Reese Witherspoon and Kelly Ripa Chat. Marinka Can’t Stop Vomiting.

by Marinka on December 3, 2008

Last week Reese Witherspoon was a guest on “Live with Regis and Kelly” and let me just get this out of the way–her appeal is completely lost on me. I just don’t see it. But you know who sees it? Kelly. Reese comes out to thunderous audience applause and Kelly says “the women cheer for you the way that they cheer for a guy.” What does that even mean? I think it means that Kelly is crazy.
And then Regis asks Reese what is on her Christmas list and she reveals that she just bought a farm and that the chickens were running wild and somewhere between Regis, Reese and Kelly it was determined that Reese needed a chicken coop and, Santa, if you’re listening, that’s what Reese wants, hee hee, ho ho.
The fuck?

I don’t know about you, but I like my celebrities down to earth. I’ve always loved the “They’re Just Like Us!” feature in US Weekly where stars are photographed doing every day normal things like grocery shopping, wedgie removing and fatwah issuing. “Buying a farm” is not on that list.

From now on, I want celebrities to answer the what do you want for Christmas question with Britney Spears’ Fantasy Midnight perfume body set or anything else that can be purchased from Target or, possibly, Ann Taylor Loft. Because we need to give our economy a boost and it’s not going to happen with Reese’s Chicken Coop.

And then Reese said how much her kids loved the farm and how they were happy there and that there was no TV or video games there. I was nodding maniacally at this point, thinking that finally, Reese and I have something in common because when we go to my parents’ house in upstate New York, there’s no TV or video games there either and although the kids seem to love it anyway, I do miss the quality time of plopping them in front of the screen and relaxing while they absorb important media messages.

Except that wasn’t where Reese was going with this. Instead in complete disregard and violation of the Mom-code, she and Kelly went into this “our children don’t need tv and videos” spiel that made me vomit uncontrollably.

Kelly said how great it was because when they go to the Hamptons, the kids play with sticks and rocks and those are like the best toys. Seriously, did anyone else see this show, because now that I type it out, it seems even more insane. And let me just say that I call bullshit on that. Ok, maybe they poked around with sticks and rocks, but who believes that they are really electronics and manufactured toys-free?
I think that part of being a celebrity mom is making sure that you never say anything that may possibly offend a non-celebrity mom.  Especially if that non-celebrity mom is me.  And if you think that I’m just a bitter hag, I’d like to congratulate you on your good call.

One year ago ...

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{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }

Janie December 4, 2008 at 3:03 am

Kelly and Reese is sickening enough.

Glad I missed it!

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Ann's Rants December 4, 2008 at 4:40 am

Oh, I’m sure their nannys are thrilled with the no screens/sticks and stones only rule.

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Vodka Mom December 4, 2008 at 5:00 am

I get so PISSED when celebrities, who make their GAZILLIONS of dollars on TV and MOVIES won’t let their kids watch them. What the fuck??? Are you kidding me?

I just don’t get it. (Don’t get me started….)

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Smart A$$ Mom December 4, 2008 at 5:13 am

Fo Real, why can’t she be real and just say ‘I’d love for Mark to stop diddling the maid and Joaquin to put down the DS during supervised visits.’ You can’t seriously think these crazies get full custody do you?

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Rachel December 4, 2008 at 5:51 am

I call bullshit, too.

I would swear to reading or hearing a quote from Kelly Ripa years ago proclaiming TV was fine for her tots, without it she’d never be able to get in a daily shower. I actually tried (for a few minutes) to find the quote online, without success. Maybe your investigative journalism skills are better than mine, Marinka? I say take her down!

Also, I’ve nominated you for an award on my blog! Check it out! 🙂

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Braja December 4, 2008 at 5:54 am

I’m with Vodka Mom (ha!)…I mean who the HELL do these idiots think we are?? They make millions on media/movies and the like, and then carp on about how healthy their kids are because they don’t allow them to watch/indulge. Madonna is a prime example of such an idiot. God, they sicken me. Thank God Bollywood is so normal (lol rofl lmao and all that…)

Marinka, I’m tellin’ ya: you, me, Vodka Mom, NY, girls session, we’re there…

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OHmommy December 4, 2008 at 5:55 am

Oh man, I am so sorry I missed it. Thanks for the full recap. There was a time in my life that I really i liked both women. I would have been vomiting too.

