If You Think Facebook is Bad, Just Wait

by Marinka on January 1, 2010

Parental Discretion Advised!  Not for children! Or those easily offended/with strong gag reflex!  Happy New Year!

I spent my New Year’s Eve sending Facebook messages to my daughter who was sitting in the next room and ignoring me, because she was playing Bubble Town or something.  Apparently, it requires a lot of concentration.

And because I am ambivalent about Facebook, I have  not bookmarked it on my computer, so every time I access it, I have to type it into my Google search box.  Except yesterday,  I accidentally typed in ‘Faceboom’ and then I thought, eh, close enough for government work, and hit enter.

Because what I expected to see was “Did you mean Facebook?”  Which is Google’s way of giving you a second chance.

And I did, indeed, see that.  But below that I saw something else:

I'm sorry. And Happy New Year!

Holy mother.

But once you see something like this, it’s really hard to unsee it, so I did what any normal person would do: I warned everyone on Twitter not to Google Faceboom.  And then, while they were Googling it, I went to tell Mama.

“Guess what Faceboom is?” I asked her.

“Sperm on face,” she guessed.

“No.”

“I don’t want to know.”

“It’s when someone takes their nose and inserts it into someone else’s anus.”

“Is this for gay people?”

“The site didn’t say.  I think it can be anyone.”

“Why would people do this? I feel nausea and not happy.”

“I think it said that it was to stimulate pooping.”

“Like in case of constipation?”

“I’m not sure, I think it’s more for fun.”

“I think TV is fun, not nose in anus.”

Sure, but what about when it’s all reruns, all the time, Mama?

One year ago ...

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{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }

Terri January 1, 2010 at 1:12 am

Putting faceboom aside for the moment (or forever) … 8977 messages in your inbox ?? Seriously???

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pam January 1, 2010 at 4:21 am

OH MY GOD!!! Can Mama come to my house this year? I really could use the comic relief. If not could you write about her every day? thanks

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Yvette January 1, 2010 at 9:14 am

I love your Mom, she tells it like it is!
Happy New Year

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foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) January 1, 2010 at 10:41 am

I believe when it comes to facebooming, better reruns than the runs.

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JulieBouf January 1, 2010 at 10:44 am

Google is amazing. My husband once wanted to know why he farted so much. He typed into Google “Why do I..” and before he even finished typing it had an answer for him. Try it – just type Why do I. It’s freaking phychic (at least in regards to his question)

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Tiffany January 1, 2010 at 10:52 am

urban dictionary might be one of my funniest finds of the year…or last year, i guess

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Coco
Twitter:
January 1, 2010 at 11:17 am

To each his own but gag…..

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Maureen@IslandRoar January 1, 2010 at 11:26 am

Well at least you can say you started off the new year with a learning experience! And how nice of you to share it with Mama…

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barbara sigelbaum
Twitter:
January 1, 2010 at 12:07 pm

What a delightful visual to begin the new year with. I am thinking of withdrawing my facebook request to you. (and not because you have ignored it.) Kidding. I would still be honored.

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Pop and Ice
Twitter:
January 1, 2010 at 12:16 pm

Thanks for the timely update so that I can keep up with my kids and their “language”. Also, I think I’ll skip breakfast.

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JennK January 1, 2010 at 12:21 pm

Oh, the internets. You can find anything there. Even something you never meant to learn. Hey, at least you didn’t Google Image it!

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Tanya January 1, 2010 at 12:29 pm

Thanks …. I actually hurt myself running into the other room to tell my husband what Faceboom was …. and then we googled it together.

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kiki
Twitter:
January 1, 2010 at 1:41 pm

i learn something new every day when i read your posts. thank you. i will tell hubby about “faceboom” when he returns from his mountain biking ride. take care,

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Catherine
Twitter:
January 1, 2010 at 3:22 pm

I want to know who was the first to faceboom. And why. I mean, it doesn’t strike me immediately as erotic (nor hygienic). Maybe it was a mistake (“Oh, oops – sorry!”), and then a lightbulb went on over someone’s head and they said “HEY, now – weren’t we looking for something new to do?” And a new perversion was born. It’s a beautiful world.

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anymommy January 1, 2010 at 4:15 pm

“I feel nausea and not happy” also. Love you and your funny, funny stories. Me likey. Oh, wait strike that. I jest.

