About Last Night

by Marinka on September 29, 2010

Last night I went out to dinner with a good friend. It was a lovely restorative evening, marred only by the fact that it didn’t last long enough. Because everyone knows that when you go out, the goal is to come home after the kids are already asleep. Alas, my kids were still awake, so I got to spend those precious moments with them before they drifted off.

And do you know what they told me?

My daughter shared this fantastic quote with me: “Friendship is like peeing on yourself. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.” Now before you nominate her for Poet Laureate, she didn’t make it up. I don’t think it takes away from the sentiment though, do you?

And then I went to say good night to Young Ladrinka.
He was blathering on about the Mets so I transitioned smoothly to asking him if he’d washed his hair. And he said, “no, I never wash it.”

Marinka: What do you mean never?”
YL: I mean never.
Marinka: Why not?
YL: I just stand under the shower and let it go on my hair and then I dry it.
Marinka: Do you know what shampoo is?
YL: Yes.
Marinka: What is it?
YL: That stuff you used to put on my hair when I was little when you washed my hair.
Marinka: But you don’t do it yourself?
YL: No, I never do it.
Marinka: Why not?
YL: …shrug…

DEAR LORD.

Is he fucking with me? Or do I need to take remedial motherhood classes?
I mean, clearly he knows what shampoo is, so it’s not like I’ve been completely neglectful.

One year ago ...

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{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }

the grumbles
Twitter:
September 29, 2010 at 10:24 am

in his defense, i don’t use shampoo either. and neither does my husband. i promise we don’t smell, you’d never even know it.

Reply

Marinka September 29, 2010 at 10:25 am

I must come over and smell you right now.
Do you not use shampoo for religious reasons or because your parents never explained it to you?

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the grumbles
Twitter:
September 30, 2010 at 9:18 am

oh no, they explained it to me. in fact, please don’t tell my mother i told you this, she would be mortified beyond all reason that i don’t wash my hair.

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Tracie
Twitter:
September 29, 2010 at 11:58 am

I have to ask…is there a reason why you don’t use shampoo?

Is there some secret shampoo toxicity that I should know about?

Your hair doesn’t get greasy?

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the grumbles
Twitter:
September 30, 2010 at 9:20 am

i have this freakishly thick hair and it just seems happier when i don’t wash it. by some crazy miracle it doesn’t get greasy. i rinse it with water and maybe wash it once a month.

i know people who don’t wash their hair for hippy reasons but i don’t just because otherwise it poofs up like a pomeranian. the longer i go, the better it looks.

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hokgardner
Twitter:
September 29, 2010 at 10:35 am

My girls know they are supposed to use shampoo, but just last week I discovered that their shampoo bottle was filled with plain old water. So I have no idea how long they’ve been scrubbing their hair with water and nothing else.

Could explain the dreadlocks they’ve developed.

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Finn
Twitter:
September 29, 2010 at 10:47 am

It’s the age. Something happens to their brains and they become allergic to being clean. Just around the time when they really start to stink.

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Zee September 29, 2010 at 10:54 am

Followed by the phase where they take 45 minute showers and use seven different kinds of soaps and shampoos and lotions and potions.

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Yuliya
Twitter:
September 29, 2010 at 11:09 am

How dare you stifle his burgeoning environmentalism, shame on you. NO POO YOUNG LADRINKA WE ARE WITH YOU!

No seriously it’s a ‘thing’, check it out
http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Go-No-Poo/

Reply

Whitney
Twitter:
September 29, 2010 at 11:10 am

Hahaha!!! I think my lil brother did this too! So… Dad shaved his head.

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K-Line September 29, 2010 at 11:24 am

Once a week, when I can’t stand looking at her long, greasy strands, I wash my kid’s hair for her. Hmmm, I sense therapy in the future. She believes that her hair is fine the way it is and that shampoo is “extra effort”. At least your kid has short hair!

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Awesome dude September 29, 2010 at 11:40 am

remedial motherhood classes????
Do not be afraid of that.

BTW, semi-retired Russian gangster walks in and shares another good expression:
“If you are afraid of doing something, do not do it. But if you do it do not be afraid.”

I feel that your daughter has good sense of words.

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magpie September 29, 2010 at 12:08 pm

how does he smell?

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Dino September 29, 2010 at 12:40 pm

Bedbugs has been nudged to second on your list of critter concerns.