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Cindy December 4, 2008 at 5:56 am

I like you bitter hag…hehe

Both of them make me puke

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jen December 4, 2008 at 5:58 am

i am incredibly thankful for missing that.
and i’m sorry that you had to endure it.
public service announcement: your remote has an off button and a channel change feature if you ever need it again.
end of the public service announcement.
you’re welcome.

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Robyn December 4, 2008 at 6:29 am

Don’t you love how people who make their LIVING from being on TV say that they don’t let their kids watch TV? It’s like saying, I know what I’m putting out there is crap, I mean, it’s good enough for YOU people, but not for MY precious children.

I’m bitter too, in case you couldn’t tell.

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Comedy Goddess December 4, 2008 at 6:32 am

What is with Reese’s new hair do/don’t on the cover of Parade insert newspaper? She looks like the mom from that 70’s show.

Kelly is really Kathy Gifford in disguise. I couldnt deal with her either. So is Regis for that matter.

That show is very irritating anyway. Wait, I think I just threw up a little.

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Kristine December 4, 2008 at 6:35 am

I’m sure their PSPs and DSs were just momentarily locked in the car when they grabbed the stick to try to pick the lock. And when that failed the rock to break the window. Or is that just the kids in my family?

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Melissa December 4, 2008 at 6:38 am

I don’t think you’re a hag…:)

But yeah. I used to be a huge RW fan, but she’s gotten a little preachy. And Kelly? Needs to eat a sandwich or something.

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Kylie w Warszawie December 4, 2008 at 7:08 am

My kids would just poke each other with sticks.

Actually, that’s exactly what they do now.

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Miss Britt December 4, 2008 at 7:13 am

I think the sticks in The Hamptons are probably more awesome than regular sticks.

So that bullshit story doesn’t even count.

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Z December 4, 2008 at 7:30 am

I actually kind of like Reese as a celebrity, but I do all kinds of hate Kelly.

And I’m with you on calling bullshit on the “they only play with sticks” line. Yeah, right. They play with sticks – as well as their gameboys, nintendos, etc – AND their nannies. Let’s not forget those!

😉

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Always Home and Uncool December 4, 2008 at 7:31 am

Maybe this will help you feel better. Article in the hometown paper says, Rege backed into a police car in the town next to ours, doing $2,700 worth of damage. Hmm, no mention of a breathalyzer, though.

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Andy December 4, 2008 at 7:35 am

My brother once stabbed me above the eye with a stick, but I digress.

If her kids don’t watch TV, then they will grow up uninterested in watching Reese’s movies running endlessly in syndication on TBS.

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for a different kind of girl December 4, 2008 at 7:43 am

My kids have learned to use sticks as weapons because of TV. However, I live in the suburbs where there are very few mature trees, so we don’t have many sticks. Because of this, I say thank God for TV.

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Heinous December 4, 2008 at 7:52 am

I love when any celebrity gives parenting advice. Most of them are so knowledgeable with all that great info passed on from their children’s au pairs.

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Smartass Milf December 4, 2008 at 7:54 am

I call bullshit! That and Kelly Ripa just drives me insane. I can’t even watch that show because of her. You know their kids watch TV and mine does proudly. He got stitches because he wasn’t sitting in front of the TV. Lesson learned indeed.

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Leigh (Modern Mommy) December 4, 2008 at 8:04 am

LMAO! I refuse to watch daytime TV for this reason. My 8 month old doesn’t need to see my uncontrolled rage directed at Kelly Ripa. HATEHATEHATE her. Skinny bitch. (Does that make a hag too?) (Because I’m okay with that.)

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Eva December 4, 2008 at 8:14 am

I wonder what the nannies think about this policy!

