The Fight

by Marinka on October 18, 2009

Husbandrinka and I are mid-fight right now.

It started last night, when I made an innocent observation that he has bad manners, and for some reason he became offended. Even though I specifically said that I didn’t think that it was his fault since he obviously didn’t know any better. He counterclaimed that his manners were better than mine since he doesn’t go around telling people that they had bad manners. Which makes absolutely no sense.

He asked for an example of his bad manners and I said “you never remember my friends’ names” and he said “all of your friends are named Susan or Lisa and I can’t keep standard American names straight.” So obviously the solution to this is to make friends with Montezuma.

Then the fight subsectored because I believe that when children get up from the dinner table they should thank the person who prepared their meal. He thinks that it’s not necessary. I suggested that only animals get up without thanking and he said that while animals do not in fact express verbal gratitude, they also don’t sit at the table. And then he got on a real roll and said that why don’t we ask the children to thank us for paying the mortgage too, while we’re at it, and I said “excellent idea! Nice to see you finally thinking!” and he said that he was being sarcastic to make a point.

What do you think?

Should children say “thank you” when they are finished with their meal? Or is that akin to asking them to thank you for their clothes and shelter and as long as they’re not defecating on the dinner table, it’s all good?
________________________

By the way, did you see my attempt at a review blog? Check it out!

One year ago ...

0saves
If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

{ 51 comments… read them below or add one }

Wendi
Twitter:
October 18, 2009 at 5:10 pm

Yes, they should say “thank you.”

And my middle name is Montezuma, so don’t do anything to piss me off.

Reply

Zoe Right October 18, 2009 at 5:11 pm

Wow you guys are fancy! I can’t remember the last time we ate at a table.

Reply

Deb on the Rocks
Twitter:
October 18, 2009 at 5:23 pm

Yes they should say thank you or some words of appreciation of the care provided to them at the lovely dinners your husband will be cooking for them this week.

Reply

PinkLizzy October 18, 2009 at 5:32 pm

Yes they should say thank you! I didn’t even realise NOT saying thank you was an option. They should also get down on their knees before you and lay chocolates at your feet…seriously.

Reply

Sherry Dickman October 18, 2009 at 5:40 pm

Yes, it is teaching them not only appreciation for what YOU have done, but setting the groundwork for noticing “it’s the little things in life that we should appreciate.”

Reply

K-Line October 18, 2009 at 5:41 pm

Of course they should say thank you. But actually eating without complaint is almost as good.

Reply

Lisa Rae @ smacksy October 18, 2009 at 6:09 pm

Our House:
1. Kid asks to be excused.
2. Says thank you for the meal. (Even meals with “green stuff.”)
3. Kid clears his own plate, then ours. (Division of labor principal.)
4. Kid strips naked and chases the cat into the closet while screaming, “Why is she so crabby? Why? I just want to squeeze her and give her a tomato! Come back! Come back!”

Reply

Marinka October 18, 2009 at 6:45 pm

Yeah, we do number 4 at our house, too. At least I do.

Reply

Maelstrom October 18, 2009 at 6:14 pm

Maybe you need to make better meals.

Reply

Marinka October 18, 2009 at 6:46 pm

Hmm. I never considered something so extreme.

Reply

Nydia October 18, 2009 at 6:17 pm

They should totally at the very least say “Thank you!” … I’m biased, however, as I almost never believe a man is right about anything! if it’s not that I’m beautiful …

Reply

Beth October 18, 2009 at 6:19 pm

If my children want to continue eating, they have to compliment the cook. And clean the kitchen.

Why the hell would I have had children if they can’t clean the kitchen?

Reply

Coma Girl
Twitter:
October 18, 2009 at 6:37 pm

My step-sons always say thank you as they get up from the table. And we’re talking about a 22, 18 & 17 year old – they may pee all over the toilet seat, stink up a room like it’s nobody’s business, and leave the hair in the sink after they shave. But they do say thank you after a meal.

I take what I can get.

Reply

Pop and Ice
Twitter:
October 18, 2009 at 6:40 pm

My kids always say “thank you” for meals we prepare as well as meals we buy. So, obviously, they are prodigies. Or else they were not well provided for in a prior life.

Reply

the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
October 18, 2009 at 6:52 pm

kids should be grateful for everything. i can’t wait to start making my kids say thank you after meals now. I’ll direct their complaints to you.

Reply

Joanie M October 18, 2009 at 7:12 pm

No more kids at my house these days, but the significant other always says thank you and says what a wonderful meal he just finished. Now if only he’d stop trying to give me pointers when I’m cooking. This from a man with Hungry Man dinners in his freezer and microwavable chili in his cabinets.

Reply

anna see October 18, 2009 at 8:14 pm

I think my kids and my husband should thank me, early and often. My husband is a great cook and I always thank him, but he doesn’t remember to thank me.

He thinks all our friends are named Jen. He’s often, but not always, right.

