The Other Gift Buying Guide

I’ve been doing most of my holiday shopping online this year and although Amazon is my all-time favorite go-to source for all things giftable, I thought it would be fun to expand my horizons a bit to see how the other 1% lives.  (Btw, the above link to Amazon is an affiliate link, which means if you click on it and make any purchase on Amazon, I will get a percentage of the purchase price. It’s a really tiny percentage, so I recommend you buy a yacht or two. Hey, summer’s coming!)

But not until we get through the winter. And we know it’s winter because last weekend, my son made this snowball and it’s been in our freezer ever since. We take it out on special occasions, like to put on our tree for that festive snowball in the Christmas tree feeling.

Actually I only staged it on the Christmas tree because when I first photographed it in a bowl, I became concerned that the DEA would think that I’m making crack cocaine at home. I’m pretty sure that people who make crack cocaine don’t put it on their tree, so I have a solid alibi.

Anyway.

Here are some ideas for holiday gifts.

For the person who loves black ostrich feathers, even though Jesus and Santa were both white:

A black ostrich feather. This is for that friend that’s always saying things like “Now where did I put my ostrich feather? I swear I had it somewhere and now I can’t find it! Maybe I’m confused and I never had one to begin with? Hmmm…an ostrich feather would be so great to have!”

And it’s only $75, which is less than, say, $76. And a lot of other numbers that are greater than 75.

For your favorite gynecologist/dismemberment expert, how about this pair of brass legs?

At $185 (for both!) it’s just a smidge over what you’d pay for two ostrich feathers. Hurry before this deal runs away!

Have a Lady Macbeth-type/OCD person in your life? Well, don’t just sit there. FUCK WITH THEM.

At a mere $85, this Drip Tease Mug Set will pay for itself in joy and merriment.

Want a fun gift for someone who needs a good cleanse?

Read. The. Reviews.

Thinking of way to say Happy Holidays! to one of our men or women in uniform on your list?

How about this Michael Kors camouflage mink fur set!

It’s like over $2000, which is expensive, but it’s mink and it’s camouflaged, so you’re saving a lot on having to get a costume for the mink come Halloween. This is called thinking ahead.

And check this out for more great gift ideas! Really. That link is my gift to you.

So here are some ideas to get you started! Let me know if you find any good deals, I’m always on the lookout. And obviously don’t forget to add that special cookie scent to your order so that the recipient knows you’re not a fucking animal.

Happy Shopping!

One year ago ...

• Mystery - 2011