Friendship Probation

by Marinka on May 25, 2010

Recently, I’ve had to place my friend Wendi on Friendship Probation.

Here’s what happened.

My routine on Friday is: Wake up and thank the Lord that it is Friday. Then I ask the Lord to hurry up and make it Monday again, so that the kids can go back to school and leave me the hell alone.

Then I crawl to the computer, check my email and Twitter. Then I look at my favorite blogs. Kelcey posts on Friday, so I always look forward to reading The MamaBird Diaries. Except last Friday morning there was no post. Hmm, I thought. No post from Kelcey? I hope that everything is okay. Why wouldn’t she post? I was worried that something was wrong, but I was trying not to overreact, reminding myself that Kelcey recently moved out of NYC to Appalachia and that internet service could be splotchy. I went about my day, minding my own business, when suddenly (and out of the blue) I got a text from Wendi. Do you know what the text said?

Let’s take a quiz!

a. Hi Marinka! Just a quick text to tell you that I love you and admire you.

b. Hi Marinka! Everything is okay, and it looks like Kelcey is going to have the babies soon! How exciting! I love the miracle of life!

c. Kelcey in hospital.

I’ll end the suspense and tell you that Wendi went with option C. And unfortunately for all of us, her text did not come with a Xanax attachment.

So I did what any normal person would do under the circumstances. I texted an identical message to Heather. Because I’m not going to be the only one panicking and worrying. I can give as good as I get!

Fortunately, Kelcey and her babies are doing really well. Look for yourself! I’m also recovering nicely from Wendi’s text, but it was touch and go there for a while.

Wendi tried to make it up to me by sending me this: (Hint of horror: BMIFC stands for Barry Manilow International Fan Club. I think. It could stand for Barry Manilow Insomniacs for Choice.)

Thank you for joining the BMIFC!

We are glad you are with us!

Recently, Barry created Manilow.TV just for you, his fans. Manilow.TV is a place for Barry
to share videos from his personal performance archives. Each month he chooses a
different, never-before-seen video to share with you!

Because you are a BMIFC member, we would like you to experience Manilow.TV with our
compliments for an entire week…starting today!

Now Wendi is on Friendship Probation to the Second Degree. Because that email showed malice and disregard for human life, to say nothing about the intentional infliction of emotional distress and multiple violations of the Homeland Security Act. And possibly the No Child Left Behind legislation.

One year ago ...

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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

May 25, 2010 at 12:04 pm

I can’t stop laughing.

Friendship Probation. Snort.


May 25, 2010 at 12:17 pm

Yeah. Seriously. She def needs to be on probation.


May 25, 2010 at 12:29 pm

Are you Bethenney or Jill in this scenario? But if you’re Bethenney, I think I’ll be Kelly, instead. Or do you want to be Kelly so you can start a weird drug habit and go jogging on Madison Ave.?

Just don’t make me be Danielle or I’ll have to keep forwarding you my Barry Manilow emails. And nobody wants that to happen…

Humbly yours,


May 25, 2010 at 12:59 pm

I knew Wendi was a trouble-maker the first time i met her. my husband was worried that she was an axe murderer looking to off me in the parking lot of the movie theater, but little did he know she was something worse – a Fanilow! (cue ominous music here)


May 25, 2010 at 1:42 pm

there’s a reason wendi had to leave the state of california. i’ll just leave it at that.


Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
May 25, 2010 at 2:44 pm

You’d better give her visitation or at least one of those ankle bracelets or you’re going to find yourself being serenaded by Barry in the middle of the night. Shudder.


May 25, 2010 at 3:47 pm

Every month, I have at least two friend on Friendship Probation and one in actually jail. Which is why I don’t socialize much. I don’t want to be the friend in jail.


Zee May 25, 2010 at 8:50 pm

Because of the “international” component, I think you might want to contact The Hague.


anymommy May 25, 2010 at 8:51 pm

Friendship probation for sure. Kelcey did a better job of keeping you updated *from the hospital.*


May 25, 2010 at 9:47 pm

This reminds me of Housewives of NYC.


dusty earth mother May 25, 2010 at 10:24 pm

A week of Manilow.TV?! Wendi, dump this ungrateful woman and be my friend!!


tracey May 26, 2010 at 12:05 am

You know, Barry seems like a nice enough guy but I just do NOT get the craze that women have over him! He’s a short man with a large nose and a decent voice! What the hell?!?


Sophie May 26, 2010 at 2:27 am

Ach, friendship probation. I do it too, mostly because the friends in question are not talking to me anymore, and not because they forward emails funny enough to print out and hang on the bathroom door.


Karen at French Skinny May 26, 2010 at 11:38 am

Friendship Probation is so hard sometimes. But often necessary. If things get too rough I can offer my masseuse, Gunther, to help ease your pain. He also makes a wicked latte. Buck up my friend. You can get through this. And a little cyber spanking never hurt anyone.


Kate Coveny Hood
May 26, 2010 at 3:52 pm

I have to move Kelcey up to the top of my reader or I’ll completely miss any updates… I’m (as usual) woefully behind on my reading and since I tent to check my list in alphabetical order, any sites beginning with “the” are currently gathering cobwebs. Good thing I’m just as bad about posting lately, otherwise even I wouldn’t be reading my own blog.


the mama bird diaries
May 26, 2010 at 11:44 pm

Obviously, I’m completely responsible for this. If I hadn’t gotten myself all pregnant with twins and then had the indecency to end up in the hospital, you and Wendi would still be BFF’s. I’m writing out apology notes to both of you. If I can find the stationery under the my breast pump equipment. Give me a couple days. Or a year.

And I’m thinking of new A names for my blog so Kate can find me in her reader.


traci May 27, 2010 at 10:28 am

I am totally Team Jennifer Aniston on this one.


traci May 27, 2010 at 10:29 am

I am totally Team Jennifer Aniston on this one. Or Switzerland.


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