Reply

Braja October 18, 2009 at 9:09 pm

Laughing at Lisa Rae’s last one…too much…

And the first three, all the same in our house when we were kids. Thank you, ask to leave, clear your plate. Simple. And now, as an adult? I’m bloody perfect….

Reply

jeanie October 18, 2009 at 9:15 pm

I expect my child to do so at other people’s houses, and the best place to learn is at ours.

Its called courtesy. And well worth stoushing over. There is a line.

Reply

Heather October 18, 2009 at 10:42 pm

I always get my kids to say thank you at the end of a meal. It was they way I was brought up. It makes an impression on other people, I am often told what good manners my 2 year old and 4 year old have. Now if I could just curb some of their other behaviour…

Reply

Nicole
Twitter:
October 18, 2009 at 11:12 pm

My husband tells the kids to thank me, but I suspect they comply only to reduce the chance I’ll launch into one of my rants about how I always make dinner. So it’s less good manners and more limiting damage.

Reply

Julia October 18, 2009 at 11:53 pm

My kids say thank you whenever we eat at home, out or at someone else’s house. Otherwise they will suffer my wrath – which is basically just screaming at them and muttering to myself at how I am a failure as a mother.

Reply

tracey October 18, 2009 at 11:56 pm

Hey, it’s only crazy if you think it is. We do enough for them. Making them say THANK YOU is a small price to pay.

Reply

Elisa
Twitter:
October 19, 2009 at 1:26 am

Not only children should say thank you, so should husbands and anyone enjoying someone else’s cooking. Unless it sucks. In which case just gently ask for permission to leave the table and put your dish in the sink.

In my experience, most men tend to be, if not necessarily less well-mannered than the average woman, at least less caring about being polite, and perhaps a little more abrasive. This of course doesn’t include sample sales, when women are rude and obnoxious enough to make up for all the politeness and good manners of the rest of the month, or year.

Reply

momcat October 19, 2009 at 6:17 am

Husband obviously only thinks that thanking their mom for a good supper is not necessary because he is not the one making the food! I have given up expecting my boys to thanks me although they do on occasion spontaneously remember to do so. Anything that requires reinforcement every day for 18 years (or more) becomes a bit of a chore.

Reply

christy October 19, 2009 at 6:34 am

I think your kids AND your husband should be thanking you for cooking dinner! Whoever cooks dinner in our house is always thanked. And when I was a kid I’m sure I did the same thing to my parents. But we’re really food-centric here – we start thanking and saying mmm mmm this is good after the first bite – we don’t wait till the end of the meal!

Reply

meghan k October 19, 2009 at 6:37 am

i think it’s a great habit. you don’t have to take the time or energy to cook, and they should be greatful that you do cook instead of popping open a can of chef boyardee. my 7 year old son decided just this past thursday that what i had decided to cook for dinner was not as good as dinner from the drive through at some fast food restaurant. that night he got to make his own meal. he has decided that he will appreciate that i cook almost every night of the week from now on and not complain…. although i had to kind of nudge him into deciding that : ).

i am an adult and i know that things don’t just happen on their own whether it be a meal being cooked or the house being cleaned. i say thank you to people when they do nice things for me, so why shouldn’t children be expected to be thankful for what they are given or what is done for them, especially when it’s above and beyond what is required for life to be sustained?

Reply

Maddnessofme October 19, 2009 at 6:44 am

I think the kids should be washing your feet and giving you massages every day. They live in MANHATTAN for crying out loud with unlimited access to gum.

Reply

Jen
Twitter:
October 19, 2009 at 6:46 am

I can’t even imagine sitting down and enjoying someone else’s cooking and NOT saying thank you. Yet, this is what happens just about every single night at my house. I just don’t get it. Yes, I totally agree with you!! Men and children are like animals. Maybe I should just put their plates on the floor with the cats’ dish to prove a point.

Reply

Jeanette October 19, 2009 at 6:58 am

At my house I have never made it a priority to say Thank you after everymeal but my kids feel the need to always make sure they thank me or my husband for every meal we make or buy. Also every day out. I think it is very nice to hear, after all we do so much for them. It just makes me feel so much better…

Reply

Iheartfashion October 19, 2009 at 7:06 am

I expect my children to thank me just for getting out of bed in the morning!

Reply

LZ @ My Messy Paradise
Twitter:
October 19, 2009 at 7:44 am

Hmmm…While I believe in the point that kids should have manners and definitely appreciate the time and effort that the meal took to prepare, I would feel funny if I got thanked (by my kids – DH should kiss my butt for making dinner!) I would love a “Yum, this was great.” (which I never get) but I think I agree that it is the same as clothing and shelter.

Reply

MommyGeekology
Twitter:
October 19, 2009 at 7:53 am

In my opinion, thank you’s come at the beginning (when we sit down to eat), and a polite “may I be excused” and helping clear the dishes come at the end. 🙂

Reply

tammigirl
Twitter:
October 19, 2009 at 8:09 am

My husband thinks everyone should thank the person who cooked the meal. But then, my husband has manners.

