How To Sit Next to a Stranger on a Plane

by Marinka on May 9, 2012

This post is sponsored by Schwinn and contains a sponsored video.

1. Do not introduce yourself at the risk of depriving yourself of the Stranger on The Plane ™ phenomenon that’s all the rage.

2. Let him know that you have a fear of flying, well, not so much flying as crashing, so you may be extra chatty.

3. Ask if he minds if you put on the life vest before the flight takes off to “save time” later.

4. When the flight attendant begins to explain what to do “in case of an emergency” take notes. Underline words such as WATER LANDING and put a frowny face next to it. If you note him watching you, explain that you’re a visual person. And also that you like warm colors, what with being an “Autumn” and all.

5. When the flight attendant says “if you are traveling with someone who requires assistance, put an oxygen mask on yourself first before helping them with theirs” nudge your seatmate and say, “just get it on me the first chance you get.”

6. As the plane is taking off, ask what his favorite jingle is. Sing a few to jog his memory as to the options.

7. If his eyes are closed, ask if he’s asleep. Apologize for waking him up, but how were you supposed to know that he was sleeping.

8. Ask if the plane is moving. It doesn’t feel like it’s moving.

9. Ask if he likes games. Ask him to guess what number you’re thinking of. Say “lower” and “higher” randomly.

10. Order wine.

11. Apologize for mistaking him for a sommelier.

12. Ask if he’s ever been to the city you’re traveling to before and if he can recommend a nice family there that you can “get to know better.”

13. Add “if you know what I mean” to that last sentence. Eh, what the heck. Add “if you know what I mean” to any sentence you want.

14. Ask if you’re going to be friends after the plane lands or if this relationship is just one of those “flying high” things.

15. Ask how come when he asked the flight attendant if he could sit in another row, he didn’t ask for two seats together.

16. As the plane lands, confess that you are disappointed in how the relationship turned out.

17. When deplaning, let him know that “we’ll always have Row 17!” Feel free to add “If you know what I mean.”

Or, maybe, just ride a bike to your destination instead.

0saves
If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed.

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Marta
Twitter:
May 9, 2012 at 11:05 am

Lol, Marinka that was hilarious really. You sound like possibly the worst plane seat mate ever. If I had some cajones, why I just might do it for the fun of it, you know what I mean?

   0 likes

Reply

Issa
Twitter:
May 9, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Here I thought the woman I flew next to on Sunday was bad. The one who kept telling me what she was imagining. You know, the guy falling out of the bathroom still peeing if we hit a bump too fast.

She was so fun.

   0 likes

Reply

Loukia May 9, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I wish I could ride a bike everywhere, instead. I LOVED this post, Marinka. I hate flying. Ativan helps . I also HATE talking to people sitting next to me, unless they’re my friends or family members. When I’m next to a stranger, I will cover myself in a blanket and become a cocoon until the plane lands. I also eat as much as I can on the plane, so if we crash, I will have the energy to tread water for hours on end. I also always practice treading water in pools and in the ocean, so I’m even MORE ready for when diaster strikes. Did I say Ativan is my friend? It totally is.

   0 likes

Reply

Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes May 10, 2012 at 7:19 am

I just can’t wait till my next flight!

   0 likes

Reply

Susan Case May 10, 2012 at 10:25 am

This is hilarous! Following you from Million Moms Challenge. Hope you’ll visit my blog sometime: Kindergarten & Preschool for Parents & Teachers. Have a great day! Maybe I’ll try flying again now that I know these coping strategies.

   0 likes

Reply

Awesome Dude May 10, 2012 at 11:01 am

Did not have a bicycle ride for 50 years, but still have a desire. “If you know what I mean.”

   0 likes

Reply

alaina
Twitter:
May 10, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Ha, I am grateful to never have sat by anyone like this before.

   0 likes

Reply

deb May 11, 2012 at 6:59 pm

love to bike. hate to fly. you can meet strangers out on the trail too, if you know what i mean.

   0 likes

Reply

Lady Jennie May 12, 2012 at 12:27 pm

You forgot BO. It’s important to have really pungent BO.

   0 likes

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: