(except for death and destruction, because, duh).
We are going away on vacation next week and I have some worries.
1. There will be no internet access at the house that we are renting. And a murderer in the basement.
2. The vacation books that I picked to take with me will suck and I will spend the week kicking sand at myself because I just had to read Stefanie Wilder-Taylor It’s Not Me, It’s You as soon as I got it and now I’ve already read it and don’t have it to look forward to and Stefanie seems to be one of those self-centered writers and is refusing to produce another book for my vacation.
3. My kids. If you have children, I hope that this category is self-explanatory and encompasses everything from “Are we there yeeeet???” to “she started it” to “I’m bored”. I love and adore my kids, but sweet lord, I had to beg them to go to a special breakfast for kids at Times Square this week. At Toys R Us. Because, they told me, they would rather have breakfast at Nintendo World. Yes, Your Majesties. So noted.
4. It will rain the entire time and our beach vacation will be ruined.
5. It will not rain at all and I’ll get totally beached-out.
6. It will rain some days and not others and I will become confused.
7. You know how when you’re on vacation, you don’t really remember what day it is today? I HATE THAT.
8. OMG, is today Saturday? Because I’m late for my vacation!
9. We will miss Nicki/realize how much easier our lives are without her.
9a. Home Alone Nicki will get stolen/Home Alone Nicki will not get stolen.
10. When I come back, my vacation will be over. Yes, I suffer from a very rare condition called Post Vacation Depression Syndrome (PVDS). Although many suffer from PVDS, I suffer from anticipatory PVDS, which is a lot more dangerous. Because as I tell people about it, while packing a bathing suit and a bottle of rum, they become mildly to mediumly homicidal.