From the monthly archives:

October 2015

Planned Parenthood Really Screwed Me

by Marinka on October 4, 2015

I know that there were Congressional hearings going on last week and I stand with Planned Parenthood (assuming that all the seats are taken and it’s Standing Room Only) and all that, but I am also furious at them. And I know that as a pinko-liberal-feminist it’s not ok to be mad at Planned Parenthood, but I am. I AM. And I will no longer be silenced.

Now let me tell you everything from the beginning so that you can see why I am completely right about everything and why Planned Parenthood owes me a huge apology and perhaps a small gift.

I have always supported Planned Parenthood. In college, I did data entry for them. After college, I worked as an escort at one of their clinics, helping women who needed services get past the protesting nutcases. And I sent them money when I could. Because, oh I don’t know, I think women’s healthcare is important. Women having reproductive options is important. Not as important as the right to be armed to the teeth, obviously, but still up there. So, to sum up, I’ve been wonderful to Planned Parenthood.

And not let’s see what they’ve done for me.

When I had my first baby, over seventeen years ago, they did not tell me that I should “plan” on not sleeping for a year. If this isn’t something that Planned Parenthood should advise you about, I don’t know what is. And yes, it’s true, I didn’t seek out their wisdom, but I also didn’t go to the car makers to ask if I should put on my seatbelt. They came to me and let me know. But not Planned Parenthood. Had they warned my about this, I would have gotten pregnant and had a baby at approximately 80. So, that’s Strike One.

Strike Two came with the birth of my son, three years later. Did Planned Parenthood tell me that having kids three years apart in NYC mean that I would be applying to middle school and high school at the same time? Or that my daughter would be applying to college just one year after my son applied to high school and I was still in recovery from the process? No, they did not. Because apparently Planned Parenthood has “better things to do” than guide parents on how not to lose their fucking minds.

The Third Strike just descended on me recently and it’s a fine how-do-you-do. Because my beautiful and lovely 17 year old daughter, who now sleeps all the way through the night, is going away to college next year. And although I am so happy for everything that she has accomplished and the person that she is, I miss her already. And here’s the Fourth Strike against Planned Parenthood. If they’re such experts on women’s health, why couldn’t they have told me that I would be going through peri-menopause-induced weepiness at that exact moment, why?!

I hope that Congress gets to the bottom of this. Before there’s a Fifth strike.

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