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1. Do not introduce yourself at the risk of depriving yourself of the Stranger on The Plane ™ phenomenon that’s all the rage.
2. Let him know that you have a fear of flying, well, not so much flying as crashing, so you may be extra chatty.
3. Ask if he minds if you put on the life vest before the flight takes off to “save time” later.
4. When the flight attendant begins to explain what to do “in case of an emergency” take notes. Underline words such as WATER LANDING and put a frowny face next to it. If you note him watching you, explain that you’re a visual person. And also that you like warm colors, what with being an “Autumn” and all.
5. When the flight attendant says “if you are traveling with someone who requires assistance, put an oxygen mask on yourself first before helping them with theirs” nudge your seatmate and say, “just get it on me the first chance you get.”
6. As the plane is taking off, ask what his favorite jingle is. Sing a few to jog his memory as to the options.
7. If his eyes are closed, ask if he’s asleep. Apologize for waking him up, but how were you supposed to know that he was sleeping.
8. Ask if the plane is moving. It doesn’t feel like it’s moving.
9. Ask if he likes games. Ask him to guess what number you’re thinking of. Say “lower” and “higher” randomly.
10. Order wine.
11. Apologize for mistaking him for a sommelier.
12. Ask if he’s ever been to the city you’re traveling to before and if he can recommend a nice family there that you can “get to know better.”
13. Add “if you know what I mean” to that last sentence. Eh, what the heck. Add “if you know what I mean” to any sentence you want.
14. Ask if you’re going to be friends after the plane lands or if this relationship is just one of those “flying high” things.
15. Ask how come when he asked the flight attendant if he could sit in another row, he didn’t ask for two seats together.
16. As the plane lands, confess that you are disappointed in how the relationship turned out.
17. When deplaning, let him know that “we’ll always have Row 17!” Feel free to add “If you know what I mean.”
Or, maybe, just ride a bike to your destination instead.
One year ago ...
- Puberty - 2011