Worldless Wednesday for Marinka

by Marinka on January 26, 2011

Holy shit, you guys. Guess who did a guest post for me today? Deb Rox. From Deb on the Rocks. I probably don’t have to tell you about this post about Royal Weddings and Conspiracy Theories, because mark my words, you’ll be referring to it come April. But what you don’t know is that Deb made BlogHer for me last year. Because after my (Screechy) Voices of the Year reading, I was running to the Mouthy Housewives party, bags akimbo and I ran into Deb just off Sixth Avenue. We’d met briefly before, but this time she stopped and talked to me. And I’ll never forget what she said. She said that she believed in humor as a genre and then she said something so wonderful to me that I can’t quite bring myself to post it here, but please know, that when things get dark for me, it’s one of those things that I replay in my mind. I will never forget her generosity. Unless I get dementia or something. What was I saying?

I’ve been wanting to guest post here at Marinka’s forever, mostly because I like to pretend I live in New York, and also because Marinka is so very pretty.

You know how Marinka uses that avatar photo where you only see the veiled back of her neck? Not just the nape of her neck, not just a veiled face, but a veiled nape of her neck. That’s hard-core mysterious, and it works. I have this theory that she has psychologically put all of us in the audience of her perpetual wedding to the world, daring us to bolt to our feet and shout This marriage must be stopped, for Marinka is born free and must live free!

I know for a fact at least one other person feels this way. And I’m not even talking about Neil.

So I’ve dreamt of having my words appear here in the critically acclaimed Motherhood in NYC (like I said, mostly because Marinka is pretty and partially because of the high-class Google juice she offers) and then I recently learned that Marinka was in the market for guest posts. What a coincidence! I decided I finally had my chance to exploit her while her defenses were down. Win-Win.

It was settled. I would write a guest post for Marinka! How exciting! Blogging is so full of opportunities! I felt better than a journalist traveling from umlaut city to umlaut city feels after he has had three cups of coffee and then discovers at the bottom of the cup the name of the Swedish prostitute who knows the secret to the mystery that explains why that hot girl is always kicking bees and doors and campfires.

Which is to say I felt pretty, pretty, pretty good.

But then block set in. What the hell to write? This is Motherhood in NYC we’re talking about! I choked.

Until I remembered that I’ve been around the blogging block a time or two, and I know what to do when times get tough for writers. I thought of the perfect blog solution to such a quandary: Wordless Wednesday!

Brilliant, no? But then I remembered a tremendous barrier to the brilliant execution of that plan. I suck at photography. I may well be the last person on the Internet who can’t even manage to take a horribly cool fake Instamatic photo. I mean, really, it’s humiliating. The last photo I took was of a flier posted in a bathroom about being sure to flush Stall 3 twice. Which I did, of course. But the clipart of the skunk looked fuzzy in my photo and then I forgot to send it to that one Tumblr that has all those photos. Because I just suck at photography. And at follow-through.

So.

Then I thought about giving Marinka a Wordless Wednesday post that was wordless and also photoless. Just open white space, a cool place for your eyes to rest. Progressive, isn’t it? Wordless Pictureless Wednesday, a Guest Post by Deb Rox. The “P” blows the alliteration, though, and I knew people would hate that. Web people are picky about grammar and spaces between sentences and yearbook editor details like that. Plus, I was worried that when Marinka posted it, the trapped white space might just look like a mistake, like Marinka lost the post I sent her, or was making some sort of passive-aggressive statement about its value. (“That bitch, can you believe she did that to Deb?” the back channels would buzz. After I stirred it up a bit.) No good could come from that.

So.

I’m thinking I have to avoid at all costs the question of guest posting for Marinka. Not now, not ever, really. Marinka is just going to have to write her own posts for once. And take her own photographs. She lives in New York, after all! Surely there are things to wordlessly photograph there!

I am at peace with my decision as I am very comfortable with being a slacker (years of experience pay off!), but I do admit I am somewhat worried that my failure to guest post might mean that Marinka never, ever allows her veil to be lifted in my presence, never allows herself to turn to face me. I will languish here in the row behind her, always a bridesmaid, never the one to dramatically rescue the bride.

Which, now that I think of it, I can live with, I can. Think of all of the effort I saved. And as far as views go, Marinka’s neck is really very lovely. Very lovely indeed.

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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

alexandra
Twitter:
January 26, 2011 at 12:52 am

Best Wordless Wednesday Ev-Er.

