Other People

by Marinka on November 30, 2012

I’ve had a fucker of a week. Nothing terrible, knock wood, but just so many trying things. Like not being able to make my schedule work, having to rely on my parents more than usual to help me with things at home while I am doing other things outside of home.

And then the whole Other People thing. Other people can be so taxing. Like my son has a tutor who has been working with him since September. And I’m not sure about the Tutor. Because on the one hand, he’s helping my kid, so that’s great, but on the other hand, whenever he explains to me what they’re doing, I don’t really understand it. And he speaks in English, so it’s not a language barrier, but it’s the kind of explanation where I zone out immediately. It’s filled with paradigm and context and some other wordicles.

So generally speaking they go over some of Young Ladrinka’s homework assignments and discuss essay structure and things like thesis sentence and zzzzzz, but this past week, instead of doing homework, they discussed ways in which Young Ladrinka could do his homework more efficiently.

From what I understand, the Tutor asked Young Ladrinka if he had any distractions when he was doing his homework, because those are apparently not good for homework concentration, and I imagine that Young Ladrinka sighed heavily and confessed that yes, yes, he did have a few distractions, thank goodness someone noticed and the Tutor probably leaned in and said “you can tell me.”

And Young Ladrinka did. Because the thing that has been standing between him and a Rhodes Scholarship is, ready? The fact that his mother yells at people all the time and it’s really distracting. WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT?

So first of all, this is pure and unadulterated bullshit and a defamatory lie. My people are drafting papers against Young Ladrinka as I type. Second of all, how does that work, exactly? Am I yelling at people who are inside the apartment, which at the most is my daughter and Husbandrinka, or am I leaning out the 11th floor window, yelling at passersby like a loon? (By the way I’m using loon here as short for lunatic, not to refer to birds, who may or may not yell at passersby.)

And what does the Tutor do with this information? Instead of saying “honor thy mother, fool!” he probably nods sympathetically and suggests, ready for this? He suggests that Young Ladrinka get a whiteboard, hang it outside his door and write “Shh! I’m studying!” on it.

This is pure madness.

Because if I were the sort of person to yell at people, I would not canvas the whole apartment in advance of my yelling session to make sure no one had a prohibition against unnecessary noise posted on their door.

Fortunately Young Ladrinka had other items on his list of things that are interfering with his academic development. Like the fact that he is always hungry, and it’s so hard, so very hard, to concentrate when one’s stomach is empty. And the Tutor suggested that he talk to Mom about delicious and nutritious brain-power boosting snacks.

I’m lucky Children’s Services haven’t stopped by yet. Although it’s possible they did and I just didn’t hear them knocking over all my yelling.

And the crazy thing is, this isn’t even the story I was going to tell you today. But I had to get that one out. As fucking prologue.

Now, shhh! Young Ladrinka is studying.

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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Roshni November 30, 2012 at 5:10 pm

LOL!! Oh, he’s good!! You have to give him that!!

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suburbancorrespondent
Twitter:
November 30, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Okay, I’m picturing you as Kaye Ballard in The Mothers-in-Law now.

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Mama D November 30, 2012 at 6:30 pm

My blood pressure went up just reading that…

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Peajaye
Twitter:
November 30, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Where was this effin’ Tutor 29 years ago when I lived in South Central L.A.? Who knew all I had to do was to hang a whiteboard on my door and then all my neighbors would lower their screaming and boom boxes and car alarms?

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deb November 30, 2012 at 8:05 pm

this is so, so funny because it is you, and not me. i am sorry, but i am laughing anyway.

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OHmommy
Twitter:
November 30, 2012 at 9:35 pm

So. Funny!

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Marta
Twitter:
November 30, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Ugh. Other people annoy me too. Perhaps I should rephrase that to be most people.

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Alexandra November 30, 2012 at 11:52 pm

I go for the one of you leaning out the 11th story window shouting random whatevers that pop into your head, kinda like twitter.

And do you know what Auggie came home with?? a note from his piano teacher, with these exact words “Auggie says he’s not able to practice piano at home since he’s always doing chores.”

Chores? You want chores, auggie? I’ll give you chores…

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Rpd December 1, 2012 at 12:02 am

Please enroll him In Kumon. It will make your
life so much easier.

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Phoenix Rising
Twitter:
December 1, 2012 at 2:31 am

Just know that I’m not laughing AT you, I’m laughing WITH you! But you’re probably yelling to loud to be able to discern that difference. Good luck, loon. (I’m using loon as a term of endearment.)

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Deborah J December 1, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Haaaaaa!
I salute you in sisterhood….and ‘caus I don’t blog I’ll overshare.
I have 2 daughters, and we have had many involved discussions about relationships, birthcontrol , decision making. I’m not queasy about this…I was pregnant at 19…I’m a lesson.
….and I often had to wait till my husband left the house because, you know, men are easily embarrased and shocked their teenage daughters might grow up.
So I made the youngest, 18, an appointment for birth control.
I drove her there.We had a great discussion in the car about options, independance and taking control of your own body.
I sat in the waiting room.

…and when the female Doctor said to her, “Can you talk to your mother about these things?
She said, “No”

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KINGOFNEWYORKHACKS
Twitter:
December 2, 2012 at 3:48 am

Sounds like you’ll all be laughing about this at the next time child services knock, awww to hell with them keep yelling !! lmao :D

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Lady Jennie December 2, 2012 at 1:22 pm

My favorite is the whiteboard with sh! on it. Tutor is clearly childless.

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tracy@sellabitmum December 3, 2012 at 7:28 am

I’m now very stressed because I feel like you are yelling at me.

Also, best first sentence of a blog post ever.

Hugs to you. xo

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Mexmom December 3, 2012 at 1:44 pm

So funny especially the white board sign… please check it every 5 mins for updates!

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Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes December 3, 2012 at 4:27 pm

So when you want a bit of quite to read all you have to do is hang up a sign that says “shhh, mama reading”…

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GrandeMocha
Twitter:
December 3, 2012 at 10:37 pm

I’m glad I’m not the only one with a sassy kid who bends the truth.

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
December 4, 2012 at 2:33 pm

So you are paying some tutor who is teaching your son that you yell too much? That’s a tough pill to swallow. But I’m sure that info will be on his regional exams!

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Christina
Twitter:
December 4, 2012 at 3:23 pm

hysterical. obviously this little punk ass tutor has no children…

just throwing this out there BUT perhaps you could get your own whiteboard and write strictly in caps?? and misspell a word, lol.

“DEAR PUNK ASS TITTOR”…

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anymommy December 4, 2012 at 11:03 pm

I agree with Kelsey, stop paying this tutor to teach your son to criticize! Or let Ladrinka study at his house, if he’s so quiet.

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