Literary Genius

by Marinka on June 10, 2013

The other day I had a heart to heart with my husband.

Which I don’t recommend doing with the heartless.

“Hey,” I started. “Isn’t it weird that that even though I’m a literary genius, I don’t yet have an agent or a book deal?”

“I didn’t realize you were a literary genius,” he said. Oh, that man. Of all the things to respond to in my lament that’s the one he chooses?

“Have you heard that I’m not a literary genius?” I became alarmed. What if someone is starting vicious rumors about me? This would certainly explain lack of an agent and a book deal. I’m being robbed in broad daylight.

“I haven’t heard anything about you being a genius at all,” he insisted.

“Oh. Well. Sometimes the husband is the last to know, you know.” I tried to calm down. “Have you heard that I’m a gift to the written word?”

“No.”

The Bard of Our Times?”

“No.”

Pregnant with the Great American Novel?”

“No.”

“Hmm. This is indeed a puzzler. Do you think I don’t have a book deal because the literary community in New York City is antisemitic?”

“I think you don’t have a book deal because you haven’t finished your book.”

“I see. Now it’s my fault. You seem to forget how much I have going on. Between work and the kids and my charity work-”

“Your what?”

“My kids.”

“No the other thing.”

“My charity work?”

“What charity work?”

“You know, the charity work I do.”

“No, I don’t know. What charity work do you do?”

“Do I have to spell it out for you?”

“Please.”

“Fine. I watch The Bachelorette and The Real Housewives of New Jersey, therefor boosting the reality TV show dynamic that keeps our economy afloat.”

“And you think that’s charity work?”

“In a way.”

“It’s kind of amazing that you haven’t been recognized as a humanitarian yet.”

“Oh, I’m much too modest for that kind of thing. I’m no Angelina Jolie, you know.”

“Oh, I know.”

It feels so good to be understood.

One year ago ...

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Susan Weinstein June 10, 2013 at 9:16 am

It is hard to be an Emperor without an Empire. Love this post.

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Bostulla June 10, 2013 at 12:43 pm

Thank you for your sacrifice and service.

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anna see June 10, 2013 at 5:03 pm

You ARE a literary genius!

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Marta
Twitter:
June 11, 2013 at 10:37 am

You just said pregnant with the great american novel — clearly you ARE a literary genius!

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Jane June 11, 2013 at 10:38 am

OMG I never realized how loaded down I am with all my charity work…..
I’ll need to point that out to my husband when he bitches about no space left on the box.

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joeinvegas June 11, 2013 at 12:46 pm

Great charity work, giving to a cause that really needs it.

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Lady Jennie June 11, 2013 at 3:42 pm

Marinka!!! You always make me laugh. 🙂

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Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes June 12, 2013 at 7:21 am

I’m a bit shocked to learn you haven’t a gotten a book deal yet.

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
June 12, 2013 at 9:27 pm

It’s the “writing a book” that’s always stood in my way of getting a book deal.

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tracey June 13, 2013 at 9:34 pm

Every day, I’m amazed you aren’t on bookshelves yet.

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anymommy June 13, 2013 at 10:18 pm

I don’t have anything clever and funny to say. You’ve taken all the clever and funny. I’d say it was selfish, but I get to come and read and laugh.

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Tarja
Twitter:
June 14, 2013 at 1:21 am

This post is why I love you.

“Which I don’t recommend doing with the heartless.”

All hail the bard of our times! (playing fife)

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