Happy New Year!!

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Jeanne January 1, 2010 at 6:01 pm

So I wonder why they don’t call that a nosejob?

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Madge January 1, 2010 at 6:11 pm

I’m with Mama.

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Jenn @ Juggling Life January 1, 2010 at 6:47 pm

Bookmark it before you type “Facbeook” and push enter. Holy Mother of God is all I’m saying.

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Wendi
Twitter:
January 1, 2010 at 7:04 pm

I’d rather be Faceboomed than watch “Gary Unmarried.” But don’t tell Kelcey.

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reiven January 2, 2010 at 3:02 pm

I’d have to agree that it would be better to be faceboomed than to watch that crap (heehee) “butt” anything would be better than being the faceboomer!

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elenka January 1, 2010 at 9:07 pm

I can’t even believe someone had to make up a word for that! HOW did that even happen!! Is it April fools already?

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anna see January 1, 2010 at 10:49 pm

Dear Lord! Certainly didn’t expect to be thus enlightened on Jan 1. What else will this year hold? I’m w/ Mama– tv is the best.

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Lindsey January 1, 2010 at 11:23 pm

I said to BD while I read this “Hey, do you know what Faceboom is?” “no” so I tell him. He pauses and responds with “Where the FUCK do you find this sick shit? Seriously I think it’s time to take you off the internet” LMFAO if only he knew it was just Little ol’ Marinka

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Kari January 2, 2010 at 1:00 am

I will never be able to go on Facebook again, without giggling a little to myself.

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Beth January 2, 2010 at 6:52 am

I feel so enlightened. And a little sick. Of all the freaky fetishes to have…

Great way to kick start my diet. I think I just lost my appetite.

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Deb January 2, 2010 at 9:33 am

Hey Marinka!

So I haven’t been by in a while, and what post do I read first? This one!!! Totally made my morning. Have missed you. Debland is back up and running, so stop by if you have a chance, although my latest topic is not about putting one’s nose in someone’s ass…

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Elise January 2, 2010 at 11:10 am

Maybe it all depends on which TV show.
Or which nose.
Or which anus.
Or how constipated someone is.
Or the boredom factor?

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Mary @ Holy Mackerel
Twitter:
January 2, 2010 at 11:33 am

Wow! Your mama is one cool chick.

And is faceboom anything like a dirty sanchez?

So glad I have facebook bookmarked. Or boommarked. Or whatever.

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Jonathan January 2, 2010 at 1:52 pm

This is horrendous – it’s my new favorite word!

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redgirl January 2, 2010 at 6:57 pm

Wow…hello enlightenment

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Carolyn Online
Twitter:
January 2, 2010 at 7:55 pm

I can’t even imagine what posessed you to call ‘mama’ to explain that to her. But of course I’m glad that you did. Because she’s hilarious.

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JJ January 3, 2010 at 1:15 pm

Holy shit that’s hilarious. I think I’ve said that to my kids when they’ve bumped their head. Little did I know.

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the mama bird diaries
Twitter:
January 3, 2010 at 9:59 pm

Oh my god. That is disgusting. And hilarious. Who the hell knew?

Please tell me your mother didn’t really say, “Sperm on face”

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Deandre
Twitter:
August 15, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Never would have thunk I would find this so indsipneslabe.

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Lindsey January 4, 2010 at 12:22 am

OH and tell Mama that “Sperm on face” is known as “The Money Shot”

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Casey January 5, 2010 at 9:34 am

Why have I never heard of this? I need to search more. Or, make mistakes more often. Either way, I’m missing out.

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magpie January 5, 2010 at 10:09 pm

You asked your mother? OMG.

And OMG. I lead a sheltered life.

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Jenn May 28, 2011 at 9:08 am

OMG! This is hilarious and disgusting…. Do you know how hard it is to laugh and throw up at the same time???

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jonathan May 28, 2011 at 12:23 pm

I can’t believe its been a year and a half since Faceboom! Seems like yesterday.

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Lola April 3, 2012 at 8:31 am

FaceBoom! the only thing more hilarious… your mom. I would like to put her in my pocket and keep her. Love the blog. I’m just getting here, but I’m in love already.

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