I Support MADD. But I’m Against Kristallnacht

by Marinka on November 25, 2009

I support MADD. And to the extent that you look to me for spiritual, moral and charitable guidance, I encourage you to consider supporting MADD, as well. But I don’t support this.

One of my proudest achievements is that I weaned all my friends from sending me crap emails.  So imagine my surprise when the other day I get this load forwarded to me:

I went to a  party,
And  remembered what you said.
You  told me not to drink, Mum
So  I had a Sprite instead.

Nice Sprite placement! Although you could have had a V-8!  Back to the Poetry!

I  felt proud of myself,
The  way you said I would,
That  I didn’t drink and drive,
Though  some friends said I should.

I’m sorry, is this person eight years old?

And  your advice to me was right,
The  party finally ended,
And  the kids drove out of sight.

Yeah, thank god the party ended. Because it seemed to last an eternity.

I  got into my car,
Sure  to get home in one piece,
I  never knew what was coming, Mum
Something  I expected least.

Really? Because I saw this from a mile away.

Now  I’m lying on the pavement,
And  I hear the policeman say,
The  kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mum,  his voice seems far away.
My  own blood’s all around me,
As  I try hard not to cry.
I  can hear the paramedic say,
This  girl is going to die.

Why, why? Why would someone who can rhyme so well, be taken from us, straight to hell?
(I’m sorry! It’s not my fault that I’m not a poet. And you know it.)
P.s. If you’re on your deathbed, or death-pavement, as the case may be, I think it’s ok to cry.

I’m  sure the guy had no idea,
While  he was flying high,
Because  he chose to drink and drive,
Now  I would have to die.
So  why do people do it, Mum
Knowing  that it ruins lives?
And  now the pain is cutting me,
Like  a hundred stabbing knives.
Someone  should have taught him,
That  it’s wrong to drink and  drive.
Maybe  if his parents had,
I’d  still be alive.
My  breath is getting shorter, Mum
I’m  getting really scared.
These  are my final moments,
And  I’m so unprepared.
I  wish that you could hold me Mum,
As  I lie here and die.
I  wish that I could say, ‘I love you, Mum!’
So  I love you and good-bye.

So I’m thinking that I sort of get the Don’t Drink and Drive message without having a semi-literate British young ‘un sending me email forwards to her mother from beyond the grave.  I read The Lovely Bones, so I know that dead people are watching us from the sky, but I’d just as soon if they were more Guardian Angel and less Guilt Me Into Forwarding Spam.

Lest you think that’s all there was to the email, it went on. They want me to forward this goodness to everyone I know so that we all sign the petition that Drunk Driving is bad. You know, all my friends who previously thought that drunk driving was good.

If you receive this petition and do nothing but delete it, your selfishness knows no bounds.

What is this, Jewish Mothers Against Drunk Driving? JMADD.
(By the way, some intense research, i.e. Googling, reveals that this is not a MADD-approved email. Thank goodness.)

Oh, but wait. My inbox had more in store for me this week.

Remember John’s friend, The Lady Ashfield? Who was poised to become this blog’s co-gay? Well, over the weekend, he emails me this:

Kristallnacht

TODAY AND TOMORROW IS THE ANNIVERSARY OF KRISTALLNACHT. IT WAS THE START OF THE HOLOCAUST. PLEASE PASS THIS ON.

IN MEMORY

I thought you would be interested in moving this on toward the 6 million people needed to match the number killed in the Holocaust……



First of all, that Menorah is giving me seizures.

Second of all, does the whole forward it to six million people, because that’s how many Jews were murdered in the Holocaust idea make sense to anybody else?

Anyone who’s not on acid, I mean.

Because if I am murdered, as a result of genocide, for example, I can guarantee that I will not give a shit if you spam someone in my honor. Unless you do it with a poem that was “written” by me, I suppose.

It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe ended. This e-mail is being sent as a memorial chain, in memory of the six million Jews who were massacred . Now, more than ever, with Iran, among others, claiming the Holocaust to be “a myth,” it is imperative to make sure the world never forgets.
This e-mail is intended to reach six million people worldwide!
Join us and be a link in this memorial chain and help us distribute it around the world.
Please send this e-mail to people you know and ask them to continue this memorial chain.

So, by this logic, shouldn’t we send this email to the people in Iran? Because nothing will refute Iran’s stupidity like a e-chain letter.

And also, groan. For those of you who didn’t see Lady Gaga’s performance on Sunday night at the American Music Awards in honor of Kristallnacht, isn’t it so awkward when you get a Kristallnacht email from someone before you have a chance to get the Kristallnacht cards out for the season.  