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cat fur to make kitten britches September 29, 2010 at 12:45 pm

I too have a 9 yo son who has a similar problem. Only, it isn’t with his hair, but with his face. He simply will not wash his face, and it drives me crazy. I ended up buying him his own bottle of ‘special’ face soap, that no one else was to use. He was excited about the novelty of the soap at first, and was using it regularly, but when I noticed the soap level stopped going down after a time, I realized he’d once again stopped washing his face. And I, once again, had to get on him about it. This seems to be working well so far — until he figures out that he could totally be washing his butt with that soap and I’d be none the wiser.

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suburbancorrespondent
Twitter:
September 29, 2010 at 12:49 pm

With boys, this is a problem easily solved by a trip to the barbershop and a request for a “short” cut (if it is a military place) or a “short short” cut if it is civilian. Boys don’t seem to understand the concept of scrubbing the shampoo into their heads, even if they do use some; they tend to rub it over the top and then rinse it off. And, unlike elementary-aged girls, they aren’t willing to let you help them in the shower with it. Therefore, we save a lot of headaches by keeping their hair a very manly type of short.

Also, I think it looks way cuter.

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Issa
Twitter:
September 29, 2010 at 1:04 pm

I guess if he doesn’t have much hair, maybe it would be better. I think it’s a boy thing though. There were a few years where I’m sure my brother forgot what soap was.

Give him a few years and the first time he gets a girlfriend, you’ll be needing to remind him that cologne doesn’t need to be quite that strong.

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Loukia September 29, 2010 at 1:38 pm

Haha! I’m SURE he’s just kidding… I hope? Or maybe he just, like, uses shampoo every other day… or at least once a week? Listen, if he hasn’t been using shampoo since you bathed him, I’m sure you’d smell it by now, right? So yeah. That’s what I think.
Bath time is so stressful sometimes! My boys freak out when I wash their hair… you’d think I was doing something awful to them with their screams and yells!

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CSY September 29, 2010 at 2:59 pm

You could look at this as a positive, Marinka…lice HATE dirty hair! He could be helping you by doing this as a preventative measure…

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subwow
Twitter:
September 29, 2010 at 3:41 pm

I really LOVE that quote about Friendships. If you’ll excuse me, I am going to dazzle people with my wit with it from now on.

Speaking of no shampoo… I have not purchased any new shampoo for my oldest for about a year… eh… I’ll have to check with him tonight.

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anymommy September 29, 2010 at 4:31 pm

Does he use hand soap? I mean, really, Marinka, there are bigger questions to ask here.

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annie September 29, 2010 at 5:13 pm

So other than peeing on themselves and not using shampoo, how are your children? Is it smelly at your house?

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A Mom on Spin September 29, 2010 at 5:20 pm

I’m not sure my grown daughter uses toothpaste! For some strange reason it makes her gag so she still avoids it at all costs!

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Nic September 29, 2010 at 6:05 pm

It’s a boy thing, don’t panic, he’ll grow out off it.

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Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
Twitter:
September 29, 2010 at 9:57 pm

I was going to say ‘gross’ but my husband has the inverse problem. He uses Irish Spring to wash his hair and balls, but believes the rinse coming off those areas counts as soaping the rest of his body.

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dusty earth mother September 29, 2010 at 10:32 pm

I don’t know where she stole the pee line from but I am now stealing it from her. And did you dare look in Young Ladrinka’s hair or were you too scared? I would have been too scared.

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Keyona
Twitter:
September 29, 2010 at 10:34 pm

True Story: My BFF and her two boys came over last weekend. She had the oldest take a shower. Somehow we were talking about soap and he said he didn’t use any. He then confessed he NEVER uses soap. He just “rinses” off.

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alexandra
Twitter:
September 29, 2010 at 11:21 pm

Oh, yes, never assume anything. NEVER.

I remember when our now 15 yr old was 11, and kept coming downstairs after swearing up and down that he was showered, still, he smelled like an old old old man.

Time after time, he’d answer yes to the question, “are you sure you showered?”

Turns out I wasn’t asking if he was USING the shampoo…I was only asking if he showered.

Problem solved.

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Nadine September 30, 2010 at 1:57 am

I’m sort of speechless, as wow so much information [I’m not sure I can ever shower with Irish Spring again – thank you Erin]. I’m kinda with AnyMommy though — perhaps a specific question re hand soap?

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robbin b September 30, 2010 at 8:34 am

Give him the sniff test after the shower. I have to sniff my 11 year olds head after every shower otherwise there would be no washing of the hair. Ewwww boys!!!

Robbin

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
September 30, 2010 at 1:09 pm

I adore your children. Seriously. Even the one with the stinky head.

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Sophie@Fabrications October 3, 2010 at 11:34 am

Mine will also avoid using soap when washing his hands, if I don’t go with him. Come to think of it, he’ll also avoid the entire “water” thing.

Reply

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