PokeMom

by Marinka on August 26, 2008

So, I’ve been on vacation/Pokemon torture chamber. My son has been talking to me about Pokemon nonstop with an intensity that makes waterboarding sound like a pleasant distraction on a hot summer day.

A typical conversation, that springs out of absolutely nowhere, goes something like this:

“Mom, guess who my favorite Pokemon is.”
“I don’t know.”
“Guess.”
“Give me some options.”
“Ok, Turtwig, Jumpluff, Tortero, Flareon, Ivysaur or Nidoking.”
“The first one.”
“Which was the first one?”
“I don’t know.”
“So why did you say that it was your favorite?”
“To shut you up, I mean, because it sounded like the strongest one!”

But then, I had an idea. All the Pokemon have amazing powers. For example (and I’m using the cards for reference now, lest you think I have this stuff committed to memory), Nidoking has the Poison Rub power and the Pride Attack power. Leafeon has the Spiral Drain (which sounds handy if you have a clogged kitchen sink, for example) and Leaf Blade. Dusclops has Dark Mind, which makes me think that he’d fit with us bloggers! Ambipom has Astonish, that show off, and Hang High, but I don’t speak Pokemon jive, so I can’t tell you what that is. Of course I can ask my son, but if you think that I will willingly initiate a Pokemon conversation with him, you must be new around here.

So my idea was to develop powers for moms. Because we need them. Things we can all use to make our day, you know, easier. So that by the time 4:59 pm rolled around we didn’t have the bottle of wine taking its first anticipatory breath.

Here are some powers that I suggest. Please add your own.

Power Glare: The glare shuts the kids up immediately and makes them bend to the Pokemom’s will.

Teflonitis: Any insinuation that the child’s rude behavior is a result of poor parenting, gets completely deflected and blamed on the accuser, instead.

Urination Prolongation: The ability of mothers to lock themselves in the bathroom to pee, and also to read “War and Peace” until their kids notice that they are Not There.

Blog Attack: Retaliatory blogging about children’s misdeeds.

Power Glug: Because even with our super Pokemon powers, sometimes we need to enjoy a glass of wine. Or ten.

One year ago ...

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Vodka Mom August 26, 2008 at 4:13 am

teenitus deflectus: The ability to deflect all of the “I hate you mom, you are such a bitch” from your teenage girl. Power comes with lifetime prescription for valium.

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binks August 26, 2008 at 5:19 am

How about blockitalloutia: the ability to listen at length to the explanation on why this superhero can beat that superhero (or pokeman, power ranger, turtle, or some such nonsense) and still be able to go over your shopping list,in your head, without the explainee noticing that in no way are you listening to them. (I have to say, I sometimes use this power on my husband).

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Tracey August 26, 2008 at 5:21 am

Wha?I’m sorry, I blanked out at the word “Pokemon .”

Our days are similar.

“Mommy! Guess what I just got? A poskelsiblahihlh that evolved from a jasedftgew that can do this amazing thing…” Yeah. I blank out. He gets SO excited though…

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wfbdoglover August 26, 2008 at 5:42 am

Mr. Mime the maid – to clean up the messs families make and Mime Jr., a smaller version of the same. Just think how clean our houses would be and Togepit, a minor errand running friend… wonder if he will share wine?

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Marinka August 26, 2008 at 7:03 am

Vodka Mom-I’m definitely signing up for that power!

Binks–Yay that I have this power already!

Tracey–blank out, black out..I get it!

WFB–so funny! I saw the minor errand running power on a Pokemon card and asked my son whether that means he could get me a cup of coffee.

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Kate August 26, 2008 at 8:37 am

supressatantrum – I need this power since I have three toddlers who tend to melt down 50 times a day – often in unison. I would whip out my supressatantrum (I’m picture this in the form a a gun) and fire away. This would put them all in an immediate state of quiet independent play.

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Quart August 26, 2008 at 6:10 pm

GiggleStoppage: The ability to control your laughter when your kid does something completely terrible, and hysterically funny.

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Marinka August 27, 2008 at 3:41 am

Kate–yes! I need that power. But I assume you mean that it will be suppressed until Dad gets home, right?

Quart–I find that biting the inside of my cheeks works like a charm! It’s almost a superpower.

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anymommy August 27, 2008 at 11:45 am

Eraser Mind – the ability to instantly erase whatever horrible word or phrase you just used from your small children’s mind forever.

I want them all, how do I become Invicimom with all these powers?

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