I wasn’t going to post today because I’m working on something very special for later this evening for my blog. Yes, Friday night, when no one’s reading blogs. I know how to drive internet traffic.
But I’m having this problem lately where I don’t understand what people are saying to me.
Like, earlier this month I went to Barnes & Noble to get a copy of The Lonely Polygamist for my book group. And the guy at the information desk looks it up and says, “It’s coming out in paperback in May, so we don’t carry it in hardcover anymore.” And I say, “what?” and he repeats it. And I say, “I heard you, but that doesn’t make any sense.” I mean, I get it, if the book were coming out in paperback in three minutes, but May seems like a far time away. But apparently, he didn’t want to talk marketing strategy with me, so our conversation ended abruptly.
And then last night at my book group. We’re talking about the polygamists and how sharing a husband with other women, while having many benefits, would get very annoying after a while, and naturally we start talking about sex. And one of the women in the book group told us that she heard that the secret to a healthy sexual marriage was a fruit salad and a blow job first thing in the morning. My friend declined to take this advice, claiming not to be a morning person, but I was so confused that I momentarily stopped drinking my wine.
What does that mean? Someone suggested that you have to feed the man fruit salad, with peeled grapes, probably, so that the semen tastes better. Does that mean that you have to get up extra early to make the fruit salad? I’m thinking that you can’t make it the night before, because you know how fruit starts to brown. Then someone suggested that you have the fruit salad yourself, afterwards, as a reward. Is it me, or does fruit salad sound like a “thanks for showing up” kind of reward?
This is driving me crazy. And it’s not exactly the kind of thing that I can ask Mama about. (And I’m trying to forget that Papa reads my blog sometimes.)
What do you think?
One year ago ...
- US Weekly Chat - 2011