by Marinka on June 20, 2013

My son’s birthday is on June 21st, just a few days after school lets out on the East Coast so for years, I planned his birthday party for the last day of school. This was extra stupid of me because in addition to hosting the party, I had to corral the kids with their “WE’RE DONE WITH SCHOOL AND WILL BE FREE ALL SUMMER!” hysteria and school projects that they need help transporting from the school to their home’s trash room. But after last year’s fiasco, I put my foot down. And not just because I was walking.

But I put my foot down and said nyet! to the last day of school birthday party with every single boy in attendance. My nerves just can’t take it. Besides, everyone knows that parties are so much more fun when someone’s excluded.

My son took this news in stride (I repeat, we were walking) and proceeding to make Other Birthday Party Plans.

He said he wanted a smaller party, at which point I nearly snapped my neck in two from vigorous nodding in approval and agreement.

And then he dropped it on me.

“I want to have it at a water park,” he said, as though this was a normal thing to say to your mother.

“What do you mean A WATER PARK?” I tried to remain calm as the horror show of a few years ago flashed before my eyes.

“It’ll be fun,” he said or words to that effect. I couldn’t really hear because there was a lot of screaming inside my head.

Over the next few days I Googled some options. Surprisingly “Safe water parks in Manhattan, preferably with a bar known for great margaritas” didn’t get many results. I did find some water parks on Long Island and also somewhere near Ohio, but in between the sobbing and the trying to make an appointment for myself with Dr. Kevorkian, I just couldn’t make this party happen.

I reached out to loving friend Kelcey for solace and comfort and support.

“You got to shut that water park idea down right now,” she told me. And then said something about not being able to handle the anxiety that it would entail since she just had a baby, her fifth.

Personally, I don’t know what the big deal is. First of all, the baby was born weeks ago. And second of all, you’d think taking a group of 12 year old boys to a water park would be a welcome distraction from the whole newborn stuff. The way I see it, she should be thanking me for this generous opportunity.

Hopefully Kelcey jumps on this before it’s too late and I ask someone else to host my son’s birthday party. Tick tock, Kelcey. And splish splash.

One year ago ...

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

joeinvegas June 20, 2013 at 11:06 am

Get some of those waterproof tracking ankle bracelets they can’t take off, or maybe those shock collars they use on dogs. Go to the park and just let them loose while you read a book and drink ‘coffee’ out of your thermos. When it’s time to go (the thermos is empty) just round them up, or shock them until they show up, and leave.


June 20, 2013 at 12:22 pm

Let me just say that June 21st is absolutely the best day to have a birthday. Congratulations to your son and tell him thanks for the idea – maybe I’ll make all my friends go to a water park to celebrate my 50th tomorrow.


June 20, 2013 at 12:35 pm

Also, I just read the post you linked to and can tell you that you are simply doing waterparks the wrong way. Your HUSBAND is supposed to take the kids to places like this, while you stay home and wait for whatever repairman is (serendipitously) scheduled to show up that day. Break a major appliance if you have to. It’s worth it.


Mama bird diaries
June 20, 2013 at 3:55 pm

Of all the wonderful things people have done for me over the past month… Bringing us baby gifts, making us dinner, offering to help with the other kids… You are the only one to offer me the amazing opportunity to host your son’s water park party. Your friendship has no limits. I’m so touched.


June 21, 2013 at 1:34 am

That’s why you asked to fix that hose! Party in progress 🙂


deb June 20, 2013 at 7:28 pm

oh – i am laughing so hard through this, and not only because it’s hilarious, but because i am currently, at this moment, hosting my son’s 16th bday party (actual day, the 21st!). Since he is 16 and i am an embarrassment, i am hiding inside drinking wine while they play horseshoes and my husband works the grill. All that to tell you, it gets SO much better, even when it’s on 6/21. HOWEVER, last friday night, a mere 6 days ago, i hosted the “end of 6th grade party” for my daughter’s class because “that’s what we did when her older brother finished elementary school” (but no fair, because that was actually a bday party – you know the kind). Twenty 12 year olds running around my yard for 3 hours…i started drinking the minute the last one left (and if this wasn’t on the internet for everyone to see, i’d tell you i started before they left, but i didn’t because, y’know, this info will follow me for the rest of my life).


June 21, 2013 at 12:16 am

Here in So Cal and out in Texas & Colorado communities have pretty sweet water park-like amenities at their rec. centers and YMCAs. Oh, and some of the resort hotels out here have really nice set-ups/germ fests. Hope all your boy’s birthday wishes come true.


deborah l quinn
June 21, 2013 at 2:00 am

Doesn’t that Kelcey person live out there in the suburbs? Which means she has room for a slip-and-slide-to-your-death thingy in her backyard. Or her frontyard, whichever. So she should really get over her selfishness and step up, don’t you think?


Susan Weinstein June 21, 2013 at 2:17 pm

I took son and friend at 13 to water park at Jersey
Shore. You leave them for an hour and a half!
You can have your Margarita. When you pick them up you and kids are happy. Make it one
Special friend they celebrate with. Very cost effective


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