A Name

February 20, 2014

I planned to spend Presidents Day figuring out once and for all if it’s President’s or Presidents’ or Presidents Day and also watching Scandal, because I’m a patriot. But shortly into my plan, Mama called. “We are going to adopt a cat,” she told me. Their Sly died over the summer. “Stay near the phone […]

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Helter Skelter

February 17, 2014

My son was unloading the dishwasher, under protest and duress, obviously. “Hey, can you sort the silverware more carefully,” I reminded him as he threw the forks and spoons around. “Not so Helter Skelter.” “What’s Helter Skelter?” he asked. “You know…Charles Manson..was listening to the Beatles Song? While he murdered people, I think.” “So I […]

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Better Red Than Not Talking About Heart Disease

February 13, 2014

Today is your lucky day, because today you get two posts for the price of one. First, I will tell you about a situation with my kids. And then, I will probably save your life. *** This week I received a gift. Actually it was a many gifts, and it arrived from Tieks, the people […]

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I’m Right, You’re Wrong: Coffee

February 11, 2014

You know how this works, right? Come on, we just had one this month. Can you at least pretend you’re paying attention? Ok, so I’m Right You’re Wrong is a semi-regular feature here where I try to settle a loving dispute I’m having with a loved one, OR THE WORLD AT LARGE, by presenting the […]

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Things I Learned

February 6, 2014

Last year I learned something so shocking that it has taken me up until now to discuss it with you. I learned that literally now also means figuratively. And not just according to people who don’t understand how language works and have been using it incorrectly for years. No. According to the dictionary. This makes […]

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Exciting Business Opportunity!

February 3, 2014

A few weeks ago I had a brilliant idea. It shone so bright that I had little choice but to accept the fact that it was inspired by nothing less than genius. I decided to share it with Mama and Papa and Russian Aunt, Mama’s sister, who is visiting from Russia for a few months. […]

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Lucky

January 29, 2014

The other day I was thinking about how lucky I am. I was thinking this because I was looking in the mirror and my hair was so blonde, so bouncy, so perfectly Breck girl, that I felt sorry for atheists. Because here was proof of the divine wonders and they were just too stubborn to […]

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I’m Right, You’re Wrong: XOXO

January 25, 2014

It’s finally time for another installment of I’m Right, You’re Wrong, where I use the internet to work out disputes with loved ones. Because I can’t get on the Jerry Springer Show. The rules are that I will present you with a dispute, but anonymously, so as not to influence you to agree with my […]

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