Laundry Shock

by Marinka on March 30, 2010

“Husbandrinka,” I gasp. “Something shocking happened.”
“What?”
“I was in our building’s laundry room, and someone’s clothes were all done in the dryer and because they weren’t there to take them out, I did.” I paused for dramatic effect, which Husbandrinka mistook for the end of the story.
“Wow, are you ok?” he asked.
“As I was saying,” I continued. “I’m taking out the clothes, and it’s all normal things, t-shirts, pants, men’s underwear, women’s underwear.”
“This is good stuff.”

(Parenthetically, Husbandrinka’s attitude is exactly why Snapped is the best show ever. It’s so relatable!)

“So then, I’m going along with the laundry and minding my business, when who do you think appears?”
“A Genie?”
“No, Harvey.”
“Who?”
“Harvey! You know, the old guy downstairs? The old guy whose wife died? And it turns out that the clothes that I took out were his clothes. Question: Why does he have women’s underwear in there? Do you think he’s wearing his dead wife’s underwear?”
“Maybe he has a girlfriend.”
“A girlfriend? His wife just died.”
“She died five years ago. Anyway, why do you care?”
“I care because I saw him with women’s underwear so now he knows that I know and he’ll probably try to eliminate me.”
“What is this, American Idol?”
“Haha. Ha. By the way, you came up with that girlfriend scenario pretty quickly. Nice to know how you’re planning to mourn me once I’m gone.”
“Five years after you’re dead, I’m hoping to date again.”
“I like how you used “you’re dead” and “hope” in the same sentence. Lovely.”
“Besides, older widowers are at a premium. You know how pushy widows can be.”
“You are obviously overcome with grief-to-be and have lost your mind.”
“I’m just saying that maybe Harvey was washing his girlfriend’s underwear.”
“I am not speaking to you anymore.”
“Ok.”
“Except I will say that you have never, not once, did my laundry, and I really resent that you’re going to be doing her laundry.”
“I promise that I won’t.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.”

One year ago ...

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Miss Britt
Twitter:
March 30, 2010 at 9:23 am

I’m pretty sure Jared’s holding out for me to die so that he can find a woman who will wash HIS laundry.

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Crys March 30, 2010 at 9:27 am

HA! What is it with husband’s and them NOT knowing when to just smile and nod? I mean SERIOUSLY?!?!?! My husband is NOT allowed to have his own opinions, much less girlfriends after I die. I CAN NOT let my hubs read this, he’ll think that he’s SUPPOSED to have opinions…Thanks, a LOT Marinka. ;c)~

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alexandra
Twitter:
March 30, 2010 at 9:45 am

HA! Love that, “pre-grief to be”. Perfect conversation, I could follow every single word you said and it all made sense to me.

But,please do let us know what more you found out about Harvey. Now I have to know!!

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MarathonMom March 30, 2010 at 9:49 am

I think Harvey just jumped into top pole position on the blog, knocking Nikki, Husbandrinka and LaDinka on their asses.

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Maureen@IslandRoar March 30, 2010 at 10:51 am

He put her underwear in the DRYER?? Fine washables??
Just like a guy…

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Soccermom March 30, 2010 at 11:24 am

I’m more interested to know what kind of undies were they? Young girl undies or old lady undies? This tid bit of info is very important to the story, and will determine what kind of man “Harvey” is.

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anymommy March 30, 2010 at 11:34 am

Grief-to-be. You absolutely kill me. Awesome.

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barbara sigelbaum
Twitter:
March 30, 2010 at 11:36 am

I’m upset on many levels. First, Harvey is my husband. Not THE Harvey, but still. I’m alive and don’t want to think about him washing other women’s underwear.

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Sophie March 30, 2010 at 3:04 pm

What is this, please? Don’t americans own their own washers and dryers? Do you also wash your dishes and take showers together?

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suburbancorrespondent
Twitter:
March 30, 2010 at 4:29 pm

My husband and I have discussed this and I’ve told him he can date as soon as he likes after my death (in order to numb his unassuageable grief); the only requirement is that whoever he dates can’t be prettier than I was.

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Roshni March 30, 2010 at 4:58 pm

“what is this?American idol?”

Love it!!

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elenka March 30, 2010 at 8:38 pm

‘Maureen’ doesn’t put her undies in the dryer????? What kind of undies does she wear that they can’t go in the dryer??
Yeah, we need to know more about Harvey.

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
March 30, 2010 at 9:31 pm

i always felt weird about taking other people’s laundry out of the basement washing machines. of course i did it anyway.

Reply

fuck yeah, motherhood!
Twitter:
March 30, 2010 at 11:46 pm

I’m tempted to write a craigslist missed connection based on this encounter.

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