by Marinka on June 28, 2013

The other day I had a brilliant idea and because I am a generous person, I decided to share it with a friend immediately.

“Have you ever noticed that there’s Christian erotica but not Jewish erotica?” I asked.

“What’s Christian erotica?” she asked.

“Well, I’m not entirely sure, but I think it’s erotica where people are having married sex and every once in a while Praise the Lord for their bounty or something like that.”

“Oh,” she said. She didn’t look like was on her way to download any for her Kindle in the immediate future, but you never know.

“So anyway, I’m thinking in testing the market with Jewish erotica. I started working on it this afternoon.”


“Do you want to hear it?”


“Ready? Ok, In the heat of passion, I tossed a bagel at him and to my surprise it landed on his erect member of the tribe and started to spin, the sesame seeds clinging tightly to the gluten hypnotizing me. I wanted him more than I’ve ever wanted another man with a bagel adhesion-“

“Can you stop reading that, please.”



“But it’s good, right?”

“No. No, not right. Wrong. It’s not good. Don’t write Jewish erotica.”

“Why? I think I can really make a goyim of it!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you need to stop. The Jews been through enough.”

And this is how creativity dies. It gets murdered by “friends”.

I didn’t even get to the part about the matzoh balls.

One year ago ...

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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Gdot June 28, 2013 at 9:27 am

I thought ” l’chain” was sort of hebrew dirty talk.
Something you shouted when you were losing your virginity. Again.
But then i thought it was pronounced “L’Hyman”


b a seagull
June 28, 2013 at 10:02 am

He was so impassioned, the bagel toasted.


Awesome dude June 28, 2013 at 11:45 am

The wailing vaginal walls my come to mind.


joeinvegas June 28, 2013 at 2:03 pm

erect member of the tribe ? Good one. Ignore her and keep writing.


Jen Anderson
June 28, 2013 at 3:39 pm

I say go for it and self publish an e-book. There’s a 50 Shades parody, so why not? Just imagine: shmearing cream cheese on each other, spreading her legs to welcome him to the promised land… Let me know if you want a co-author. We can go on a research trip to Zabar’s.


Susan Weinstein June 28, 2013 at 10:33 pm

Erotica that’s Jewish and works ? Try The
Song of Songs, much heavy breathing.


Alexandra June 29, 2013 at 12:07 am

I would not hang this up, because there is so much potential goldmine to be had.

Think what you can do with “gefilte fish.” Who filte? He filte.

Or is it only me…


deborah l quinn
June 29, 2013 at 5:01 am

Lox. Shmear.

Really, is there more to say?


anymommy June 30, 2013 at 12:09 am

Ahahaha. You win. I really wanted him to shmear on the bagel but I thought I shouldn’t goyim there.


deborah l quinn
July 3, 2013 at 2:34 pm

Ha. You win the interwebz with that one.


Lady Jennie June 29, 2013 at 1:16 pm

Have you seen the latest about Christian husbands spanking their wives to discipline them? I’m serious.

But that’s not erotica, that’s … schmutzy. (wait – did I use that word right?)


Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes July 3, 2013 at 10:28 am

I say just go ahead and write it! I’m dying to read about the matzoh balls.


the mama bird diaries
July 4, 2013 at 3:33 pm

how about interfaith erotica?


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