Chickens are filthy, stupid creatures. Reese can have them to herself.

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wfbdoglover December 4, 2008 at 8:51 am

I am so offended that they go to the Hamptons and own a farm, more so than the sticks and stones.

Seriously, the stick just made it to the Toy Hall of Fame this year.
That’s why their kids play with sticks.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/11/07/stick.hall.fame.ap/

News break – we don’t live in the Hamptons or own a farm and my kid has been playing with sticks and stones and bugs and butterflies for years.

So now Reese and Kelly want to jump on MY bandwagon because the stick made the hall of fame this year?

Copycats!

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Domestic Goddess (In Training) December 4, 2008 at 9:30 am

Well duh Marinka!!! If I could afford a fully functioning farm and a lux home in the Hamptons, my kids would be surrounded by such extravagance they wouldn’t need tv or toys. But, since I inhabit a little place called the real world, I thank heaven for Dora, Wubbzy and Tonka Trucks!!!

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Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub December 4, 2008 at 9:35 am

I become totally irrational when celebrity’s try and explain how “normal” their kids are. As long as Mommy or Daddy has a pack of lackey’s attending to their every need, there is no amount of playing with sticks or feeding of chickens that will normalize that kid’s life.

And, thanks for stopping by yesterday- I appreciate the comment.

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aoide December 4, 2008 at 9:48 am

I LOATHE Greasy Witherknive but for some reason I like Kelly Ripa. Yes, she’s a skinny bitch, makes stupid faces on TV, blows unnecessarily powder into celeb’s arses, but still. This girl is my hero. She works an hour a day (weekends off) and gets millions of dollars for her “hard” work. I seriously admire this.
Btw, my first post here, you have a great blog.
Cheers, uvidjemsa pod stolom, or something like that.

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Nilsa December 4, 2008 at 10:13 am

And I used to like Reese Witherspoon before reading this post. Now, I’m going to have to rethink my stance. Because non of my favored celebrities are allowed to be that offensive to my favorite bloggers!

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Kimberly December 4, 2008 at 10:28 am

The paparazzi seriously need to get a photo of her kid playing with his Wii so we can all buy it and call shenanigans on her ass.

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Sophie, Inzaburbs December 4, 2008 at 10:36 am

My goodness Marinka, stop torturing yourself with these B-listers! If you really want to puke, try Brangelina. They are always so exhausted, the poor things, what with overseeing the four nannies, gallivanting around the world and staying in those enormous houses. And then they go on TV and simper about what hard work it is to look after so many children.
At least, I imagine they do because I don’t watch any TV. I am too busy out in my yard playing with sticks and stones.

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Feener December 4, 2008 at 10:47 am

i didn’t see it, but i actually like reese and i am glad i didn’t see it bc it sounds like i would have felt the same way as you. kelly does annoy me, but at least i feel like she knows what she is.

i always hate it as well when they say NO to tv and film, when that is how thye make their extremely WELL OFF living.

However, I recall rosie always saying her kids don’t watch tv yada yada, but they watch DVDS – excuse me what is the difference ?????

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aoide December 4, 2008 at 11:10 am

Feener, the difference is no commercial breaks when you watch DVDs, so your kids can still live with the illusion that sticks, stones and whatnot are actually the shit ;-).

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Paula December 4, 2008 at 1:18 pm

You say “bitter hag” like that’s a bad thing? ???

All celeb parents are full of tomatoes. They all say one thing and do another. Maybe that’s why so many Hollywood kids end up with troubles : they are closet tv watcher/video gamers and have to drink/do drugs to hide their SHAME.

Sticks in the Hamptons, my EYE.

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Kate Coveny Hood December 4, 2008 at 1:19 pm

Motherhood is automatically more rewarding when you have nannies to travel everywhere with you. If I had nannies to entertain my children, I could live without the TV. For them I mean – I need to watch my stories in the evening.

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heytheredearheart December 4, 2008 at 2:15 pm

Did you see Reese “W” present an award at the 2008 County Music Association Awards? I imagine you did not. (: Anyway, she was equally fake and self involved. Ugg. So much for critical acclaim.

