Last night I celebrated my last evening in North Carolina by watching TLC’s Toddlers & Tiaras an alternate reality show about children who participate in beauty pageants.
Now I know that a lot of people are outraged, but I see absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Let me explain. See, I believe that children, no matter what age, are old enough to have a choice.
So if the one year old twins, Scarlett and Isabella decided that pageantry was for them, I totally commend their mom for taking a break from her plastic surgery to get them to their dream destination.
Sure, walking the pageant runway is a bit of a challenge for the girls, because, you know, they can’t walk yet, but how are they supposed to go for the gold if they let age-appropriate development stand in their way? This is the problem with America, people. (Fortunately, Scarlett and Isabella are from Arizona, so they can lead the way!)
And four year old Makenzie? If there is anything more adorable than a toothless waitress, I don’t know what it is! Oh, don’t be silly! She’s not really a waitress! (Although she did say that she really admires waitresses because they’re “cool” and “bring you food.”) But the pageant had a ’50s scene and every contestant had to do something ’50s. And instead of doing “back alley illegal abortion,” Makenzie decided to do the waitress in a soda shop. FUN! FUN! FUN!
And how precious is 8 year old Danielle? With her amazing attitude, what with saying that she feels sorry for the other girls because they’re not as pretty as she is, and threatening to trash the hotel room if she doesn’t win, she has a promising future in Lohanville! What an adorable diva!
I wonder who bought her after the pageant?
I mean, that is the reason that the winners paraded on stage holding wads of cash, right? Surely that’s just the down payment, right?
Still skeptical? Well, maybe this will melt your cynical made-of-stone heart. You know, some people are unable to own dogs. Whether it be because of life threatening allergies, beautiful furniture that they don’t want destroyed or like, Michael Vick, it’s a condition of their parole.
Well, what do you do if you’re one of those unfortunates, but you still want to participate in a dog show? Get a kid and put her in a pageant, of course!
Pageants. I don’t know how I lived so long without them.
One year ago ...
- Judge Judy - 2011