This could have been in your reader this week!

by Marinka on January 7, 2009

Here are the blog posts that I started to write this week.
They’ve been aborted. But they may be born again soon. Could I be any more politically correct?

Your forebear’s foreskin: If you’ve never received a phone call from your father telling you that he was about to get circumcised, I congratulate you on your good fortune and subsequent excellent mental health.

First Love: When I was five, I was in love with Lenny. We met when we were three, but I played hard to get for the first two years.  

In-Laws, Out-Laws: My in-laws left after a three week visit, and not before telling my husband that he should hire someone to cook so that the kids had “proper meals”.  
In Defense of Husbandrinka:  Err…
Don’t Mind the Black Guy with His Hand Up  My Vagina:  I don’t know what your “before I go to the hospital to deliver the baby to do list” looked like, but mine had “tell of course we’re not racist future grandparents that my OB/GYN is young and African American to avoid potential awkward scene at the hospital.  Because they think that only old white Jewish men are doctors. ” 

One year ago ...

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{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }

Braja January 7, 2009 at 10:08 pm

You really are something Marinka. I could be wrong but I may love you slightly. Pull up a chair for me at that meeting on Saturday night with Vodka Mom, Goddess, and A$$. If I am not a silent member of that group I will have to hunt you all down and (this is where I’m meant to say “kill you” but that seems extreme so I’ll leave it unfinished…)

kisses
xoxoxo

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Cindy January 8, 2009 at 6:12 am

What do you mean?
I thought all doctors were old, white and jewish.

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Debbie January 8, 2009 at 6:16 am

I will feel less fulfilled until you finish these posts and hit that little publish button. I really need to know about your dad’s circumcision.

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*Akilah Sakai* January 8, 2009 at 6:34 am

“Don’t Mind the Black Guy with His Hand Up My Vagina”

I could get my hand caught in a garbage disposal, lose a few digits, trip and fall on the way home from the hospital badly breaking one of my remaining fingers & also knocking a Chewbacca aka tooth out, read this shit, and still laugh my ass off!!

(Ladies and gents, you’ve now been informed of what a bat-shit crazy loon I am. Have no fear. More than likely I do not live next door…)

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Ann's Rants January 8, 2009 at 6:41 am

I could do a joint post with you on that last one…

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WA January 8, 2009 at 6:49 am

Ohhh, a teaser post. I like it. Now go lock yourself in your house and finish them, woman.

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phd in yogurtry January 8, 2009 at 6:56 am

Defense of husband posts are so unnecessary and redundant. They do such a good job of it themselves.

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Z January 8, 2009 at 7:23 am

Sounds like a great line-up of future posts – can’t wait to read ’em 🙂

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Irish Gumbo January 8, 2009 at 7:55 am

My vote would be for ‘First Love’, but I have afeeling that’s not what we are going to see…

However, I am sure it will be good, and that matters a LOT!

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Always Home and Uncool January 8, 2009 at 8:08 am

As a husband, I feel obligated to tell you to give Husbandrinka a break. I’m sure he’s wrong (because the Laws of Nature and U.S. Marriage dictate that we always are, regardless), but I must uphold the Bro Code.

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blognut January 8, 2009 at 8:09 am

I must know how all of these stories end! Get going!

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Sophie, Inzaburbs January 8, 2009 at 8:30 am

How do you manage to make even your cop-out posts hilarious?

I never thought I’d say this, but (eeek!) I have to vote for your Dad’s circumcision also. From past readings of your works, I suspect we are in for a treat on that one.

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Carolyn...Online January 8, 2009 at 8:46 am

Please administer CPR on those posts pronto. Except the one about your dad’s peeps getting the cut. Because eww.

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Kristine January 8, 2009 at 9:51 am

I love the In-Law, Out-Laws one, I can’t write about mine on my blog because she’s uber-sensitive and totally reads my blog. But she did once say something about “guessing she had to accept me, because [my husband] is choosing to stay with me, for whatever reason.”

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Heather January 8, 2009 at 10:12 am

I LMAO at Your forebear’s foreskin – please, please don’t tell me he really did that?

I agree with Braja – I think I love you to.

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SassyTwoSocks January 8, 2009 at 10:56 am

A little piece of me will be dead if you don’t complete these, every single one.

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Madge January 8, 2009 at 11:09 am

yeah. your in-laws should come to my house if they want to see what no-cooking is all about.

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katy (aka funny girl) January 8, 2009 at 11:26 am

I want to read all of them. WRITE!

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Kylie w Warszawie January 8, 2009 at 11:37 am

I love all of these ideas. I’ve never had my father tell me he was going to be circumcised, but I have had other scarring moments that included dear old dad…

I’ve also had in-law scarring moments. One I want to blog about desperately because it JUST happened, but she reads my blog. I have to figure out a flattering way to do it. The other involved my MIL announcing to the whole family at dinner that FIL had gone to a nude beach and gotten his wang doodle sunburned. Then she laughed maniacally. Welcome to my world.