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Swistle December 4, 2008 at 2:23 pm

I totally agree with Reese and Kelly: I wouldn’t want to pay my nannies to relax while the kids absorbed important media messages, either. But since I get no pay…well, I’m buying the best Christmas present this year for my television set. Everyone else gets cheap stuff.

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Manager Mom December 4, 2008 at 3:16 pm

The only celebrity moms I like are the ones that adhere to the “Keep my mouth the hell shut” policy. Like Michele Williams and Naomi Watts.

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Wendy December 4, 2008 at 3:31 pm

Reese has a funny chin. That is all.

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Mama Cass December 4, 2008 at 5:48 pm

Got it, Swistle. When someone else takes care of your kids, the laundry, the dishes, and everything else in the whole damn day, it’s nice to sit and chat about poisonous television.

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Bananas December 4, 2008 at 6:51 pm

you crack me up. srsly.

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Amanda December 4, 2008 at 7:44 pm

Ok, for real, my set would have exploded. They are too little and too sacharine to exist at once.

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Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy December 4, 2008 at 7:47 pm

I’m definitely not taking parenting advice from either of these anorexic bitches.

Mostly because I am fat, not famous, broke, and bitter.

But they are also both complete liars.

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Tooj December 4, 2008 at 8:04 pm

LOL I’m not in agreement with you today..and I am not even a celeb person. I watch movies for fun, never read the trashy tabs….but you at least have to understand where they are coming from. They’re saying, as I do often with my non-famous friends, playing outdoors was the thing to DO when we were young. The tv and the video games were barely existing in my days growing up….we’d be out on the tire swing (that’s the midwest for ya) or on our bikes all day…toddlers do the sticks and rock thing. My 4 year old seriously loved twigs when he was one. THAT WAS his favorite toy…I think they’re just stating that it’s a simpler way of entertaining, back to “old school”…and I don’t know about Ripa, but I do think that’s partially how RW grew up. And I don’t hate anyone in Hollywood for bein’ skinny…I’m skinny damn it and I hate all the fat women who get pissed about it. LOL Lots of skinny women work their ass off to stay healthy and trim because it FEELS good. 🙂

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Eve Grey December 5, 2008 at 2:00 pm

Ugh, Reese Witherspoon is the most boring actress ever. When a woman says she LOVES Reese and she’s their favourite actress, I’m all, like, well i can’t be yer friend then.

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*Akilah Sakai* December 5, 2008 at 2:10 pm

I’d like to thank you for watching that show and posting about it. I much prefer reading your commentary! Why? Because somehow, I’m very sure I would not have been able to sit through it myself without ramming a pencil in both ears and running in a circle saying, “Red room!” repeatedly.

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Temple December 5, 2008 at 4:19 pm

Dude…seriously? They don’t need tv or videos? What? Because as an-every-other-weekend-stepmom-to-be I can’t even imagine that world…Of course, I guess if I lived in a world where my biggest concern was that my chickens were running “free range” and what to get my nanny/personal chef/personal trainer/make up girl/wardobe advisor/chciken life coach for Xmas things might be different. WTF?

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Heather, Queen of Shake Shake December 6, 2008 at 7:32 pm

Clearly I’m a superior mother to Reese because my kids play video games and watch TV and still know how to play with sticks and cat turds.

I rock this mothering shit so hard I teach my kids both. How else will they take over the world and implement our evil plan if they don’t know technology?

BTW, is there any chance you’re going to the BlissDom conference in Nashville in Feb?

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Charmaine December 7, 2008 at 8:55 am

Yes. You are a “bitter old hag” praise Jesus. Like me.

Kelly makes me want to vomit. I don’t care who she is interviewing.

Am I mad?

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anymommy December 7, 2008 at 5:19 pm

Can you watch more because I am in love with your reporting style. It’s like TVw/opity only better!

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the mama bird diaries December 7, 2008 at 8:01 pm

I just saw Four Christmases.

I know. I’m still trying to forgive myself for making such a stupid decision.

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