I Have Alarming News

by Marinka on November 10, 2011

I spent last night packing for my long weekend trip to Arizona.

I packed yoga wear, and hiking gear and a champagne flute and then had a crisis because my mah jongg case did not fit into my suitcase and I didn’t want to check my suitcase for $25 so that I could carry on my mah jongg case. What? I haven’t mentioned that I’ve been playing mah jongg? Oh, just you wait. Bam! Crack! That post is definitely coming.

But then Husbandrinka came home and let me borrow his big and manly suitcase (that is still sensitive enough to be classified as carry-on by the TSA!) and my mah jongg case fit in perfectly, so I relaxed.

And we settled in to watch The Daily Show. And for some reason, Jon Stewart had a map of the United States up and I asked Husbandrinka if he knew where Arizona was. And because he’s a huge show-off, he did.

“It’s right there on the bottom,” he said.

“That’s Texas,” I corrected him. Even I know not to mess with Texas.

“No, next to California,” he explained.

As a matter of fact, according to this so-called “map”, Arizona was actually touching California. A little bit inappropriately, if you ask me.

Holy shit.

Has Arizona always been so far away?

Because that’s the type of information that would be good to know before I committed to flying there. You know, so that I could adjust my dosage.

So then, just as I’m processing this news, John Stewart is saying something how they are unfriendly to immigrants in Arizona. Which is really the last thing that I need right now.

Because I’m an immigrant. Ich bin ein immigrant. And sure, I always assumed that my parents came to the United States legally but what if they’d climbed over the Iron Curtain and now here I am? I’m really not in a mood to be deported this weekend.

I’m so stressed out about all of this, I may need to take a few extra days at the spa.

Wish me luck.

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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

Megan November 10, 2011 at 11:12 am

It tickled me to no end that the ad at the bottom of this post in my feed reader was for “citizenship services.” Gotta love contextual ads.

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cranky old man
Twitter:
November 10, 2011 at 11:27 am

THis is obviously an old map as there is no mention of casinos in the great state of Yuck!

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Polish Mama on the Prairie
Twitter:
November 10, 2011 at 11:44 am

I like that on your map, I went from living in “Where the Wire Takes Place/Delaware Maybe” (Maryland, btw & I got to watch the filming of Season 3 firsthand) to “New York Jr.”. And that my beloved West Virginia has a note “Stay Out”.

Can I tell you that I now have a visual of your mother talking about mice, plastic bags over her head and adult diapers while climbing over an Iron Wall/Curtain with kneehigh pantyhose on whiile throwing over a black purse loaded with potatoes and vodka. Does she wear kneehigh pantyhose? I’m assuming here but I’m sure I’m wrong.

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meekasmommy November 10, 2011 at 11:51 am

My c0-worker has that exact same map posted above her desk, it cracks me up every time I look at it 😉

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Issa
Twitter:
November 10, 2011 at 12:13 pm

I’m laughing. I love somewhere around Montana 2 and Ski Resorts getting all intimate.

I get it though. I’m from Los Angeles. For me it was South California, North California and west was well not California.

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Issa
Twitter:
November 10, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Sigh. I LIVE!

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Tasha
Twitter:
November 10, 2011 at 12:47 pm

I love that map! Don’t worry about the whole immigrant thing. You are more American than plenty of people that were born here are!

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Alexandra
Twitter:
November 10, 2011 at 1:09 pm

You know, I’ll leave it up to you to change the glaring error of not having WISCONSIN anywhere on there.

Important Facts about Wisconsin:

Favorite blogger: Marinka

Favorite website: MotherhoodinNYC

Favorite Online Family: Marinka, Husbandrinka, Ladrinka, daughter, Nicki, Awesome Dude, Mama

State Book: Wanted: Cat

But, I know you knew this.

It’s for the OTHER peoples that read this blog. *Though they don’t do it as well as the people in WI do it. And we say it, “as good as the people of WI do it” but I used the “as well” b/c you’re in NY and all.

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GrandeMocha
Twitter:
November 10, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Does that map mean Michigan is in Canada?

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erin@mommyonthespot November 10, 2011 at 7:11 pm

That map is the best!!

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
November 10, 2011 at 10:26 pm

I am really loving that map. I think that’s the same map the pilots use. Good luck!

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Glamamom
Twitter:
November 10, 2011 at 11:36 pm

That map is hilarious…”Fatties? Wine vacations?! Ha! Exactly what I see when I close my eyes.

Stay safe.

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deborah l quinn
Twitter:
November 11, 2011 at 7:36 am

Be careful out there in Arizona wherever the hell it is. I think it’s the state that has the Grand Canyon? Which is really the only reason I can think to go there. Other than a spa, I guess, which is sort of like the UN, isn’t it? Spas exist in their own realm, separate from pesky things like immigration politics and, oh, shooting politicians who say progressive things. Just keep your head down and consider wearing a Barry Goldwater for President button. At least in the airport.

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Becky
Twitter:
November 11, 2011 at 7:46 am

Love the map.

Say hi to Sherrif Arpaio — or perhaps he will respond better to “heil”. You should be safe. He seems to channel his not-one-of-us hate to immigrants of a Latino nature. But take your papers, just to be sure.

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awesome dude November 11, 2011 at 10:34 am

About the suitcase.

My mother always said: For the woman, it is better to be married…………….

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Dawn
Twitter:
November 11, 2011 at 11:00 am

I just have to let you know I showed this map to my husband (he and I moved to MISSOURI – the state that really does have Kansas City – from Florida over 20 years ago) and he and I can’t stop laughing. I particularly appreciate your confusion about Nebraska – much to the great chagrin of my fellow Kansas Citians, it took me the better part of 2 years to figure out where the hell that state is.) Anyway, I am sharing this link with my fellow East-Coasters via Facebook, because, really, we ALL get it! Thanks for giving us a nice chuckle to start our weekend!

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Anna Lefler
Twitter:
November 11, 2011 at 11:50 am

The more you deny it, the more it will conquer you.

*Motions seductively from the West Coast*

XO

A.

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Phoenix Rising
Twitter:
November 11, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Like Alexandra, I, too, am from Wisconsin. And we like cheese. That alone should be reason enough to have our state labeled on your map. I’ve also played countless hours of mah jongg… but only on the computer. My question to you is this… who has to set up all those tiles??

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joeinvegas November 11, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Anybody going to Arizona should up their dose. We do, and we can see it from here.

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tracy@sellabitmum
Twitter:
November 11, 2011 at 5:47 pm

YAY YOU LOVE MINNESOTANS!!!! So glad you’re not a Kardashian.

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Ilana
Twitter:
November 12, 2011 at 12:30 am

At this point, my 23 month old knows the states better than I do. I’m not even joking.

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Loukia November 13, 2011 at 11:36 pm

Florida looks like an ugly p – – – – .

This map is hilarious. Yes, even though I’m Canadian, I found it hilarous. Also, when I left my children for three nights to go to San Diego this past summer? I felt like I was going to the moon, it seemed so far away!

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Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes November 14, 2011 at 7:06 am

I love that map! Do you have a similar one for Europe?

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annie November 15, 2011 at 10:12 am

I love this map but NEVER NEVER NEVER call Oklahoma any form of Montana. We have gorgeous mountains, pristine rivers and world class ski resorts. Oh and also, no humidity. They just have tornados and dust bowls.

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