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Contest: Nicki Needs a Middle Name

by Marinka on June 2, 2009

We realized this week that our beloved cat Nicki doesn’t have a middle name. In my kids’ eyes, that’s sort of like our beloved cat Nicki not having food and water.

This must be remedied immediately and I am turning to you for suggestions. Because you were invaluable in naming my son’s loose teeth.

Some friendly reminders:

Photos of Nicki can be found in Nightly Nicki. You should probably study them for a few hours for inspiration.

Story of Nicki’s adoption!

Don’t miss the prequel!

Nicki’s story in her own words!

Nicki’s Facebook 25 Random Things About Me post.

Nicki’s shelter name was Kendra.

After we’ve had Nicki for about a week and ordered her a monogrammed wardrobe, my daughter wanted to name her Lexi.

So, in addition to seeking a middle name, we are also looking for Nicki names in the following categories:

1. Stripper name (Lexi so doesn’t have a lock on it!)
2. Porn name
3. WalMart name
4. Jewish name
5. Star Wars name

Please submit your nomination in comments, specifying the category in which you are competing.

Winners will be selected based on who submits the best name. (Ok, duh? What’s the point the random selection of winners? Isn’t this what’s wrong with America today? Yes, your suggestion of Stripey Tabby is great! You win! )

Good luck! Oh, and there’s no prize. Because I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the economy is shit and I can’t afford to hire a cleaning lady.

Unless not having a prize is really bad for contests. In which case, the winner can name Anymommy‘s baby. I mean, she hasn’t totally agreed to this, but I think that’s just because I haven’t asked her yet. But I’m sure that when she hears how much this would mean to me, well not to me, exactly, but to my blog, maybe not the whole blog, but this post, definitely, she will definitely agree.

So, come up with great Nicki names and the winner will get to name Anymommy‘s baby. Do contests get better than that?

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Funny, She Doesn’t Look Like a Whore

by Marinka on May 4, 2009

So the other day I get a postcard from Nicki’s vet. Not one of those “having a great time, wish you were here” postcards, but more of a “Nicki is due for her FIV test, call to make an appointment with the vet tech”. So I look up FIV and learn that it’s the feline HIV test. I am positively gobsmacked, which is no small feat for an American.

And excuse me, but aren’t there all sorts of regulations about patient confidentiality that should prohibit doctors from sending sensitive health information on a postcard?! I mean, I know that the postman always rings twice and everything, but I’d just rather that he not know that my cat is possibly FIV positive. That’s super private and possibly a violation of her constitutional rights as a feline American. (Hey, that’s two paragraphs in a row that I ended with “American”. I am super patriotic.)

Other questions that immediately pop into my mind:

Do normal people even know that cats can get AIDS?

Who wants to be the one to tell Husbandrinka that our fucking cat may have
AIDS?

Forget it, I told him already. Like this: “Nicki may have AIDS!!!!”
And he looks at me with suspicious rage and I can tell that he thinks that I’m making this shit up, just because when we first got Nicki, I told him that she needed to have some of her stripes surgically rearranged to be The Best Tabby That She Could Be and also last week I told him that I was looking into getting her hysterectomy reversed. So just because I playfully fabricated some things in the past, why does he assume that I’d make this up about feline AIDS? I mean, what kind of a sick fuck does something like that?

“Cats can’t get AIDS,” he says in a slightly condescending manner that sort of implies that he’s been working closely with the CDC on this.
“Oh, but they can!” I am drunk with knowledge and pinot grigio. “They can and they do!”

Update: Nicki is getting tested this Thursday. I can only imagine that with their wanton disregard for Nicki’s privacy, the vet will post the FIV results on the billboard in Times Square. Otherwise, I will keep you posted on the results, but if you’d like to help Nicki during this uncertain time, please go here and vote for my friend Nap Warden, who’s a finalist in Momversation’s Favorite Mom Memory. You will have to register, but it takes like thirty seconds, unless you’re really bad at registering or something. Nicki and I really appreciate it. God Bless You. And God Bless America.

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Tips for the Recession

April 12, 2009

Tweet UPDATE: Nightly Nicki has been updated! It has come to my attention that many people are worried about the Recession. Because nothing is more important to me than helping others, I am proud to present Tips for the Recession: Cutting Costs and Making Money!1. Why not cut your grocery expenses by sending your kids […]

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We All Have Problems

April 2, 2009

Tweet Last night I was sitting at my desk in full “the genious is working” mode, preparing to work on my book. I don’t know how Shakespeare did it, but I find that a few good games of Freecell on the computer really get the creative juices flowing. So, I’m totally excelling at Freecell, like […]

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Welcome to Motherhood in NYC

April 5, 2006

Tweet I’m Marinka and I’m a mom to an eight year old son and an eleven year old daughter. We also have a cat, Nicki. Oh yeah, and I’m married. I immigrated from Russia when I was nine years old. I’ve been exhausted ever since. Things that I am bad at: Small talk, especially discussing […]

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