 19, 2011 at 10:29 am
OMG, Marinka, clearly Husbandrinka is having an affair with Kristin, and he’s “gaslighting” you with his misspellings and his affected disinterest. If you read more romance/crime and less “literature,” you’d be up on these things.
Men. Thank goodness Babble gets you.
Why should he be suspicious about your trip to Sedona? (Or did you rally go somewhere else with the guys?)
I think you rendez-voused with Babble in Sedona. Is “rendez-voused” a word?
Congrats!
…On the Babble thing not on your husband’s clear deficiency in spelling. Maybe he needs a tutor?
Twitter: peaceloveguac
December 19, 2011 at 3:42 pm
Humbled yet braggy makes for a delicious happiness cocktail. Drink it up and don’t share with that husband of yours. Congrats!
Twitter: byrnealaina
December 19, 2011 at 9:23 pm
husbands. ugh. they say you can’t live with them, can’t shoot them, but i think both are entirely possible.
As a Kristin whose name is constantly misspelled as “Kristen” (or any other way you can possibly misspell it), I thank you for this public service announcement.
Oh man. This was hilarious! I’ve missed reading your blog. Stupid work s d their demands that allow me next to no time on the Internet for fun lately! And once I get home, kids, cook, clean, repeat. Sorry, I’m complaining. This post was brilliantly funny. I love you! And congrats on Babble. Whatever, 96. You are in MY top five, always. Oh, and I was 101! Heh. 😉
Twitter: sellabitmum
December 20, 2011 at 7:07 am
Thank god you don’t know a Kristan. So confused. Also, so happy for you and Babble.
Twitter: AnnaLefler
December 20, 2011 at 10:28 am
Denying others happiness is really what makes the world go ’round – especially at the holidays.
And CONGRATS on the Babble deal! You totally deserve that!!
XOXO
A.
Twitter: TheSuniverse
December 20, 2011 at 6:59 pm
Congratulations on the Babbel/Nobel prize. You are absolutely deserving of it.
I thought that whatever happens in Sedona stays in Sedona.
Twitter: Mamabirddiaries
December 20, 2011 at 9:10 pm
I have a few friends names kristen/kristin and for the love of me can never remember how to spell their names.
he sounds annoying. sheesh.
congrats on your award!