Reply

Tiffany October 19, 2009 at 8:10 am

Growing up we were taught to “mmm this is good” or some kind of verbal gesture that would imply ‘thanks for dinner’ after the first couple of bites if we were at home or another house. (even as an adult, people like to hear this- thanks for that lesson mom!) We also had to ask to be excused at the end of the meal.

Reply

Allyson October 19, 2009 at 8:19 am

They aren’t allowed to leave the table until they ask to be excused and they always thank us for the meal as soon as they begin eating. However, if you can teach a 9-year-old to stop chewing with his mouth open, I will bestow upon you precious jewels, endless wealth, and many “thank you”s as a sign of my eternal gratitude.

Reply

Marinka October 19, 2009 at 8:35 am

You can never go wrong with passive aggressive. A gently, “hey, disgusto! We’re not have See-food tonight!” should do the trick.

Reply

peajaye
Twitter:
October 19, 2009 at 8:29 am

wow, for once i’m gonna side with you against husbandrinka. not only should the kids be thanking you, it should be HE not YOU who should be enforcing it, if you are the one preparing the meals. having to ask for a thanks is like having to ask for a surprise birthday party. i strongly suggest you bring up this topic next time you’re with his parents. make sure he’s sitting next to his father or mother when you inform them of his opinion on this matter so that they may slap him on the head.

Reply

Marinka October 19, 2009 at 8:35 am

Hey, why is there an upside down G next to your name? Probably because you’re Gay.

Reply

Swistle October 19, 2009 at 8:38 am

I automatically agree with you, but especially when you’re right.

Reply

The Mad Hatress October 19, 2009 at 11:14 am

My husband always kisses me on the cheek after he eats. Something he did when his Grandma and Mom cooked for him as a kid. And my kids usually say thank you, you know, after they complain about all the vegetables on their plates. I think it is basic manners and you can tell him I said so, lol.

Reply

Sophie October 19, 2009 at 11:46 am

I’m totally in favor of, and inforcing at my home:
* Thanking the cook or the person who took care of the order-in/take-away.
* Similarly, thanking the person who did the dishes, if I was the one cooking that meal.
* Definitely thanking the person paying for dinner at the restaurant, even if you’re not at the dating stage, even if your pet name for him is “dad” and you’re already past your 30th birthday and can pick up the tab yourself.

Reply

Corey October 19, 2009 at 12:23 pm

Yes, children should say thank you for for the meal as they get up from the table. (If they are REALLY well-mannered, they should ask to be excused from the table. We don’t go that far.) It is just a good habit to get into, otherwise they will never think to do it if they get invited to someone else’s house for a meal.

Reply

rimarama
Twitter:
October 19, 2009 at 2:45 pm

Husbandrinka is playing with fire.

Reply

Laura October 20, 2009 at 8:13 am

I say have Husbandrinka do all of the cooking for say at least a month or two. Then, he can have a better handle on whether or not it is appropriate to thank the cook.

Reply

Kate October 20, 2009 at 4:23 pm

You know, we always said grace before meals, which was really thanking some bearded man in the sky for our dinner (and for some other stuff). Maybe God ‘provided’ the food, but my mom made it tasty and put it in front of me. If saying grace is appropriate, so’s thanking the chef.
In that case, this is how they should show appreciation for dinner: “Marinka/Mom is good, Marinka/mom is great, Let us thank her for our food. Amen.”

Anyway, Husbandrinka is totally wrong.

Reply

Antonia October 20, 2009 at 4:38 pm

Yes, it’s teaching your children good manners; early memory: mom said, “say thank you”, then we’d say “thank you”- only for her to finish with : “Don’t thank me, thank God” =)

Reply

Jeanne October 20, 2009 at 5:53 pm

Actually, when mine were teenagers, they had to cook one meal a week. We all made it a point to thank and compliment the cook before leaving the table. And because they were in the rotation, they totally went along with it.

Never did get thanked for paying the mortgage. Although one time when we went away for a week, my 18-year-old stepson turned the house into a skateboard park. Does that count?

Reply

peajaye
Twitter:
October 20, 2009 at 5:54 pm

re: your response to my comment: “an upside down G”? really? oh, i forgot, you’re probably drunk and laying on the floor so it appears upside down to YOU. but for the rest of us sitting upright, the G is merely on its side.

Reply

SubWife October 21, 2009 at 10:27 pm

I strongly believe that kids should say thank you after the meal. Same goes for when you buy them clothes. And it wouldn’t kill them to appreciate that you actually are putting roof over there heads. The line about defecating on the table is soooo Russian. Maybe that’s why I absolutely adore it.

Reply

SubWife October 21, 2009 at 10:29 pm

shoot, it’s “their heads” not “there”. I am definitely losing it…

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: