So, you’ve decided to take an escalator! Congratulations! This is going to be an awesome day. Just follow these simple instructions and soon you’ll be on your way, either up or down!
1. Walk onto the escalator. Do not pause in front of the escalator and ponder your life, this week’s episode of Project Runway or who it was that first invented escalators. Just step on! STEP ON. Because there are people behind you and as you reflect on life and all of God’s creatures, they hate you.
2. Once you’re on, you have to make a decision. Do you want to stand on the escalator and have it magically move you to your destination? Or are you going to use the escalator as your magical treadmill and walk up the said escalator.
3. If you’re going to stand still, stand to the right. You can tell where the right is because YOU ARE OLDER THAN FOUR. If you are going to walk up the moving escalator, walk up the left side. The part where people are not standing.
4. If you are a huge asshole, stand in the middle, blocking everyone’s way.
Disclosure: This post is sponsored by my morning commute. And inspired by AlphaMom’s Guide To Everything series.
One year ago ...