Hilarious, hilarious, hilarious. And dead on about the psychology of Marinka’s avatar. That sucker works.

So happy to meet you, Deb. And I also jumped in when Marinka’s defenses were down…win-win situation, as Cookie Monster says.

This is a fantastic guest post.

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Adrienne
Twitter:
January 26, 2011 at 1:08 am

I have never been so satisfied by a Wordless Wednesday post.

Sorry (pleased?) to say that you are absolutely not the last person on the internet who can’t take cool, edge, pretty, or whatever photos. I have given up and am now satisfied if my pictures vaguely resembles their subjects.

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The Flying Chalupa
Twitter:
January 26, 2011 at 1:51 am

You know, I have heard of this “Deb on the Rox” but now I really must investigate more. Because me likey this post. Me likey this post A LOT. And not just because I suck at photography. Funny. Wonderfully funny. Humor as a genre? Can it be? Somewhere over the rainbow? Yes. I believe.

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Deb Rox
Twitter:
January 26, 2011 at 9:24 am

Ohhh, I feel so different and tingly over here, so, so, I don’t know, so *swanky!* Thanks for letting me come visit! And I’m not just pandering hoping to get an early rose. (Hope I get a rose. When will I get a rose?)

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Wendi
Twitter:
January 26, 2011 at 9:57 am

OK, that settles it: I’m asking Deb to be my permanent guest poster. She can be like the Cedric of my blog.

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toywithme January 26, 2011 at 10:05 am

Refreshing wordless Wednesday!

Deb Rox, will you accept this rose?

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Deb Rox
Twitter:
January 26, 2011 at 10:47 am

I would be honored!

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toywithme January 26, 2011 at 12:33 pm

*Swoon*

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anymommy January 26, 2011 at 10:54 am

I have nothing witty. Love it.

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MommyTime
Twitter:
January 26, 2011 at 1:24 pm

I love Deb on the Rox, and not only because she once had had a blog header that was all Victorian and illustrate-y in that way that I adore — but maybe a teensy bit because of that — and also because she is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh today Deb.

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Ann's Rants
Twitter:
January 26, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Deb and Marinka you have cemented yourselves in thrones at my writing prompt dinner table.

You can fight over who gets to play footsie with Jesus.

I love you guys.

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Trish@Show and Tell
Twitter:
January 26, 2011 at 9:21 pm

This new, improved, revised and fully updated version of Wordless Wednesday rocks (or is that Rox)! Whatever! Fantastic guest post.

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
January 26, 2011 at 9:26 pm

I’ve never been a big fan of Wordless Wednesday until now. Brilliant.

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dusty earth mother January 26, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Deb, I am delighted that you decided to forgo the cool white space. This was so good I think Marinka might turn around and look at you. I just hope it’s not scary, like that girl who crawls out of the TV in The Ring.

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alisha January 27, 2011 at 2:21 am

this is fantastic? & am i the last person on earth (or such a newbie blogger) that i’ve never been here before? will be bahck!!!

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Amy
Twitter:
January 27, 2011 at 10:32 am

My favorite line: “After I stirred it up.” haaaa haaa! Brilliant. Best Wordless Wednesday ever!

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Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
Twitter:
January 28, 2011 at 8:20 am

I like to think of Marinka’s face when you, Deb, told her you were going to do a Wordless Wednesday post. Ha, you definitely turned that ship around. Very, very funny. I too don’t do the WW since no one wants to see a hazy photo of my elbow.

You’d better tell us what Deb said so we can remind you of it when we’re spoon feeding you canned pineapple in your assisted living center.

Humor as a genre, nicely said.

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carmen
Twitter:
January 28, 2011 at 9:14 am

I LOVE Deb. I LOVE Marinka. And I double LOVE this post.

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deborah l quinn
Twitter:
January 28, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Because I am also Deb (not A deb b/c there isn’t a cotillion in the world that would have me, even if I were to be 18 and a virgin again) I like to think that comedic brilliance lurks in the name. But I’ve never written anything so funny. Plus Marinka is way funnier than I will ever be, also, and her name isn’t Deb. Unless “Marinka” translates to Debrinka in another language?
Thanks for the double set of laughter.

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Lady Jennie January 30, 2011 at 2:57 pm

I would howl with appreciate laughter if it didn’t wake my snoring husband on the couch. So delightful.

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Lady Jennie January 30, 2011 at 2:57 pm

APPRECIATIVE laughter. oops

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