But then, what’s this?  The Lady Ashfield sent a follow up email, letting me know that Kristallnacht was actually on November 9 to 10, 1938.  So we’re like over a year late for the big 60 commemoration.

Nice.

So the lesson is, don’t send me Spam. And definitely don’t drink and drive. Or vandalize Jewish people’s homes and business.

Have a happy, safe holiday, everyone! See you soon.
__________________

Kids off from school and you’re terrified? One of my favorite funny ladies has some great tips for you. You’re welcome.

One year ago ...

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Kathy November 25, 2009 at 1:30 am

I hate those quilt forwards…..I always delete. I already know I’m going to hell according to my mother in law. Happy Thanksgiving!

Reply

Beth November 25, 2009 at 7:12 am

Your forwards sound better than the ones I get from my Republican friends. Their stupidity can be astounding!
.-= Beth´s last blog ..The post where I get to make fun of a friend =-.

Reply

Kabbalah Rookie November 25, 2009 at 7:21 am

Reading the poem really gives me the shivers – not something I would want to forward on to anyone else. What a downer to send on to your friends!
LOL at the line ‘didn’t have time to get the Kristallnacht cards out for the season’
Actually I laughed at too many lines to list them all out individually. I’m lazy that way…

Reply

Vicki
Twitter:
November 25, 2009 at 8:35 am

A couple of points:

1) I get forwards all the time. Usually from the fam, in Russian, and they are usually 10MB Powerpoint presentations about The Wonders of Israel, The Evil of Muslims, or both combined. I have no idea how to stop them from coming, except maybe ridiculing them on my blog soon, as well.

2) When I was in 7th grade we got the MADD presentation, and I told my friend that I’d create an association called DAMM-Drunks Against Mad Mothers

This post is awesome.
.-= Vicki´s last blog ..China, the US and the Trade Deficit =-.

Reply

Marinka November 25, 2009 at 9:09 am

I used to get the Israel/Muslim forwards and jokes but I had an animated discussion with papa about state-run nursing homes vs. living with beloved family, and they stopped.

Reply

MommyGeek
Twitter:
November 25, 2009 at 9:34 am

Ok, so I don’t want to admit this, but I totally cried at that stupid, badly written poem. Goddamit. I am an emotional mess.

The whole rest of the post was totally funny though, almost as funny as me crying at the poem but then also sort of laughing at the rest of this post, which made me look like some sort of deranged person.
.-= MommyGeek´s last blog ..Growing Up =-.

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Jen November 25, 2009 at 11:15 am

My mother-in-law sends me emails exactly like that first one all the time. I’m not sure what her aim is. I’m 32 years old. I don’t drive drunk. I couldn’t be less of a teen drunk driver if I tried. If I know her at all though she’s probably just trying to instill the fear of death in me. It’s her subtle way of saying “Enjoy being married to my son you child stealer. Any day now pain could cut you like a thousand stabbing knives and you won’t even be able to cry for some reason!!!”
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Nice customer service T-Mobile =-.

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magpie November 25, 2009 at 3:36 pm

I promise that I will never send you spam, because I don’t want to be publicly mocked.
.-= magpie´s last blog ..When Smart Technology Backfires =-.

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Suzy
Twitter:
November 25, 2009 at 4:44 pm

Let’s not forget the other 5 million that were killed by the Nazis. 11 million total killed in the Holocaust. But you and I are from Russian backgrounds and our very own Stalin killed 20 million people. But does HE get a chain letter?

Your comments were so hilarious I was forced to read the entire email and now I’m very mad at you for that.
.-= Suzy´s last blog ..Where Did All The Bloggers Go? =-.

Reply

the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
November 25, 2009 at 10:09 pm

I hate spam that actually tries to make you feel guilty. Ick. That poem is awful.

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Masala Chica
Twitter:
November 26, 2009 at 1:49 pm

I was feeling pretty mellow before, but your post got me riled up. You’re absolutely right. I realize what a victim of meaningless SPAM I am (hey that rhymed – maybe I should write a poem and send it out to everybody). It’s like chain letters on crack. And there is always the message somewhere within – if you don’t spread the message you’re just a horrible, horrible person.
Well – if I stopped to spread the message every time, i would quickly lose all my friends.

what a pain in my bum.

Reply

anna see November 28, 2009 at 7:31 pm

JMADD???? You are freaking hilarious.

I’ll try not to spam you in the near future.
.-= anna see´s last blog ..Black Friday Blues? =-.

Reply

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