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Heather, Queen of Shake Shake January 8, 2009 at 11:59 am

Um yeah, they better all be in my reader next week if the first sentence is any indication.

Also? I’m stealing this idea too.

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Domestic Goddess (In Training) January 8, 2009 at 12:19 pm

Your kinda posts are better than most done ones. Not fair, I say!

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Andy January 8, 2009 at 12:21 pm

Dear Marinka:
Please combine all of these ideas into one blog post. I expect nothing less than greatness from you.
Thanks,
ARS

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Issas Crazy World January 8, 2009 at 12:29 pm

Proper meals are highly overrated. But you know, if they were offering to pay for it, I’d take them up on it in a heartbeat.

The first one scares me a bit. I know a great therapist if you need one to get over that conversation. 🙂

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Anonymous January 8, 2009 at 12:45 pm

At first I was a little grossed out by the thought of your father’s foreskin but you made up for it with that last one. I got to enjoy a brief moment visualizing Shemar Moore playing doctor. There, all better.

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Imogen Lamport January 8, 2009 at 1:11 pm

I don’t want to know about anyone’s foreskin, much less my father’s! Did you ask him for the money to pay for the years of therapy you now require to erase that visual image from your mind?

My MIL is a great ironer, and I am the world’s most crap – and she also thinks I’m a crap housewife and terrible mother as I didn’t spend my life sterilising bottles when my babies were babies …fortunately she lives in another country.

You haven’t killed your kids with your cooking so everything is just fine!

In Australia, there are many Chinese and Indian doctors – we have very few Jewish doctors. I opted for midwives when I gave birth.

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Kate Coveny Hood January 8, 2009 at 1:15 pm

Do I want to know about the first one, or do I not want to know about the first one….? It’s hard to decide.

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PsychMamma January 8, 2009 at 2:03 pm

I want to read the rest of each and every one of those, so go get busy!! REALLY!! What are you waiting for??

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Iheartfashion January 8, 2009 at 2:21 pm

Can’t wait for these!

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Janet January 8, 2009 at 3:15 pm

I agree with Braja. I may be in love with you, too.

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bernthis January 8, 2009 at 3:47 pm

We must be sharing a brain today which is why I cannot thing of anything to write, well I did, I wrote two aborted posts so far, one angry, one less angry…

hmmm

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Vodka Mom January 8, 2009 at 5:47 pm

jesus, even your blog post ideas crack me the hell up.

p.s. We’re not getting a surprise group annual exam at our get together, are we??? Cause my nether regions are a bit empty. (That dang hysterectomy and all…) He might get lost up there.

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Beth January 8, 2009 at 6:16 pm

Hilarious! I am particularly interested in the last one.

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Jeanne January 8, 2009 at 6:23 pm

My dad once told that he was having problems getting it up. This was after my mom passed away, so she wasn’t the lady in question. Not sure if that made it better or worse….

I’d like to see a blog that blends his circumcision ordeal with his decision to open a cat shelter!

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kia (good enough mama) January 8, 2009 at 6:42 pm

I think I’d read them all except for the forebear foreskin one. That’s just too wrong on too many levels… 😉

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Momo Fali January 8, 2009 at 7:07 pm

How is it that a bunch of throw-away posts can turn into one great one? Kudos.

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Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy January 8, 2009 at 7:10 pm

I must admit I am bummin’ that we didn’t get full posts on any of these topics because they all made me LOL.

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Heinous January 8, 2009 at 8:15 pm

Damn, could you send these posts to me privately then. I feel that I’m missing out.

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Tony January 8, 2009 at 10:13 pm

hi, just a short note to let you know that I came to your blog from a comment you posted on mine when Heinous wrote a guest post on mine. I really enjoyed your blog – I went back and read some of the older posts and just wanted to tell you that you have a great way of writing and are very funny. Take care and I look forward to reading more of your blog.

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the mama bird diaries January 8, 2009 at 10:14 pm

Loving that last one.

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Belle January 9, 2009 at 2:53 am

Jesus you are one lucky girl. I wish I had a young, Black, Any-kind-of African gyneacologist!

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Smart A$$ Mom January 9, 2009 at 1:31 pm

What is everyone talking about, I totally wanna hear about your dad’s late in life circumcision.

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Temple January 9, 2009 at 5:48 pm

OMG! That totally reminds me of the post-Thanksgiving shopping trip like 2 years ago at Bed, Bath & Beyond in the middle of which my Mom announces to the burning ears of my sister and I that my dad got circumcised after they got married at her request…I was (a) totally heebed out on a new level of heebiness (b) shocked at the manifestation of love my dad had for my mom, and (c) no longer in the mood to buy kitchen accessories for Christmas gifts…

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Charmaine January 9, 2009 at 8:36 pm

You only waited two (2) years?

Whore.

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Pseudonymous High School Teacher January 11, 2009 at 10:24 am

I am torn between wanting to hear the foreskin story and the birthing one. I must intuite that your in-law stories will crack me up.

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