I’d Rather You Wear Fur Than Go Naked

by Marinka on December 21, 2009

No offense, of course.  But the number of people that I want to see naked is pretty short.

But this isn’t about nudity, it’s about fur.

Through no fault of my own, I have a fur coat.

It’s because I’m a nice and polite person which means that sometimes I have to lie nonstop just to keep the peace.

Take my mother-in-law, for example.

Three years ago, she said to me, “Take a look at my fur coat, it’s in the closet, do you like it?”

So of course, I said “yes.”  I mean, is saying “no” an option under these circumstances?  This is the woman who gave birth to Husbandrinka!  Without whom my beautiful children would not exist?  Am I supposed to disrespect her and defecate on her coat?

I couldn’t do it.

“Oh, good,” she said.  “I want you to have it.”  Because since they moved from New Jersey to North Carolina, it’s hasn’t been as chilly and she doesn’t need it.

“Thank you so much!” I said.  I put it on and was instantly transformed into Joan Collins.  It’s a very 80’s fur coat, with pronounced shoulders.  I put it in my closet and forgot about it.

I had no reason to wear it, really.  I use the subway most days and fur doesn’t seem to be subwaywear.

Besides, what if those PETA lunatics targeted me?  After what they’d done to poor Anna Wintour, I didn’t want to risk it.  The Devil and I both wore furs, after all.

“Did you have a chance to wear the fur?” my mother-in-law called to ask, circa 2007.

“Oh yes!” I told her, adjusting my tankini.

I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

But on Saturday night, as New York snowed as it hadn’t snowed since the last time it snowed, and we were headed out to a party, I donned the fur.  It fit like a glove.  A full-body-glove made of fur.

“You look like a beaver,” my daughter said.

“Or a brown bear,” Young Ladrinka piped in.  “Can you roar?”

“Roar,” I obliged.

It was soft.  It was warm. It was fantastic.

I need a hat to go with it.

I have my eye on Nicki.

One year ago ...

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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

p-huong December 21, 2009 at 1:15 am

I was going to offer you my friend’s dog. It’s SO spoiled. It won’t eat unless you spoon feed it.

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SweetPeaSurry
Twitter:
December 21, 2009 at 1:46 am

Right on … I have a mink stoll (stole?) anyway … a shoulder wrap. It has a matching muff! I inherited mine as well, from my grandmother, rest her soul.

I love it!!! I wear it in the fall when there’s just a bite to the air. (again … just a shoulder wrap … no good for 10 feet of snow and 40 below weather)

Just enjoy it … and keep your nose tuned for the scent of paint!

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Heather (qtberryhead) December 21, 2009 at 1:52 am

LIE!
If anyone tries to insult your taste in outerwear simply tell them it is a remarkable fake.
On the justification front…your MIL obviously thought enough to give you her fur coat and not an actual stuffed beaver, or ferret, or armadillo…and the animal(s) that gave their life to make the coat would surely rather you wear it than toss it…or whatever else you might do with it.

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jessica December 21, 2009 at 2:15 am

very brave to wear fur in NYC. Then again, maybe it would look more new milleneum with some red paint on it.

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Halala Mama
Twitter:
December 21, 2009 at 5:06 am

Run Nicki, RUN!!

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Maureen@IslandRoar December 21, 2009 at 8:28 am

I always thought a nice sized square of fur from each of my pets over the years would make a really nice soft warm quilt, and nostalgic too. I’d wait till they were gone of course. Unless it got REALLY cold.
So I understand your thoughts on Nicki…

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Jeanette December 21, 2009 at 8:36 am

Oh LOL! Where’s the photo? Sounds lovely! LOL at the kids reaction

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Tracey December 21, 2009 at 9:32 am

I love it! Besides, what are you supposed to do with it? Throw it away? Talk about wasting the animals’ lives, right?

And yes. You need a picture to accompany this post.

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GrandeMocha
Twitter:
December 21, 2009 at 9:40 am

I wear fur lined, leather gloves in the winter in Michigan. Sounds bad when it isn’t cold but when it is, my hands are very warm. Stay warm, wear fur!

Can we have a video of you modeling it like Vanna White?

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Marinka December 21, 2009 at 9:43 am

What are you all, crazy? A photo? A VIDEOTAPE?
Please.
Why don’t I just put up a sex tape and get it over with.

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kiki
Twitter:
December 21, 2009 at 9:59 am

phew! i was afraid i would have read about a can of red spray paint and your luxurious fur coat towards the end of your post. my aunt has a few furs. i feel bad for the critters, but they look so dang good on her. take care.

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Selfish Mom
Twitter:
December 21, 2009 at 10:00 am

Hilarious.

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Beth December 21, 2009 at 10:31 am

Despite having moved to Florida, my MIL still has her mink coat. She has promised that coat to me. I’m still working out where I’m going to hide that thing.

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anna see December 21, 2009 at 10:41 am

I am glad you chose not to defecate on your MIL’s coat.

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magpie December 21, 2009 at 10:43 am

Oh, poor Nicki. But wait, does she go well with the existing coat? If she clashes, spare her and find a better match.

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Marinka December 21, 2009 at 10:48 am

She does clash a little. But going out to get a new cat seems a little extreme, don’t you think?
Maybe I’ll Nice ‘N Easy her in Luxurious Mink Brown.

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GrandeMocha
Twitter:
December 21, 2009 at 10:55 am

Take the coat with you to the pet store so you can color coordinate. I’d LOVE secret spy video of that!

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Maddnessofme December 21, 2009 at 1:09 pm

I am UNFOLLOWING you.

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Reiven December 21, 2009 at 3:59 pm

seriously?

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Lindsey December 22, 2009 at 8:32 am

LMFAO peace and hair grease… hair grease made of some animal bi-product.

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Pop and Ice
Twitter:
December 21, 2009 at 1:37 pm

I have a coat, too, willed to me and in storage. I will not wear it as I’m allergic and don’t need to look any poofier than I already am. Don’t know what to do with it, though. So it just sits in storage, costing us yearly storage bills until I make up my mind.

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Marinka December 21, 2009 at 1:42 pm

This is why wearing it is the most economical solution. Too bad you’re allergic, though. Maybe you should give it to me. You know, to save money.

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OHmommy
Twitter:
December 21, 2009 at 2:16 pm

Your daughter has a witty eye for observations. I wonder where she gets that from?

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amy2boys
Twitter:
December 21, 2009 at 3:47 pm

I knew someone would unfollow you. It’s not like you went out and bought one for heaven’s sake. I wouldn’t do that either. But shouldn’t “previously-owned fur” be OK? I mean shit, you can’t unmake that coat and reskin those little animals, yo.

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traci December 21, 2009 at 4:06 pm

My favorite part of living in NJ is wearing my ankle length fox to bed bath and beyond. Nobody even blinks at me. It’s like, typical Jersey houseware shopping attire.

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Loukia December 21, 2009 at 9:42 pm

Haha! Good for you for wearing it! In this type of weather – we NEED to be warm! It’s all about survival! Oh, okay.. and looking good, too! 🙂

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Dolli-Mama December 22, 2009 at 10:10 am

I stumbled on your site via Scary Mommy, and I can totally relate! My grandmother has a mink coat with a matching hat and gloves. My grandpa actually trapped all the minks and had the coat custom made! It is beautiful, but PETA would kill me and turn me into a coat if I wore it. Every single time I visit her she makes me try it on, talks about how well it fits me, and reminds me that she is giving it to me in her will! The only upside is currently I live in Texas and have no need for mink.

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
December 22, 2009 at 10:34 pm

I really need a photo of you as Joan Collins. Then my life would be complete.

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