Light in August?

by Marinka on July 9, 2008

I am pro-choice and all, but I think that pregnant women should be forced to have a scarlet “P” embroidered on their outer garments, or tattooed on their foreheads-totally up to them. In a pinch, I’d settle for one of those “Baby Inside” t-shirts, with an arrow pointing to the uterus, although it is actually targeting the knees.

Because we have all been victimized by the “When are you due?”/”I’m not pregnant” mortification that for some reason is never followed by a natural disaster. You know, a natural disaster without any fatalities or injuries that nonetheless distracts everyone and makes an awkward conversation that they were enduring a vague memory.

As a result, I will be damned if I ever ask anyone second trimesterish when she is due. My rule is that unless the woman tells me that she is pregnant, I have to see the baby crowning before I acknowledge her pregnancy.

But this plan isn’t fool-proof, either. Because in early March I ran into a neighbor in the elevator–“hey, I haven’t seen you in a while,” I said. “What’s new?”
“Well,” she patted her stomach. “I’m about to have a baby.”
“Oh?” I was in cartoon-like amazement. “I had no idea that you are pregnant.” Apparently, I thought instead that she had a pillow attached to her midsection or that she was a moose. My attempt at complimenting her on the svelteness backfired.

This could have been avoided if she had just worn a “Baby inside” t-shirt. Over her coat. Or maybe an ankle bracelet that announced her pregnancy. Yes, I know that pregnant women’s ankles swell and may even cause the whiners discomfort. But think of the peace of mind that it will offer the rest of us.

One year ago ...

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Kristine July 9, 2008 at 1:35 pm

Perfect. I will add it to my suggestion box of life.

The same one where I think they should be able to come up with seedless lemons so I can drink my tea out of a straw in peace.

And that you should be able to birth a small baby, then stick them in a bowl of water so they hydrate to the normal baby size (like those capsules that have sponges in them.)

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Marinka July 9, 2008 at 2:50 pm

I love the small baby idea, except doesn’t that increase the chance of it being misplaced?!

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anymommy July 9, 2008 at 9:15 pm

What about a tiny crocheted pair of baby booties on a pin? Because I have one stashed away that my MIL gave me when we announced our first pregnancy. To pin on my clothes. So that people would know I had FINALLY done right by her and gotten knocked up. I’m not bitter.

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Marinka July 10, 2008 at 7:08 am

Lol, yes, I suppose tiny booties on a pin could signify pregnancy. Or it could signify that you are going through foot binding. I’m sure you can see the problem.

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anymommy July 10, 2008 at 8:08 am

Okay, you rock the comment game. I think I’m in blog love. Now, I want to get pregnant again so that I can wear those tiny crocheted booties and wait for some poor unsuspecting sap to ask me if I’m pregnant, just so that I can say “oh, what these, no they signify that I’m going through ritual foot binding.”

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Inzaburbs July 11, 2008 at 5:39 am

See how you all dried up the comments? Because with that, nobody can compete.

I must run in the wrong circles, because i don’t think I have ever seen somebody actually wearing one of those “baby inside” t-shirts. I wish an acquaintance of mine would just give in and wear one though – I have been watching her for months, playing the “is she, isn’t she?” game. She gets bigger … and yet still I don’t dare.

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