by Marinka on August 16, 2013

There are many ways in which I’ve been lucky (this is where I pause to spit three times over my right shoulder, the Russian way of warding off bad luck and the jinx, and if you know anything about Russians it’s probably what fantastic luck they have, what with Stalin and the labor death camps and all) but the one that really shines through to me is that I’ve always been lucky with friends.

I was never the life of the party, I don’t have a bubbly personality, and yet I somehow, through trickery and illusion, probably, managed to forge friendships with really good people. And by that I mean that they are honest, smart and loyal but not in the “I’ll help you bury the body” way which always sounds like the height of cinematic friendship but doesn’t come up as often as you’d think in every day life (hello, parole officer! Nothing to see here! Move along!) but in a “we’re in it together, let’s work it out” way that does rear its head daily.

My oldest friends I have from college. One lives in Chicago and I see her every few years when she’s in NYC on business, one lives in DC, one outside of Prague, and I saw her when a bunch of us flew to Arizona to celebrate a friend’s birthday (“Arizona is too far!” I whined when I heard of the destination. “Yes, I know,” she told me, so when she booked her flight from Prague, I had less to complain about). One lives in Swarthmore. She is my son’s godmother and we used to see each other a few times a year until real life came into the picture and she became a doctor and had two children herself.

We stopped by to see them last Friday, after we picked up our son from camp. It would break up the drive for us (well, for my husband. I’m purely Miss Daisy, where cars are concerned, what with not knowing how to drive and all that) and I was looking forward to seeing my friend, her partner and their boys.

And I did. And we had a great visit, with much Chardonnay, and laughter and catching up.

But you know how people will talk about friends that they haven’t seen in a while and how “it’s as though no time at all has passed!” when they reunited?

I want so much to say that I felt like that, and of course seeing my friend, and talking about some of our college hi-jinx absolutely had that vibe.

But it was also different. Because spending time with her 3 year old son, I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen him. Or if I had ever met him before. It’s inconceivable, isn’t it? A close friend, who I love. Who is important to me. Who lives maybe two hours away. And yet, I’ve never met one of her children?

Yes, my life is busy, I work, and I have kids and The Real Housewives franchise has really expanded, so there’s lots of TV to watch, but I can’t believe that I am too busy to make room for the important people in my life. I can’t believe I am so busy that I’ve been absent from my friend and her family.

It was a good reminder, overall.

That time passes. And that if I’m lucky, the friendship remains solid. And our reunions are lovely. But that if I want to stay involved in the lives of the people that I love, I have to make an effort. Even if they’re not on Twitter.

Check out this super-funny post from my friend Neil. It has graphic sex! We had dinner together last night, but that’s not what the post is about!

One year ago ...

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

anymommy August 16, 2013 at 11:59 am

Wait … even if they’re not on twitter? What if they’re not on Facebook? (I’m kidding. I love this.)


Susan Partlan August 16, 2013 at 12:43 pm

Well, twitter and facebook really do help when it comes to keeping friends in mind. And texting. I’m closer to my grownup daughter because of texting. (My grownup son doesn’t like social media, so we have to get together IN PERSON).

But you are right about time passing.


Awesome dude August 16, 2013 at 3:34 pm

I do agree that you have great friends, first and that you most likely do not deserve them second.

It may seem like a puzzle, but it is not.

Going back over 60 years ago, I remember my mother articulating it in a very simple rules for me:

“If you do not want to do something, please do not do it.”

“If you do not like somebody, just turn and walk away, do not ask yourself why you do not like him or her.”

Choosing your friends is a completely instinctive process, you have good instincts and are not afraid to use them.

When I asked Nelly R’s son, how she could survive such number of concentration camps as she did, his answer was: “Well, she has good instincts” and he is one of the best neurologists in this country.

Just feel and believe that you are blessed and keep trusting yourself.


August 16, 2013 at 7:00 pm

One of my dearest friends is not on Facebook or Twitter. And it kills me. Not so much because I’m super lazy and always on the internet (but there’s that), it’s that I know SO MUCH MORE about the lives of far less dear friends because they do things like put pictures on Facebook. We see each other at least once year. . .maybe I should demand that she bring photo albums.


Alexandra August 17, 2013 at 8:58 am

Oh yes.

And the stab of guilt.

You are right.



tracy@sellabitmum August 17, 2013 at 2:00 pm

I love this and we all need to make time for good girlfriends. As we age, they are the only ones who truly understand us. xo


Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: